What would you do?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by LockedBox, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. LockedBox

    LockedBoxValued MemberMember

    For months and months I've been saving up for a new corner tank, my first choice being   in the 160 liter size.

    My parents won't let me have it.

    If there was a good reason I would just let it go, but after a month of politely asking, begging, pleading, arguing and downright debating my case they will not, under any circumstances, allow me to go to the aquarium shop to look at the tanks and provide no valid reason for it.

    Some of the excuses they have fired my way include:

    * You already have enough tanks (I have one 65 liter tank, I offered to sell it or give it away once the new tank is set up. They shot this idea down quicker than a clay pigeon)

    * You don't have enough space (I have plenty of space, There is a "dead corner" in my room where I want to place the tank, there is a bedside table there filled with fish equipment. I plan to take the fish equipment out and store them in a plastic storage tub underneath my desk or my bed, and then place the empty table in my wardrobe.)

    * You only have one yabby (crayfish) you don't need a bigger tank (yabbies can grow to 30 cm long if they live long enough (that is rare both in the wild and in captivity) so the notion that I will never need a bigger tank is false. I would also buy more fish *after* the new tank is set up and cycled if that adds to the justification.)

    * You don't need it ( this is true, technically. But conversely, I don't *need* to go to school, I don't *need* to drive a car, I don't *need* to wear clothing every day but I'm still expected to. It's a question of wanting, not needing. I've tried pointing out Dads collection of painting (which is worth tens of thousands of dollars) but apparently that's different.)

    * It's our money ( It's not, it's mine. I have a job and I earned it. I Just because they gave me some of the money in exchange for my work does not mean that they have the right to control it. I'm 18 years old, in my country that makes me a legal adult.)

    * It's too much work to maintain, and you need to work for uni. (once again, wrong. I do have sufficient time to care for it, that's what weekends and afternoons are for. Further more, this is from a person who keeps a goldfish in a 7 liter aquarium, I think I might be the more knowledgeable person in this particular field)

    * We do not want you to get another tank (this is the argument they dish out when I shoot the others down. I can't really say anything against this one except asking why, to which they repeat the question.

    This has driven me well up the wall but next week my mum and dad are leaving town for a few days and one of my closest friend has his P plates. If you were in my position, would you go ahead and buy it? After all the hard work I did to save up my money and the time spent planning out the set up and stock I am sorely tempted to do so, but by the same token I don't want to cause irreparable damage to my relationship with my parents. Advice would be appreciated.
  2. Aquarist

    AquaristFishlore LegendMember

    Good morning,

    Something to keep in mind...their house, their rules. Perhaps if you keep saving your $ and when the time comes for you to get your own place, then you could go even larger than 160l. :)

  3. Jaysee

    JayseeFishlore LegendMember

    I agree, when you move out you can do whatever you want.

    I grew up in a time when parents didn't have to justify their decisions to their kids. My have things changed :)

  4. Donnerjay

    DonnerjayWell Known MemberMember


    I sense your frustration. Heck, I was a teenager once :) It is hard to delay gratifying your desires. But it is a sign of maturity.

    I think you already know the right thing to do.

    Follow your parents' wishes. It will turn out for the best for you in the end.

  5. mosaicguppyWell Known MemberMember

    That sounds like me lol. My parents had nearly the exact same reasons why I couldn't get another tank (but I did anyway). I think you've just got to somehow show them that you deserve another tank. :)
  6. OP

    LockedBoxValued MemberMember

    Oh I've tried that angle. If scoring an ATAR of 88 and getting myself a job isn't reason enough for reward I don't know what is. But come to think of it, I could try sicking my aunts on them. Do you think that would work?
  7. mosaicguppyWell Known MemberMember

    Often, parents have high expectations. I don't know your parents so it's a bit hard to say what might work or not, but I had to actually make a promise to mine before I got my tank. Maybe if you promise you won't get or mention getting another tank for 5 years after you get this tank might work lol.
  8. OP

    LockedBoxValued MemberMember

    LOL! Maybe, I'll try that one out in the morning. In the meantime I have some completely innocent and doting emails to send to my all of my favorite aunties :whistling:
  9. whtmexValued MemberMember

    In my country that means you can take YOUR money and get out of MY house so I can put something I want in YOUR room.:)
  10. OP

    LockedBoxValued MemberMember

    One does not simply "kick out" your children.

    And besides, My sister has been mooching for much longer than I have. That sets a precedent. The fact that I actually do chores should count for something.
  11. whtmexValued MemberMember

    I thought you were an adult. Can't have it both ways.

