Contentious subject warning...
I cried last night. Watched a documentary in the Storyville series, Raising a School Shooter.
Three parents...two single dads and a mum. Normal families that were torn apart by school shootings carried out by their own children.
Sue Klebold really got to me. She is such a strong woman but she is still carrying the guilt of her son Dylan, still struggling to understand what and why he and his friend Eric were thinking....she struggles to figure out if she should have noticed that her son was planning what he and Eric did. Initially she though that her son and his friend acted in a moment of madness only to find out from law enforcement that they had planned it for months and that in his journals he spoke of hating himself and wishing himself dead....yet whenever she asked how he was doing, "I'm fine, mum, everything is good". She feels terrible guilt that she just took his words as being true, every day she asks herself why she didn't push for more from him. But as she rightly said, he was the average 17 year old moody teenaged boy, often spending hours in his room chatting to his buddy Eric. She never moved home, she is still in the same town...her husband divorced her and moved away with their other son, they never speak or see each other. At Dylan's funeral she had moments alone with him in his "cardboard box" casket, pleading with him to help her understand why he did what he did....and not finding answers. She slowly returned to the community with the help of neighbours and friends who stood by her when the media and law enforcement and families of victims closed in on her, some of the victims and their families are now firm friends but they can never forget...they have forgiven, but not forgotten. Sue just lives out her days questioning her ability as a parent, why she didn't spot signs of trouble and why Dylan went to Columbine High School that day with his buddy and did what they did.
The other two parents still have their sons.....Jeff Williams' son Andy is serving a 50 years to life sentence, reduced to 25 years to life on appeal and is due for parole in 2025, for killing two classmates after years of bullying that had gone unpunished. Jeff speaks to his son every week by phone, rarely gets to see him and still cannot get the true reasons why his boy did what he did. Initially those around him in the community blamed him for Andy's behaviour, when he went shopping people spat and swore at him and he accepted it, he still does cos he feels that he failed as a parent and that Andy's behaviour was his fault, his responsibility.
The third parent was Clarence Elliot, his son Nicholas killed his teacher and was sentenced to 114 years. As with Jeff, Clarence speaks to his son by phone each week. Nicholas cannot explain why he did what he did, his dad also struggles with guilt that maybe he should have been a better father, maybe listened more. Nicholas has had parole refused 6 times and he is now reconciled with spending the rest of his life in jail. His now elderly dad, accepts that he will not see his son again in his lifetime, not hold him or spend time going fishing and other stuff that fathers and sons do. Clarence still looks for answers as to why he did what he did and still blames himself.
Very few people think of the parents of those who carry out the crimes. It was refreshing and heartbreaking to hear their words, to see and hear their perspective of what happened the day their child went to school as normal one day and did unimaginable things. The programme highlighted that as much as there needs to be support for the victims and their families, there is very little support for the parents and siblings of the one who did the crime. Sue Klebold, Jeff Williams and Clarence Elliot didn't experience any support, they didn't have anyone from law enforcement stop by and check that they were OK....I think Sue spoke for the majority of parents who's child has killed others.....
"In this country (US) when a family suffers the tragedy of losing a child, friends and neighbours cook and bake for them......but who is willing, who wants to cook or bake for the mother and/or father of a child who has killed?"