Need help with sensitive matter.

[Candace]

Hey, I need advice on how to approach an coworker on their beta setup. I’m already awkward with people I don’t really know and have a really hard time starting conversations (especially with sensitive matters). Basically my coworker got a Betta last week and it’s in a .5g tank with no heater, light, or filter. In there is a couple plastic plants. I’ve been fighting with myself since she got it about saying something, and decided against it at first but now (reasonably) the beta is getting very lethargic (not really responding to movement) and just staying at the top of the tank getting air every once in a while, today I noticed a tear in the analfin, presumably from the plastic plants.

I’m trying to figure out how to offer to upgrade the tank myself (for free) without offending her (from what I understand she can be bristly but I think she kinda likes me at the moment) I have a spare 5g, heater, light, sponge filter and silk plants that I could offer. I’m just not sure how to go about it or if I even should.

 

[Ksway]

I would try to just start up a conversation about the fish in general, and then maybe just ask a few questions about the setup and ask what are you doing for heating it and so on. I'm sure she really likes the fish and would be willing to do what is best for it.

 

[MacZ]

Don't make it your problem. Seriously, it's better for your own mental health and the security of your job.

It's probably hard to watch but a betta is not worth getting trouble at the workplace. It will be over in a few weeks, use the situation then to explain why the fish died and then offer help if you are still willing, though chances are she will lose interest in fishkeeping after that.

 

[Marlene327]

Is there room for the 5 gallon where she has it? You could just say you have that extra tank that you'd love to give her to keep her fish happy and healthy. Is your sponge filter used, so there's BB to get it cycled?

So sad when people don't have a clue, and that fish is amazing!

 

[DoubleDutch]

I'd react enthousiastic
"Never thought about getting a fish here, great idea, blablabla).
"Now it's here shall we cooperate on keeping it, I've a bigger tank available in which it might feel more comfortable, blablabla" "Is it an idea to swap this beautiful fish to a new crib?"

Let herself give the answers to your questions hahahaha

And if the reaction is negative follow MacZ's advise.

 

[Ksway]

God you should probably find a new job anyway if you are worried of getting fired for offering advice in a non confrontational manner and informative way about the health of an animal living in an office space. But yea if you are worried about that I would say nothing as well.

 

[DoubleDutch]

Be yourself and don't let other people influence your behaviour / feeling anyway or anyhow.

 

[Ouse]

I don’t think you should intervene at all.

Here’s what I think: stay out of the situation. Sit back, and allow the concept of reality to hit them. As you’re uninvolved this way, no damage is done to yourself.

If they’re a bristly person, your advice is best saved for moments where it’ll be appreciated.

 

[Candace]

Thank you all for the advice - I think I am just going to stay out of it and let her find out the hard way (at least with the way he's going, I don't think he'll have to suffer for long). We only see each other once a week and don't really talk so she would more than likely feel called out and get defensive. I do want to say though, my bosses are all pretty cool and do like me so I'm not worried about losing my job if she did have a problem with it, I just suffer from some social anxiety and she's known to be problematic with almost everyone.

 

[MacZ]

Thank you all for the advice - I think I am just going to stay out of it and let her find out the hard way (at least with the way he's going, I don't think he'll have to suffer for long). We only see each other once a week and don't really talk so she would more than likely feel called out and get defensive. I do want to say though, my bosses are all pretty cool and do like me so I'm not worried about losing my job if she did have a problem with it, I just suffer from some social anxiety and she's known to be problematic with almost everyone.

I didn't think you are risking your job, but just the chance of souring the atmosphere at work isn't worth it.
But good decision.

 

[Candace]

I didn't think you are risking your job, but just the chance of souring the atmosphere at work isn't worth it.
But good decision.

I know you didn't but some others did I think.

 

[CaptainSupport]

Is it really that troublesome to talk to people about this kind of stuff? You aren't throwing a stapler at your coworker's head and saying "be a better fish owner".
It is easier/safer and maybe even the smartest move to stay out of it like many here have said, but man, I would be fighting for that fish if I was working there. This kind of stuff fires me up.

 

[JavaMossMan]

We live in a culture now in which people seem to get offended at everything. Just say nothing or lie to them and say everything is good.

Its much easier managing fish than people. Snails are even easier.

 

[Rose of Sharon]

It's all about how you approach someone. If you go at it with a helpful, positive attitude, then for the most part, the person will be accepting of your advice/care. You might even make a new friend.

But I understand if you do not want to get involved.

I had a similar situation, and I just brought a bunch of aquarium stuff with me to work, and the person that I gifted the materials to was so overwhelmed, all she could do was thank me. But people are different, and since I don't know the person, I can't say how she will react.

