Why So Much Sarcasm And Ridicule?

Goldiemom
  • #1
Is it just me or do others feel hurt and ridiculed by some of our members.? I try to help others out just as many have helped me out but some of the replies are really rude. I was so enjoying this forum and was even warned about some of the politics in here. I chose to ignore that. We all make mistakes but I don’t think anyone intentionally lies or attempts to provide people with wrong info. I so needed this site for information. Maybe it’s just me but I guess I don’t belong here. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to help me and get to know me. I don’t know what to do.
 
Bry
  • #2
Don't give up. I've had to break up arguments on my threads, but here lately it seems to have gotten better. On top of that, are members that even tell others that someone asking for help or advice shouldn't be ridiculed.

And I remember you, you've posted on some of my goldfish questions before.
 
FlipFlopFishFlake
  • #3
I understand what you are saying. While I have never been on the giving or receiving end, more of a neutral party, I have certainly noticed it a bit. I think it is really sad that members feel the need to leave because they don'y feel treated well, I think deep down Fishlore is a nice place. I never knew you personally but from what I could gather from your posts you are a good and friendly person. I hope that Fishlore changes for the better and you can stay, the more knowledge the better we are as a forum.
 
Mike
  • #4
Under each post is a “report” link that will notify moderators of any posts that volate the forum rules. Rude or insulting posts are not tolerated, so please report posts that you think may violate our rules.

Thanks,
Mike
 
JamieXPXP
  • #5
Is it just me or do others feel hurt and ridiculed by some of our members.? I try to help others out just as many have helped me out but some of the replies are really rude. I was so enjoying this forum and was even warned about some of the politics in here. I chose to ignore that. We all make mistakes but I don’t think anyone intentionally lies or attempts to provide people with wrong info. I so needed this site for information. Maybe it’s just me but I guess I don’t belong here. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to help me and get to know me.
sorry to hear you feel that way
I have definitely come across rude members but I usually ignore or report them depending on how bad they are. although I am normally a neutral party. there have been a few times where I wanted to quit but I have stayed since there are also a lot of friendly members. I really do hope you stay with us but if not I wish you well
 
r5n8xaw00
  • #6
Goldiemom you have helped me here before, and I really appreciated it. To lose a good person like you makes me sad. I have said some things here for the sake of humor and hopefully to make people smile, but I hope you never took any offense from me. If so I do apologize from the bottom of my heart.
 
goldface
  • #7
Don't leave, because of a few people. Usually people are nice. Maybe they're having a bad day. But I've been noticing a lot of goldfish keepers come and go here.
 
Gypsy13
  • #8
Is it just me or do others feel hurt and ridiculed by some of our members.? I try to help others out just as many have helped me out but some of the replies are really rude. I was so enjoying this forum and was even warned about some of the politics in here. I chose to ignore that. We all make mistakes but I don’t think anyone intentionally lies or attempts to provide people with wrong info. I so needed this site for information. Maybe it’s just me but I guess I don’t belong here. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to help me and get to know me. I don’t know what to do.

Please don’t give up! I’m new here and have greatly appreciated your advice to people in need. And I try extremely hard not to be sarcastic even though that’s part of my personality. I understand people are either looking for help or trying to help. I’ve only run across two replies I thought were rude. The advice was sound but the presentation was sadly lacking. Please please don’t go. If a post or response really upsets you, report it. Please.
 
Fashooga
  • #9
I think there are people here who know what they are talking about but don’t know the etiquette of posting opinions in a non threatening way.

Forums are much like bars. There’s always the person that knows everything (Cliff Claven from Cheers) and there are people who are just terrible and want to make it difficult on others (drunks).

Ignore them, you have better fish to fry (no pun intended). You offer advice, others chime in and if they disagree they disagree.
 
