Wedding Registries (warning, rant ahead)

When, precisely, did wedding gifts (for that matter, baby shower gifts, too) become a matter of "I want" rather than "I need, but can't necessarily afford."
Originally, the whole point of wedding gifts was to get the happy couple started with stuff that they'd need. Stocking a house is a difficult matter. My wife and I (who didn't even have a registry, because we thought it was incredibly rude to tell people "this is what you need to get us") had some of the common things, like a regular set of dishes and some silverware, but we got a bunch of extra towels, bed linens, and various other household items. Anything we got that was fun was a true gift from the heart of a friend or family member. We returned precisely one gift, and that was only because we got three of them (pizza stones), and had no need. Everything else is either still with us or completely worn out from use. We gave our parents general color and style guidelines, should anyone ask, and let everyone go to town.

I'm going to my wife's cousin's wedding today, and we went shopping this week. Their registry included the following items:
A Nintendo Wii
A Playstation 3 (80GB)
A Purple iPod Nano
Digital Camera (very specific, expensive one)
Lego Starwars
Lego Batman
WiiPlay
Saints Row II
Scene It Box Office Smash
A Pink iPod Nano
A tent
On top of this, many of the household items are very specific, expensive, top-of-the-line products.
None of this stuff is necessary to start their life together. It's just stuff that they want. I've seen this repeated over and over with family and friends (a WiI has been on every gift registry I've seen since the thing came out). I've found that I don't even care about weddings anymore because people are placing more focus on "gimme" than they are on "this is the day we will be joined together."

 

I'm sorry, but that list is off the wall, seriously!
Sounds pretty greedy to me.

When I got married, we registered for what I consider normal stuff. Sheets, towels, small appliances, normal everyday dishes, that sort of stuff.

My husband's best friend's mother decided we needed a good set of China, chose a pattern and several people chose to purchase that. It's beautiful, I love it, but it sits in my China cabinet. I think I've used it once or twice.

 

Are you kidding me....gesh! Most people have become so superficial and don't even realize it. Must be a young couple, I hope.
If that is the case...we'd better start registering at all the pet/fish stores then. LOL
We're having a family wedding, no church...like a party at a hall or my parents. We aren't registering anywhere. I don't want a big elaborate wedding or a big puffy dress. I just don't understand how it can be about the couple when all is focus on the superficial stuff. My brother and his wife are totally superficial have to have brand name this and that...if I can get it second or for cheap or even hot, we will.

 

My goodnes....Are you sure you didn't get ahold of their Christmas wish list to Santa..

 

She must be related to my neice lol.....What did you end up getting them?

 

What I don't like is just how specific it is. I mean, if someone bought them a blue iPod Nano, would they hit the ceiling and never talk to them again?

 

That list is nuts...I would be rather disgusted as well. They are essentially using their wedding guests to fulfill every whim...

When we made our registry, it was as a guideline for people that wanted to buy us household gifts but weren't sure what to get or what colors. We tried to make it a wide variety price-wise, but heavy on the low end, so people wouldn't feel obligated to spend more money than they felt comfortable doing. So like, for our china we had 4 piece setting on there, but we also had like...a single serving bowl. We also had things like towels, sheets, an egg timer, a meat thermometer, a shower curtain, a set of spatulas, bakeware (listed an individual pans)...stuff that we really did need (other than the china), and which were individually not expensive but would have be difficult for us to buy ourselves all at once as we set up a home together.

We also tried to make it very clear that the list was just suggestions for people that needed ideas, not a list of "by God do not stray from this list!" No gift was required.

...we'd better start registering at all the pet/fish stores then. LOL

LOL...now wouldn't that be a great list, hehe. Ummm okay so I'd like gift certificates for livestock...about ten 20gal tanks...another 90 gal...heck maybe one of those 265 gal ones...sufficient filtration for all of them...heaters, lights (for a planted tank of course), substrate, give certs to the power company to help me pay for the energy cost of all this...

What? There's something wrong with that?

 

I NEVER even look at registries. I always just cut them a check $100.00 period. When my wife and I got married we didn't even register anywhere. We left it up to our guest to decide if they wanted to give us something or not. The list you showed would make me not even want to show up at the wedding.

 

The list you showed would make me not even want to show up at the wedding.

Here's to that.