    You either live in their house under their rules, or you get your own place.

    When you start biting the hand that feeds you, you may find yourself pretty hungry.
  12. whtmexValued MemberMember

    It does. It shows that you are a caring member of the family that recognizes that, due to having to work to support a family, your parents can't do every little thing around the house.
  13. OP

    LockedBoxValued MemberMember

    Well really, when the hand that feeds you keeps tugging food out of reach do you honestly expect me not to snap? When I first brought it up it was "when the HSC is over", then it was "after the house is painted" then it was "if you get a job" then it became "after uni starts" and then it evolved into the above problems, which I solved, and now its just "no". Why do parents do that? If you're only going to say no then why not say no at the beginning instead of getting my hopes up like that?
  14. whtmexValued MemberMember

    I'll give you that one. Not that I'm speaking against your parents, but I do feel it's best to be open about something from the start. If it's going to be no, then just say no. But still, it's their house, so if that is their final answer......

    Also, keep in mind that sometimes life hands you unexpected circumstances. There may be factors you are unaware of. I know I've told my son we would be able to do certain things, but the situation changed so I had to make a new deadline, another change another deadline. Its not that I'm leading him on, just adapting and trying to do the best I can as a parent.
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2012
  15. escapay

    escapayWell Known MemberMember

    How long till you expect to move out? Would your parents be nervous of you leaving your tank there while off to uni? Also, that is a little over 40 gallons so that is quite a bit of a tank to move. Will somewhere you move to in the future allow that size of a tank?

    I don't have that concern at this time with my tanks for allowance of tanks, I'm actually deterred to have too many tanks because more tanks = unstable floor. Plus too many windows to allow for proper tank positions. However, looking at what my best friend had to go through at one of her last places... she was technically only supposed to have a 20 gallon aquarium for a maximum... so she couldn't keep her 46 gallon.
  16. Jaysee

    JayseeFishlore LegendMember

    Yes, it does happen. I know people to whom it's happened. Legally they can, because legally they are no longer responsible for you because legally you are an adult.

    You can't have it both ways. Adults don't think they ought to be rewarded for doing chores.
  17. angelfish220

    angelfish220Well Known MemberMember

    What are you gonna do with it when you get ready to go to uni? It doesn't sound as if your parents are the kind that are gonna take care of it.

    Yes it stinks when you want another tank so bad, but can't have it. I'm in the same position you are in, except I don't even need to buy a tank, I have everything needed to set up a 55 gallon right now. But I'm going to college in the fall and who is gonna take care of it then? So instead of setting up the 55 with stuff i already had, I bought a 10 gal, and am stocking extremely lightly and planting it heavily so it is minimal maintenance for my sister when I go to school in the fall, or I can downsize to a 5 gall and take it with me.

    Sometimes you have to see things in relation to the big picture. Its part of growing up, and it stinks.
  18. snapperWell Known MemberMember

    I have been where you are, feeling like I was an adult and could make my own decisions, etc. Now I'm an ACTUAL adult (not just of legal voting age), have made a lot of mistakes, and I'm a parent myself and my reply to this post is unfortunately, when you're an adult, getting a job isn't a reason for a reward, it's just what you do. I do lots of good, responsible things all the time and don't get rewarded for it, because that's how life works. Also, your parents are probably thinking that the money from your job could probably be better spent on a place to live of your own, school expenses (if you are still in school), etc. and they probably see it as blowing your money when you have lots of other more important things to save for. Like someone else said, their roof, their rules.

    I just read further and see you think you ought to be rewarded for doing chores. :;laughing
  19. Jaysee

    JayseeFishlore LegendMember

    And for scoring well on a standardized test for college.
  20. OP

    LockedBoxValued MemberMember

    The HSC is a lot more than a standardized test, its the accumulation of all 13 brutal years of education. Considering that two years ago I was barley scraping by with Cs and Ds it took me a of a lot of work to end school with band 6's and 5's. Not to mention that getting a job when you have no experience and aspergers syndrome is a lot harder than it would be otherwise.

    I don't expect to be rewarded for these things but a little credit would be nice.

    And as for uni, I'm already in. Uni is only a 30 minute bus drive away, I don't need to move anywhere. I know what your thinking, "if your an adult then that means you should move out and support yourself" and I can't really argue with that, except by stating that my sister is doing much the same and they've never done so much as bat an eye.
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2012

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