Kasshan
  • #10
you aren't talking to professionals and scientists for the most part. To some people their opinions are rooted to them as fact. and whenever you challenge someone like that, rather than admit they are wrong, they feel like they being personally attacked. also people wanting to help tend to see the same problem over and over constantly and the frustration that nothing changes or improves can get under some folks skin. they believe people are willfully ignorant of their situation, and in some cases this can be true, because rather than doing a bit of footwork and researching a problem themselves they want to pass an urgent buck to experts that will give them 10 different answers, which can all be correct or wrong in some sense. blaming everyone else for problems rather than themselves.
it can become a complicate quagmire, but acknowledging a problem is a first step in the right direction
 
alykat
  • #11
I have definitely seen what you’ve mentioned. I feel that especially in goldfish topics things tend to get heated quite quickly. My theory is that because goldfish are so commonly abused, people here are a little over eager to end any mistreatment that they see. It is a difficult balance to strike between educating a new fish keeper and trying to quickly reverse any harm coming to a fish. Sadly it seems that it is all too easy to turn to a pedantic route.
 
r5n8xaw00
  • #12
I have definitely seen what you’ve mentioned. I feel that especially in goldfish topics things tend to get heated quite quickly. My theory is that because goldfish are so commonly abused, people here are a little over eager to end any mistreatment that they see. It is a difficult balance to strike between educating a new fish keeper and trying to quickly reverse any harm coming to a fish. Sadly it seems that it is all too easy to turn to a pedantic route.

I have never been in the goldfish section, sounds like some of the goldfish people can be a little touchy.
 
Galathiel
  • #13
I think sometimes we need to look at ourselves and our reactions as well as others' responses. Are we being sensitive .. are we, in fact, being also snarky? <in general, not to anyone in particular>. The written word allows for no emotional/facial nuances and can be very cut and dried. The things that are typed often wouldn't be so offensive if said during a face to face discussion.

We can only control what we say and do ... I wouldn't spend my time worrying about replies from an anonymous source across the country (or world). Some of the problem arises because humans don't like to be wrong .. or admit to making mistakes. I know I don't. *grin* I think that's why we sometimes continue to argue points even though ... it's really not that important in the whole scheme of things....we just .. must ... be .. the one that's right! Once we resign ourselves to the fact that we are fallible, then maybe it's not such a bitter pill to swallow when we make errors. I'll let you know. I'm still working on it.
 
bitseriously
  • #14
Great thread, sorry it took such a negative experience for you to get it started. I also hope you stick around.
Some folks genuinely don't recognize the difference between fact and opinion. Kind of a sign of the times, looking beyond Fishlore. And some simply cannot accept that they might not be 100% right, in all circumstances.
I think many of us need thicker skin. Disagreement is not an attack (at least not always). If I offer an opinion or suggestion as help, and it gets shot down (eg "that's a terrible idea"), I can either defend myself, or walk away (from that thread). Or, dare I say it, acknowledge that I was wrong? I typically choose to walk away, if the language of the dissenting opinion is closed-minded and judgmental. Not going to change their opinion, so why get dragged in?
Final thought: wouldn't it be great if we refrained from ever writing anything that we wouldn't say in person, face to face?
 
Goldiemom
  • Thread Starter
  • #15
Thank you to all. There are many kind people on here. I don’t normally wear my feelings on my sleeve and forgive me for last night. I just believe we need to realize that the people on here are more important than any fish. I may be stubborn, but I do usually come around and admit if I’m wrong. That’s a hard lesson to learn...harder than treating any fish disease.
 
Gypsy13
  • #16
Thank you to all. There are many kind people on here. I don’t normally wear my feelings on my sleeve and forgive me for last night. I just believe we need to realize that the people on here are more important than any fish. I may be stubborn, but I do usually come around and admit if I’m wrong. That’s a hard lesson to learn...harder than treating any fish disease.