 

I should do that, but my girl would probably kill me. "It's only the household basics, how do you expect me to live without a PS3?"

So dude, are they like 18 years old? That list looks seriously juvenile and selfish. Maybe you should get them a sponge-bob blanket!

uhm...come to think of it, I do have an Incredible Hulk blanket on my registry. I will laugh hysterically if someone gets it, and cherish my new hulk blanket until it falls apart.


Yeah, Tavel is getting married on June 27, 2009. I've been engaged for almost three years, because "life" happened the first time around. But I'm sticking to the new date like white on rice. Some items like that may actually be prudent for my list because people have come to use the registry for Christmas and birthday presents too.

 

To those who are wondering their age, they're probably around thirty, but I know a woman in her forties who had a list that was very similar.

I understand registering for particular patterns of china and whatnot, but people are saying "I need the $1,000 Super-Press Italian-Style Pump-Driven Espresso machine with plumbing fittings" rather than "We need a coffee maker" (I'd even accept "we need an espresso maker," since espresso drinks are becoming so common). They're saying "we need Ultra-Chic-brand, 1,000,000,000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets dyed only with authentic Tyrian purple" rather than "we need sheets, we'd like cotton, and like the color purple."
If Target had had the ability to register general stuff like that: "need: sheets, towels, washclothes, blankets. Colors Prefered: Red, blue, purple, green," I likely would have registered. But things worked out without it. Our parents had to answer a few questions, and we had to answer a few questions, but it worked out very well.

The list you showed would make me not even want to show up at the wedding.

That, combined with the fact that there's a several-hour wait between wedding and reception (I know this is a gigantic day to them, but to many of us, we've got other things going on, and would like to not have to devote an entire day to them) is making my wife and I wish we had just said "we'll be at the wedding." We ended up getting them a cookbook. They had a very specific list of cookbooks they wanted. We looked it over for threads of interest and then picked a book (not on the list) that fit within a couple of those threads of interest.

 

Maybe they just got caught up in the moment..Target sends you out with this scanning gun and tells you to scan whatever you want to be on the registery..They could have just lost control.lol..Or thought that their wedding guest were rolling in dough. Also I think bride and grooms get so caught up in the wedding because it ALL about them and everything is WE WE WE and I I I..they don't spend a lot of time thinking about anyone else. I didn't do this..we also didn't register. We had a money tree..If people wanted to they could put some money up there if they didn't we were just glad they came to share our day. We used the money to help with the down payment on our house. We didn't even take a honeymoon.lol..People new what we were using the money for too. I think people didn't mind giving a money gift when they new it was going toward a good purpose and we weren't out spending it on PS3 and what not.

 

When, precisely, did wedding gifts (for that matter, baby shower gifts, too) become a matter of "I want" rather than "I need, but can't necessarily afford."
Originally, the whole point of wedding gifts was to get the happy couple started with stuff that they'd need. Stocking a house is a difficult matter. My wife and I (who didn't even have a registry, because we thought it was incredibly rude to tell people "this is what you need to get us") had some of the common things, like a regular set of dishes and some silverware, but we got a bunch of extra towels, bed linens, and various other household items. Anything we got that was fun was a true gift from the heart of a friend or family member. We returned precisely one gift, and that was only because we got three of them (pizza stones), and had no need. Everything else is either still with us or completely worn out from use. We gave our parents general color and style guidelines, should anyone ask, and let everyone go to town.

I'm going to my wife's cousin's wedding today, and we went shopping this week. Their registry included the following items:
A Nintendo Wii
A Playstation 3 (80GB)
A Purple iPod Nano
Digital Camera (very specific, expensive one)
Lego Starwars
Lego Batman
WiiPlay
Saints Row II
Scene It Box Office Smash
A Pink iPod Nano
A tent
On top of this, many of the household items are very specific, expensive, top-of-the-line products.
None of this stuff is necessary to start their life together. It's just stuff that they want. I've seen this repeated over and over with family and friends (a WiI has been on every gift registry I've seen since the thing came out). I've found that I don't even care about weddings anymore because people are placing more focus on "gimme" than they are on "this is the day we will be joined together."

that sounds like my very own would be!!! I love videogames!

no, serously now...

As much as I'd love to have a bunch of things, if I ever got married I wouldnt even have a registry! I think it is so rude... specially the type of things some people ask for. Over-the-top-super-expensive-unecessary-stuff like the above mentioned.

