Spouse/family Support Of The Hobby

AKA: How do I hide an 800g aquarium? Do I pretend it's a painting?
Just kidding.

But seriously. I hear all the time on the YouTube channels I watch, in forums like this, on Facebook and in other discussions and presentations, about the hoops people in this hobby are jumping through to maintain their relationships with their families in addition to their involvement in fishkeeping. From the sound of it, it's pretty rare that both partners are involved to the same degree (like the number of time's I've heard "This is the wife's tank...and these are MY tanks...") or cooperating on joint projects.

My own husband was VERY leery when I started going down this road, forbidding me from having even a single fish tank until earlier this year, when I just went ahead and did it. I get where he is coming from--my time is very limited, what with work, our child, and maintaining the household. He is very protective because I easily get over-committed (I have ADHD and a smidge of Autism), and when I have a new Special Interest everything starts to suffer. He would have liked me to spend my spare time focusing more on my health and the family. When I got the tank I made it clear that I was focusing on my health--my mental health. And shlupping around 30 gallons of water 2x a week doesn't hurt He has come around to thinking that the aquariums are nice...but still doesn't spend anytime watching the fish, and doesn't have any opinions on things other than financial and being suspicious that my tanks will invade his space.

What are your experiences?

 

My husband is still on the fence about it.. he shys away from me adding more tanks and I cannot convince him to let me try saltwater but he does enjoy watching the fish and he thinks some of them are nicer than others, he likes my plecos but in the long run he would be happier if I put all the time that I put into my fish tanks into helping more with the other work... That being said I can't complain!! He's a great guy!!

 

Awe, sorry to hear that!!! You just do you!!! What ever makes you happy is what’s most important...not to take anything away from your family of course!!! Sounds like you have a good thing going!!! Keep it up.

 

My wife is the brakes in this runaway train that is fishkeeping. If it weren’t for her, I’d have 3x they tanks I have now, and we’d be much poorer.
She has capped the number of main floor tanks at 2 (plus a tiny betta tank, since it was suffering in a rarely used room upstairs).
As long as it’s tidy and does not run amok of our finances, I can have tanks
/breeding in the basement. In the absence of those (at the moment ), I focus my energy on the 2 display tanks upstairs, and they and I am better off for it. They look nicer and are healthier as a result of my tank time not being diluted.
She’s saving me from myself.
But couldn’t care less about the hobby, and would likely crush/disallow it if it weren’t for her $1100/month horse habit (keeps 2 for riding, not a gambling issue).

 

Yes, my parents do support me, while they don't understand what or why things are done, they still support me.
I have basic necessities, so my dad has water conditioner, and other various items on an automatic shipment for me.
They wouldn't understand why I rescape a tank, or why more plants are needed, it's just because they aren't in the hobby.

Regardless, whatever someone says about your hobby, whether it be a friend or a complete stranger, don't let them drag you down.

I am currently running three aquariums, each one being across the house.
It was actually my idea to downsize from six aquariums, not my parents.
Anyways, my mom likes my bettas, they are intriguing to her.

Like, today, my mom sent me in PetSmart to get crickets, and that was all I was supposed to get but ended up getting two new aquariums plants along with the crickets

 

My GF is great about me having tanks, when we meet I had a 100 and a 55 gallon. Right after that I started the pursuit for a tank bigger than a 125, which I ended up with with a 150. A few days ago when she was over to the house all she could do was stare at the tanks. My living room has a 100 gallon tank on one wall and a 150 on the other wall. If this little house was actually bigger I could have gotten a 250 and 265 gallon tanks for a great price.

 

Tell him happy wife happy life...

My wife was supportive of me having a tank. The 90g tank was actually hers. When I started up the 55 gallon I made sure she was alright with it and she got involved in what she wants in the tank. I think if you get your SO involved it might help.

 

I got my wife interested in the hobby this time around and now she doesn’t care what I do

 

That's great if you can get your spouse interested. But my husband sees hobbies as unnecessary. His hobbies are all work.. he loves to drive tractor, fix stuff ect... So it is hard for him to get excited about me spending a lot of money on something that doesn't pay back!! He doesn't care too much as long as I keep it reasonable!!

 

My husband was the one to come into our relationship with like three milk crates of old Practical Fishkeeping magazines. In 12 years he has yet to get his hands wet. He's totally cool with me doing whatever and he runs buckets during water changes so I don't hurt my back, but he won't take the plunge himself! I keep hoping he will because I think he'd like it.

 

A few days ago when she was over to the house all she could do was stare at the tanks.

Not sure if that’s such a good thing...

 

Not sure if that’s such a good thing...

Knowing what she went through the last couple of years, it's a good thing.

 

Yes but she doesn't really understand so I have to explain why I can't BREED THEM FOR THE HUNDRETH TIME.