My heart is permanently attached to my sleeve. Is ok. We understand. I’m stubborn too. But when I’m wrong I know it. Even admit it. Except to hubby of course. (Little smile) and if I don’t know or am not sure, I’ll say it. Then see if I can find someone who can. I’ve been dealing with ponds for years but I haven’t done the whole aquarium thing since the early 80’s. Fish diseases and problems have become much more widespread than I could’ve ever imagined. Learning a lot from you guys. Thank you for being here.
 
dwarfpufferlover
  • #17
Don’t leave Goldiemom!
There is definitely a nice mannerism that fishlore has over other places online that I enjoy and it is not often you run into problems here!
I have used the ignore feature on a couple of occasions if there was no chance of reasonably interacting anymore.
 
sassymomma
  • #18
I have been on a couple of fish forums, and this is definitely the best one I’ve seen. Yes, there are people who are pushy about their standpoint but as a whole I feel that the community is there to help each other.

It would help, I think, if we all stop a moment to read our own post before hitting enter....consider how we would take the same words spoken to us. Those who have mentioned how difficult it is to express yourself without emotional expression are on-point. I’m sure that my own grammar has on occasion sounded like criticism when I meant it as helpful advice-especially if typing late in the evening and on my phone

Goldiemom, you have offered valuable insight on the threads where I’ve seen you. There are those here who already look to you, and I believe that this in itself shows that you have a place here
 
Greg F
  • #19
I admit that there has probably been a time or two that I have come across as short or rude with someone but it is not intentional. I have also gotten much better at identifying posts that are placed with the specific purpose of trying to start an argument. Sadly there are folks who simply want to irritate others. I have gotten better at not taking the bait. I just don't have time for those who are looking for validation under the guise of advice. I will always try to give advice with the disclaimer that it is either my experience or opinion but I used to be the guy that argued with the " what do you mean an arrowana doesn't belong with neons" guy. I just won't engage anymore. It is frustrating though.
 
r5n8xaw00
  • #20
When asked, "What is about humankind that you find so endearing?" Starman answered, "When times are at its worse you are at your best." This is how I choose to see the world around me.
 
Angelmom
  • #21
I've been in this hobby off and on for more than 50 years. I think as the hobby has exploded in the last decade with lots of new technologies and new ways of doing old things, individuals have sometimes gotten so committed to their own favorite approach that they've (we've) forgotten that at the heart of it all is each member of the hobby helping others - new and old. It's the community help that has grown and improved fishkeeping for all of us. Stick around, Goldiemom.
 
Kasshan
  • #22
The quickest way to make an ignorant person mad, who doesn't realize or accept they are ignorant, is to call them ignorant. Personally, I find wisdom in my ignorance (Socrates: the Socratic method); there is a heck of a lot I don't know. I love it when someone can show me I am wrong, because then I can stand to learn something new and correct the error of my ways.
 
Theblitchwitch
  • #23
Is it just me or do others feel hurt and ridiculed by some of our members.? I try to help others out just as many have helped me out but some of the replies are really rude. I was so enjoying this forum and was even warned about some of the politics in here. I chose to ignore that. We all make mistakes but I don’t think anyone intentionally lies or attempts to provide people with wrong info. I so needed this site for information. Maybe it’s just me but I guess I don’t belong here. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to help me and get to know me. I don’t know what to do.

I know this thread is a month old and I apologize. I am a fairly new member as well and am already feeling the exact way same as you. I work as a pet care specialist where customers and coworkers will consistently dismiss your opinions and your knowledge. I was hoping this forum could be a little different for me. I hope that it improves over time. Thank you for making this thread and expressing this feeling!
 
Gypsy13
  • #24
I know this thread is a month old and I apologize. I am a fairly new member as well and am already feeling the exact way same as you. I work as a pet care specialist where customers and coworkers will consistently dismiss your opinions and your knowledge. I was hoping this forum could be a little different for me. I hope that it improves over time. Thank you for making this thread and expressing this feeling!

I too have felt the sting of targeted barbs. But most people here just want to help. Hang around. Join in. Learn teach enjoy! Welcome.
 
aussieJJDude
  • #25
I know this thread is a month old and I apologize. I am a fairly new member as well and am already feeling the exact way same as you. I work as a pet care specialist where customers and coworkers will consistently dismiss your opinions and your knowledge. I was hoping this forum could be a little different for me. I hope that it improves over time. Thank you for making this thread and expressing this feeling!
This place is also a great friendly area to work. The more you learn, the greater informed choices you can make. You'll find that in a couple of weeks you've grown a lot. I did, except this was pretty much pre-web....
 