 

I don't know why you all are so fervently anti-gift registry. Most guests request a registry because it assures they'll get something the couple needs and likes, and won't get something they already have.

I don't think it's rude because you have dozens of people lining up to give you stuff, it's only polite to let them know what you actually need. Actually, it would be rude NOT to provide a registry!

 

I don't think registeries are bad..I just think a PS3 is not appropriate for a wedding gift.

 

I don't know why you all are so fervently anti-gift registry. Most guests request a registry because it assures they'll get something the couple needs and likes, and won't get something they already have.

I don't think it's rude because you have dozens of people lining up to give you stuff, it's only polite to let them know what you actually need. Actually, it would be rude NOT to provide a registry!

I disagree very strongly. As I said in my initial post, my wife and I did not provide a registry, and we had only one thing we needed to return. The only reason guests "need" a wedding registry is because they would want to be able to pick out what "gifts" they got.
To me, a gift isn't something that I tell someone to give to me: It's something that they pick out for me.

 

I disagree very strongly. As I said in my initial post, my wife and I did not provide a registry, and we had only one thing we needed to return. The only reason guests "need" a wedding registry is because they would want to be able to pick out what "gifts" they got.
To me, a gift isn't something that I tell someone to give to me: It's something that they pick out for me.

I couldn't agree more. My wife and I did the exact same thing. Ofcourse we both already owned home's for years and we were both in our 40's. We kind of already had most things in fact 2 or 3 of things. Besides most people know what young newlyweds's need.

 

Hubby and I were engaged for a year before we married and bought things we needed as we saw them. People would call my mother and asked what we had and what we needed. Notice the operative word was "needed". What happened to communicating with family and being part of the happy event that way. registeries of that type are so impersonal.
carol

 

I went to a UnI collegues wedding where there was a registery. It was more realistic than this one, but still had a lot of expensive over-the-top items on it. Anyway, most people bought the affordable items. As the day drew closer, the bride checked the registery to find that no-one had bought the expensive stuff. Would you beleive, She actually started ringing people, and asking if they had bought their gift yet, and if not, put them on like a syndicate list to go part shares in the expensive items! One invitee was so offended by this, that they advised on the spot that they will not be coming to the wedding!

What a disgrace!

I agree that registeries are against the principle of "a gift". You may as well attach a price tag to the invitation!
I hope to marry my girlfriend someday and I do not want to have a registery.

Ed

 

For my first marriage, we never had a registry. But people still somehow bought stuff we needed.

For the second marriage (hey, I'm in my 40's), we did register at Target but it was all reasonable stuff. Things like crock pots, basic dishware, silverware. Nothing major. Now her grandma did insist on buy us our china but that was a bit different (grandma was doting on her only granddaughter).

And I agree on the comment about the bride calling up a week before the wedding asking if they bought a gift yet. Very rude!!!

 

I'm fine with registries so long as they're practical. Things like pots and pans and appliances can add up, and they can really be required-

Ipod, though? Not so much. At my cousin's wedding, she registered a whole range of things, but made sure that there were more inexpensive things than expensive things on the list, and put a good number of items so they wouldn't feel pressured to go for what wasn't taken. In my opinion, that's the best way to go for it.

 

Oh wow. I thought it was supposed to be towels, dishes, pots, etc etc. Maybe a picture frame or two if you're feeling a bit extravagant. Lol.

 

Oh wow. I thought it was supposed to be towels, dishes, pots, etc etc. Maybe a picture frame or two if you're feeling a bit extravagant. Lol.

I got some incredible leaded glass, a Japanese tea set, beautiful gold-rimmed champagne flutes, and a few other extravagant items. If left to their own devices, people can come up with some brilliant gifts that you would otherwise never see.

 

Ok I have some insider info on this topic and will share some stories that are funny and insightful. I used to work for Bed Bath and Beyond in college and part of my day was setting up and managing registries.

1. Anger leads to confusion. Some couples come in and are totally mad at each other for some other reason. They are planning a wedding and any number of things could be on their plate. Some people come in and fight and bicker over each and every choice. Its hard to give any guidance over things that they will need later in life so I would usually exit stage left on these couples.