 

Yeah, my parents put up with it and help me out when I need it. When I accidentally drop a hose on the floor though... things get a little... loud

 

My parents were never big on pets. Both of the pets I've been able to keep - two parakeets and now fish - I got lucky with, because they were given to my mom by somebody who couldn't take care of them because they couldn't keep their dog away from them. They gave my mom their fish tank after their dog apparently killed off all the fish one by one and my mom took the tank with the expectations of just dropping a few bucks on some goldfish and leave it at that. You should've seen the look of confusion on her face when we went to the store and added up how much all the supplies to "properly" keep fish cost!

Yet they she took my word for it and ended up getting everything needed to run a tank, under the expectations that I'll be the one maintaining it.
So I guess while she still doesn't really understand why the fishies need so much care and maintenance, she still loves the tropical fish we ended up getting!

My dad on the other hand, probably couldn't care less about the tank, but that's probably because he doesn't exactly know how much money went into it haha

 

Ah!!! Horses!!! That’s a whole other “animal”!!! Pun intended

 

My parents were never big on pets. Both of the pets I've been able to keep - two parakeets and now fish - I got lucky with, because they were given to my mom by somebody who couldn't take care of them because they couldn't keep their dog away from them. They gave my mom their fish tank after their dog apparently killed off all the fish one by one and my mom took the tank with the expectations of just dropping a few bucks on some goldfish and leave it at that. You should've seen the look of confusion on her face when we went to the store and added up how much all the supplies to "properly" keep fish cost!

Yet they she took my word for it and ended up getting everything needed to run a tank, under the expectations that I'll be the one maintaining it.
So I guess while she still doesn't really understand why the fishies need so much care and maintenance, she still loves the tropical fish we ended up getting!

My dad on the other hand, probably couldn't care less about the tank, but that's probably because he doesn't exactly know how much money went into it haha

How did the dog kill all the fish?

 

I married a woman that Loves Harley-Davidson, photography and tropical fish

 

How did the dog kill all the fish?

I have absolutely no idea because they didn't tell my mom the details, or if they did, she didn't tell me. But I assume it may have something to do with them not having a lid on top of the tank

 

SpaceKitten I'm tagging you to this thread because I really want to see what you say!

As for me, my dad thinks that 10G is too big, and my mom is VERY relycted to ever let me have another tank. She did accept my 29G in the living room, though. We're getting there!

 

my family thinks it's dumb lol. they're always saying "you spend way too much time and money on that stupid fish." that stupid fish makes me happy, so like, nya ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I feel you about the hyperfixation though... but my fish does help with my mental health and gives me something to do, I think. I know there are drawbacks (like money) but I want to give my little fishy a good life

 

Yes they support, but I think the day I ordered a manzanita branch they thought I’d lost my marbles! XD

 

My boyfriend sometimes complains that he can't hear the TV for all the water movement in the den. I just gaslight him, tell him he must be going deaf.

 

Yes they support, but I think the day I ordered a manzanita branch they thought I’d lost my marbles! XD

I have this GORGEOUS piece of driftwood in my tank. I got it on sale, for 20% off. The total cost even after discount is still a number I keep from my husband. He would ask me why I don't just go down to the ocean or river and get my own! (I would, and I have, but after months of searching I couldn't find anything as amazing as the one I found at my lfs. I'd even looked through their stock, and the stock of all the other aquarium supply stores and online retailers, and thought I just would have to settle...and then the exact piece I'd sketched and imagined turned up So *bleep* caring about the price tag >_>)

 

I have this GORGEOUS piece of driftwood in my tank. I got it on sale, for 20% off. The total cost even after discount is still a number I keep from my husband. He would ask me why I don't just go down to the ocean or river and get my own! (I would, and I have, but after months of searching I couldn't find anything as amazing as the one I found at my lfs. I'd even looked through their stock, and the stock of all the other aquarium supply stores and online retailers, and thought I just would have to settle...and then the exact piece I'd sketched and imagined turned up So *bleep* caring about the price tag >_>)

Haha! Yeah I definitely didn’t tell them how much I paid. Mine was on sale too. I got a lot of side-eye for that one, “you bought a stick....”
“Yes! And isn’t it BEAUTIFUL??”
If I knew how to gather my own out in this mountainous desert I probably would lol.

 

My dad is just into fish as I am, but my mom isn't. She loves the fish, but she doesn't get why they need so much care. My dad and my best friend's dad are both very involved in my tank, and my dad is planning on starting his own for a Christmas.

 

My mom really didn't care what we did as long as it wasn't illegal and it was bought with our own money. My mom even caved a few times and bought me a few bettas or supplies. We had a 5 gallon in the living room for quite a while plus I had 3 more 2 g in my room.

At my apartment now, I have way too many and my brother keeps joking that he's going to come over and fish out my sunfish. So NOT funny , bro...