Jenoli42
  • #26
poo! I only just found this thread. . Goldiemom I hope I'm right that you've decided to stay? you're one of my faves

irl I'm incredibly sarcastic. I think I've managed to avoid that almost entirely on this forum precisely because I'm still learning & so are others. I have looked at several other forums & this one is hands down the friendliest & most patient... & least patronising.

I think I may come across as condescending when I'm simply trig to simplify & be very clear. I only know to use emojis to help people see that but just tonight someone seemed to get offended. it's hard to calibrate because last week someone else I asked me to simplify when I assumed a few basic things.

anyway there are lovely people on here with great advice & great senses of humor. we're lucky to have each other on here. please stay because you're one of them Goldiemom
 
Theblitchwitch
  • #27
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and such, but I have decided to leave the community. Or at least no longer participate. I am not one who can handle the passive aggressiveness in the forums and it doesn't feel good.

I will still use the site for useful information.

I wish you all the best and cheers!
 
Goldiemom
  • Thread Starter
  • #28
poo! I only just found this thread. . Goldiemom I hope I'm right that you've decided to stay? you're one of my faves

irl I'm incredibly sarcastic. I think I've managed to avoid that almost entirely on this forum precisely because I'm still learning & so are others. I have looked at several other forums & this one is hands down the friendliest & most patient... & least patronising.

I think I may come across as condescending when I'm simply trig to simplify & be very clear. I only know to use emojis to help people see that but just tonight someone seemed to get offended. it's hard to calibrate because last week someone else I asked me to simplify when I assumed a few basic things.

anyway there are lovely people on here with great advice & great senses of humor. we're lucky to have each other on here. please stay because you're one of them Goldiemom
That’s so sweet. I’m definitely staying. I get so much info from here and I have asked a lot of questions lately. Making some good friends too! Just hate it when I read some of the “ less than nice comments.”
 
Goldiemom
  • Thread Starter
  • #29
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and such, but I have decided to leave the community. Or at least no longer participate. I am not one who can handle the passive aggressiveness in the forums and it doesn't feel good.

I will still use the site for useful information.

I wish you all the best and cheers!
Iwish you would reconsider. I have just been ignoring the rude people and don’t even read their posts anymore. You will learn who your friends are. I’ll be one!
 
86 ssinit
  • #30
Goldie I’m on a few other forums and the rude people are referred to as trolls and the expression is don’t feed the trolls. Meaning if you ignore them they go away. Sacrcasm is usually done in green letters (not sure if it can be done here) so you know what to expect. It a shame about the few but that’s everywhere on the internet. I’ve seen a few people leave here because of the rude and it is s shame. It’s usually the beginner looking for help. I was called mean and cruel when I first got on here because I keep less then 6 Cory’s and all the followers jumped on board. I’m still here and willing to help and looking for help. Overall there’s a good core of people here willing to help. This is a hobbie it’s not an exact science. Not all advice work for everyone. So don’t leave I too read your posts and have learned from them .
 
Goldiemom
  • Thread Starter
  • #31
This post was from some time back and a new comment was made on it. I am not upset or leaving.
 
shiv234
  • #32
some people are mean without knowing it(GUILTY) but we don't do it on purpose. Then to its hard to convey emotions over text so what sounds normal to the typer will sound really rude to the reader.....then to some people just don't care

I've been in this hobby off and on for more than 50 years. I think as the hobby has exploded in the last decade with lots of new technologies and new ways of doing old things, individuals have sometimes gotten so committed to their own favorite approach that they've (we've) forgotten that at the heart of it all is each member of the hobby helping others - new and old. It's the community help that has grown and improved fishkeeping for all of us. Stick around, Goldiemom.
50 years!!!!!!! Props to you



bet you thought I was gonna make an old joke....am I right
 

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