2. The santa list. This is what SDS is ranting about. People scan chocolates and all kinds of stupid despite your best advise to keep it simple. I have seen a registry with the only practical thing being fine china, which is pricey. There were 300 items on the list.

3. The blue blood wanna-bes. These are the folks who want nothing but the best despite their families wealth. They scan the Shun knives, the copper all-clad, the 1000 thread satin sheets and the brass stand mixers. The average item on these registries is over 400$. Needless to say they get none of it and peeve off their relatives.

One of the funniest things ive ever seen was a couple that came in already irritated. I was assisting a fellow co-worker and over heard a strange debate. The bride wanted the ordered gifts shipped to her mothers house as they were planning a longer honeymoon. The groom then floored me by accusing the mother of stealing the gifts and he refused that option. A huge fight broke out in the store and the bride stormed out crying and the groom stood there laughing hysterically. He quickly stopped when he saw her drive off in his BMW SUV and proceeded to chase her down the street. They never came back.

 

#s 2 and 3 are the ones I was ranting about ("1,000,000,000 thread count Egyptian cotton dyed only with authentic Tyrian purple").
#1 is one of the reasons I think that just letting the family do what they will is the best idea. Why argue about this stuff? There are going to be a million bigger fights in the future.
I know the reason for the registries. Couples want to outfit their homes in the style they want. But what if the couple doesn't agree 100% on the style they want? (KyWildFIsh showed us some great examples of this). If you let family outfit your home, only offering bare suggestions of color and style, then you've got a lifetime together to change the style to what you want it to be.
If, on the other hand, you force the issue into a week period, during which you're going to several stores, deciding on each bit of style, that's a lot of stress that's building up (on top of the other wedding-planning stresses), without enough time to bleed off.

 

Lol. I can't say I know much about being married. I'm still young, and the closest I've ever been is an unofficial engagement (which I broke off ), but it seems to me that it's hard enough to get a marriage to work out without fighting over such trivialities.

 

Lol. I can't say I know much about being married. I'm still young, and the closest I've ever been is an unofficial engagement (which I broke off ), but it seems to me that it's hard enough to get a marriage to work out without fighting over such trivialities.

Exactly. ;D

 

On the flip side, if you can plan a wedding and go through all the drama and stress of that, your marriage might last a little longer or you might see the true side of the other person.

 

Ok I have some insider info on this topic and will share some stories that are funny and insightful. I used to work for Bed Bath and Beyond in college and part of my day was setting up and managing registries.

Kind of off topic but is it true that BB&B have a minimum dollar amount or number of gifts a couple can register for?

At one shower I went to, after the bride was done opening the gifts, her mom gave her a funny look pointed to a gift and said "Why did you registered for that?"
The bride replied that she had to register for a certain amount of gifts or dollar amount (I forget which)

This was 2 yrs ago. They are now divorced.

 

No. What a bridal consultant is informed to tell the bride is to make sure there are enough gifts for everyone invited to buy, and to cover wedding showers and that kind of thing. For example if 100 people are invited to your wedding, we would suggest 150-250 items to make sure your bases are covered. They also suggest that people register for things in different price ranges that are "giftable." This makes shopping easier for the guests and stupid unwanted stuff can always be returned for store credit to buy the more important needs like mops and plungers that guests will never buy as a wedding gift.

Kind of off topic but is it true that BB&B have a minimum dollar amount or number of gifts a couple can register for?

At one shower I went to, after the bride was done opening the gifts, her mom gave her a funny look pointed to a gift and said "Why did you registered for that?"
The bride replied that she had to register for a certain amount of gifts or dollar amount (I forget which)

This was 2 yrs ago. They are now divorced.

 

I reckon they sent you their christmas-wish-list by accident.

That list is outrageous. Arent weddings meant to be about getting bonded to your loved one forever?

I thought weddings where meant to be romantic and sharing the time with your loved one?

When I get married I will just ask for a huge 10000 litre aqaurium but I don't think that is too much. Do you? (Just joking)

-Matt

 

This is why I love my family...

The usual wedding gift consists of a card and money. That way the bride and groom can put it toward their new house or whatever expenses they need. (I'm Jewish and it's horribly stereotypical, but it's basically something most Jewish people do. At least, they do around here.) That way I don't have to go shopping and they get whatever they want. It works out well for both parties.

By the way, I almost choked on the water I was drinking when I read that list. That's a ridiculously extravagant registry.