 

My mom really didn't care what we did as long as it wasn't illegal and it was bought with our own money. My mom even caved a few times and bought me a few bettas or supplies. We had a 5 gallon in the living room for quite a while plus I had 3 more 2 g in my room.

At my apartment now, I have way too many and my brother keeps joking that he's going to come over and fish out my sunfish. So NOT funny , bro...

That reminds me of the story I saw on Instagram of the grandmother who decided her grandson's Arawana was costing too much money to feed and care for, so decided to serve it up to the family one day. A $4000, very personable fish... dinner... *cries* Give your brother a glare from me!

 

My family supports me mostly, it can definitely be hard to get out to frag swaps or meeting local reefers or fish stores, but especially my siblings like them. I've got my little brother and sister spouting out fish and coral names now lol. I have to pay for everything myself, and it won't be too long before I can drive myself to all the frag swaps, expos, and local reefers I want . Counting down the months lol. THREE MONTHS lol. All they pay for is electricity and water and (shhhhh) when I leave I think they'll be shocked by how muchthe bill goes down. Oops.

stella1979 and her hubby work together on their reef tank, but she has her own tanks too.

Nart too.

 

Yep, I am lucky to have the support of my family. Hubs does the reefing thing with me, and my oldest child likes the freshwater stuff. The betta is supposed to be his, as are the ottos and their tank, as well as the goldie and his tank. Boy does everything for his goldie, but I do have to get on his case sometimes to get it done. MY betta and his cube, lol, are my endeavor into cubes and doing the planted thing right. The ottos are happy, but their tank is a little ugly sometimes... which helps keep them happy, lol. Excuses, excuses.

 

I live on my own, with one other friend who is getting ready to move out. I have a 29 in the living room and a 5.5 in my room.

My friend, calls me a "fish-a-holic" lol but doesn't say anything else about it. She's hardly ever home so it doesn't bother her.

My family lives right across the road. My dad thinks it's rather cool and asks some questions but doesn't understand my answers lol. My mom just constantly tells me to stop spending money. My brother and sister really don't seem too interested at all.

So I guess they're all supportive but not all that interested in it.

 

My hubby isn’t into the fish thing but he supports my need to have them and will drive me to just about any store in the state. He’s also gonna be going to the Aquatic Experience in NJ this year with me. I’m hoping he sees just how interesting the hobby can be. I’m a lucky one.

 

My wife was not a big fan of the idea of me keeping fish tanks. I had tanks before we got married and when we got married and moved in together 1 year and 5 months ago I had to get rid of the tanks because of stupid rules in our building. a few months ago I got back into the hobby and she wasn't too happy because she knows how obsessive I get with pets lol Plus my mom warned her, " he is going to start with one tank and fill your house with fishtanks everywhere" and oh boy was she right! I started with a 5 gallon in our room now I have two tanks in our bedroom and a 30 gallon in my living room lol

 

I'm 16 so I obviously still live with my parents. They're both not crazy about my tank (my dad likes a little more though). The main issue is just with things I have to buy to maintain it, and buying fish is a big issue as well (at least it was until recently when I settled with Goldfish). I would definitely not be able to have any more tanks than my one 30 gallon.

 

I would say my hubby is mostly supportive. He says he likes that I have hobby that is just for me. However, he did say 4 tanks is enough. I'll wear him down eventually. Maybe soon if the crayfish eggs we spotted yesterday are fertile.

 

That reminds me of the story I saw on Instagram of the grandmother who decided her grandson's Arawana was costing too much money to feed and care for, so decided to serve it up to the family one day. A $4000, very personable fish... dinner... *cries* Give your brother a glare from me!

I do more than glare. Luckily ,he doesn't have a key to my apartment . But just because I'm a bit peeved don't like people threatening my pets, I remind him that I know how to remove the starter on his truck

 

Wow reading these makes me realize how good I have it!
I started a 29 when I was living alone and was afraid my boyfriend would as me to break it down when we moved into the house he bought.

Instead he let me keep it and ended up setting up a 25 of his own. Now we have a 125 downstairs, my 29, a 5.5 and our newest 25gal saltwater endeavour upstairs.
Sunday is fish day in this house ♡ even our rottweiler loves it

 

My family supports me in my obsession However, they do try to place limits on me. I'm only 15 so I'm not allowed to go on a tank binge and just buy as many as I want. My parents are trying to keep it so I've only got the 45 in our living room, but I'm finding loop holes! I'm getting my biology teacher a 20 gallon that I get to do whatever I want with, I'm stocking my old science teacher's ten gallon as well, and I'm going to try and catch my dad at the right time so I can suggest letting him have my 20 gallon as his office tank, plus I'm going to see if I can get myself a desk tank with a betta, the obsession is real!