So, do what is in your heart to do...

Edit: I am in the counseling profession, so my take on your situation will be different from others, for what it's worth....

 

[BigManAquatics]

I think maybe i am just too good at keeping my nose out of other people's business to be any help here. But the pay-off is they keep their nose out of my business as well.

 

[ProudPapa]

Rose of Sharon made some good points.

 

[Ouse]

I’m against the idea of intervening in this situation. The OP stated the person in question is bristly and problematic in social situations. I don’t think fishkeeping is worth getting into aggressive disputes, losing others’ respect and (potentially) souring the work life. Situations like this should be steered clear of IMO.

It’s the OP’s choice, but be cautious.

 

[Awaken_Riceball_]

I'll give you two options:

Option 1: Have pictures of your aquarium in your office space and maybe your coworker will recognize it and strike up a conversation with you about sharing similar interests.

Option 2: Initiate the conversation by saying with I couldn't help but notice your wonderful Betta as a fellow hobbyist myself! May I ask what is the Betta's name? Then allow the conversation to flow and perhaps it will lead to you showing pictures of your setup, etc. Always end the conversation with something like "It was a pleasure to meet a fellow hobbyist I have spare equipment to upgrade for free if you want and leave the scaping to your creative mind!"

Just my thoughts. My GF is the same way as you and has trouble starting conversations with someone she does not know. I am a social animal, so I'll help get the conversation flowing. Remember to smile too!!!

 

[LisDempsey]

I feel like this has been over-complicated!
I'd just bring the spare tank in, and leave on the desk with a post-it note that has a smiley face on it and choose to sign your name or not. It's hard to misinterpret a smiley face post-it as anything but a gift. If/when the co-worker asks where it came from, just enthusiastically say you had this laying around! Do they want it? Little beta will have more space to swim and it's FREE!!!

 

[NearMeBettas]

Is it really that troublesome to talk to people about this kind of stuff? You aren't throwing a stapler at your coworker's head and saying "be a better fish owner".
It is easier/safer and maybe even the smartest move to stay out of it like many here have said, but man, I would be fighting for that fish if I was working there. This kind of stuff fires me up.

Some people are shy and have a hard time starting up conversations, don't be hard. But ya, if I'm going to get fired for saying something, fire me. I just quit my job as the working environment was terrible. Say what you think you have to say, but try to butter it up. It shouldn't be a big deal. Just do what LisDempsey said. No one can get mad at a smiley face.

 

[Rose of Sharon]

Candace,​

Bet you didn't expect this much response, right? See, fish keepers care!!!!

 

[MrBryan723]

Just print up some "proper betta care sheet" from online and anon leave it on her desk. No confrontation and maybe she'll get the hint.
I do encourage you to use your own materials to print up something instead of office materials tho.

 

[LisDempsey]

I just want to observe, there is no reason this needs to be a confrontational situation! It can easily and immediately be turned into a positive experience for both people and the beta.
Even a prickly person, at least in an office, will be polite and probably be happy for a co-worker to admire their fish. If you end up giving her the tank, offer to come in a few minutes early or stay late to help set it up. Then you can walk her through the tank setup and casually explain what each thing does. Everyone wins!

 

[veggieshark]

Wow, this is almost a psychology experiment. We make assumptions about the Betta owner's (BO) motivations and personality and then assume we know the right thing to do, and that right thing is different for each person. Maybe BO has a sincere but naive interest in fish. Maybe she doesn't, it is no different than any other ornament in her office. Maybe she uses her office as her sanctuary, to the extent that she keeps a fish in there (you don't want to intrude that). She probably can afford the 5g you are willing to give for "free", what would the offer mean in that case? Wouldn't The secret notes about fishkeeping make the same effect as a "your breath stinks" kind of note? Very hard to present your point without looking like lecturing; very few people would not mind being lectured. If you don't know this person very well already, it is hard to predict their reaction.

If your prime motivation is to save the Betta from suffering, it seems too late. If you are worried that your colleague will become a serial Betta killer, and you can't stand it, maybe wait and see what happens (most problems go away if you just wait). If you have additional motivations such as making a fish friend out of this person, or determined to educate her on fishkeeping, you could try a nonsuggestive comment and observe the reaction. If she doesn't give you any signal to go on, I would leave it there.

 

[Candace]

Hey so I wanted to update. She either did some research on her own or someone did say something to her (I know a few others were talking about it the other day) and he has a 2.5g tank with a filter and a skull cave he can hide in!! (still has plastic plants and no heater but baby steps ).

 

[Rose of Sharon]

Problem solved!!!