Someone stole my bike

Well today was fun. Friday(March 14). I noticed that my bike was missing from my yard. I thought my neighbor had taken it so I waited for them to get home and asked them. They said they didn't have it but thought someone down the street may have it. So we went down there and talked to them. They said "No I don't have it etc." "Never seen a bike like that yadaadada". So I kinda forgot about it over the weekend and my neighbor asked me if I found my bike yet and I said no. SO my other neighbor and I went down the street again and talked to ANOTHER kid that lives down there about it and then we went and talked to some kids down there that know the kid that we thought stole it. They said that they found it yesterday in there creek(it had been thrown in). I think I spooked the boy when I talked to him friday and he wanted to get rid of it. So That's my theory. So we brought it up to the house and called the cops. The cop came asked the story. I told him all that. I also told him that the same day the bike went missing the first time(this is the second found next day first time) that my ipod was stolen from the garage. He wrote all the junk down. My mom and I drove down there(hadn't told her about it) to where the boy lived and showed the officer then we came back home. The officer came back to our house shortly and said that the boy said he didn't do it and was sincere yadada and he had found an ipod in the creek but it was kinda messed up and had to jiggle it to start but he had it at school. Then the parents of the boyed called the cop back and the boy had a different story. He said that he did find my bike in my backyard and that he HAD ridden it around and that he didn't find the ipod in the creek smashed up that he MIGHT have found it in the bushes or something(aka my garage). So they are probably gonna pay to get the bike fixed from being thrown into the creek. Then tomorrow when the boy brings the ipod home we will see if it is mine(have name engraved on back and serial number). If so they will give that. We could charge him with theft and he could go to juvie and court. But we decided we more than likely won't because he has most likely learned his lesson(cop said he was crying and all and parents were a little bit mad haha). So the parents are gonna call us tomorrow and we will see if it is my ipod. Since it is over 500 dollars(650 bike and 320 ipod polus 4500 songs 50 videos($5000 dollars at least) it is counted as a felony so we could make him go to jail but probably won't. So that is how my past few hours have been spent.

I need some rest after homework which I may not even do...because I am dog tired.

:helpsmilie:

 

Don't let the little punk's "sorry" act fool you. Press charges, or he'll think he can get away with this kind of thing again in the future, and he won't stop. He'll escalate.

 

I agree. Press charges or else he'll do it repeatedly in the future. As a kid growing up, I had the exact same story almost, minus I never got my bikes back. had the kid sent to juvie 3 times within 4 years. They stole between 6 bikes, and hundreds of dollars worth of saltwater fishing gear, as well as vandalizing a boat (playing withe the flare guns, warning devices, etc (((we had coast guard in our bayou wondering **** was going on)))) They went away to the big house after that. No more Juvie

DON'T let them get off easy.

 

Well. The kid is only in 6th grade and is 11 years old. So we will see how it turns out. I just don't want this one incident to turn out bad and ruin his life. Though I believe he has stolen other stuff and gotten away with it. Well see and I will let y'all know tomorrow or as soon as I find out.

 

Sounds like it's been more than one incident, with the Bike AND the Ipod at different times. Whatever you do, gl with things, and get an ankle biter dog! May not scare anyone away but I'll be danged if you don't get notified by the incessant barking!! lol

 

Unfortunaltley, I hear stories like this on a daily basis. I am not going to tell you what to do; However it seems to be very common.....Even if it is a juvenile, if at at least, put it in the system.............

please excuse the spelling errors...

 

Well. The kid is only in 6th grade and is 11 years old. So we will see how it turns out. I just don't want this one incident to turn out bad and ruin his life. Though I believe he has stolen other stuff and gotten away with it. Well see and I will let y'all know tomorrow or as soon as I find out.

Hahaha!!! Press charges... He won't get much since he returned the stuff. I am telling you right now he isn't going to change until he has to. If you press charges he might get it...

Look at it this way... He would have never took your stuff if his parents did their job at raising him. Since they haven't and he took your stuff it's time to get him good now while he can still learn from it.

Just my 2 coppers..

 

Thanks everyone. I will continue to think about it and see what the boy says when I talk to him. I know I have done some stuff when I was that age and younger that I regret doing and could have been arrested for and I know I now don't do anything and have just matured and stopped doing things and started thinking before I do something. So I dunno. Still confused.

Thanks for the opinions again!

 

Cory,
I'm sorry for all that, what terrible day.
At 11 years old, and not knowing the boy, it's hard to tell if pressing charges or making restitution would have the best lasting impression on him.
It also depends on how the parents plan to deal with him.
Like, if they pay for damages or they make HIM work to pay it off.
He should also be made to come to your house and apologize to you and your mom.

When my daughter was little, we lived in the city. Her and 2 friends were in the alley playing with sidewalk chalk.
They decided it was a good idea to color the brick on the side of a church.
When us mothers saw it, I took my daughter by the hand, I made her tell the pastor what they did and made her apologize. I then got a bucket of water and soap and made her wash the wall.
I asked the other mom's if their daughters were going to help, they shrugged their shoulders and said it's only sidewalk chalk. My daughter washed the wall by herself.

To me, that wasn't the point. Yes, it would wash off with the first rain, but I felt there was a lesson to be learned.

 

I fully agree with Lucy... its not what the child has done but the principle of the matter. if you do something wrong you should have to deal with the consequences. by the age of 11 and being in 6th grade you are more than aware of right and wrong. its not the parents fault that the child figured it was a good idea.. really there is never an excuse for such actions.

he did indeed cry showing that he did feel bad for what he had done, he did return (or is returning) the stolen items proving he won't be getting away with it, but is that really enough? does that really show the boy that what he did was wrong? will he learn his lesson and change his life for the better?... not likely.

i, too, made some VERY poor judgments in my past but the difference is.. I paid the consequences for my actions. I had no intent on stopping my behavior until I was finally caught and punished. and though I knew what I was doing was wrong and that I was dumb for doing them, I did it anyway.. why? for the story.. when I was back in school the cool thing to do was come in on monday and tell the wildest stories of your weekend adventures.

well.. saying that u ended up in the back of a police car was never a cool story..
all it proved was that I was stupid and ignorant for believing that I could get away with murder.... (not literally!! lol)

not to mention ive almost killed 3 of my friends (not on purpose) because of stupid choices and without punishment I most likely would have just told another story instead of changing my ways

 

its not the parents fault that the child figured it was a good idea

I disagree entirely. At 11 years old, the primary influence in the kid's life is his parents. (or, if it's not, then his parents are definitely to blame)

If our juvenile detention system was directed more at redemption than at revenge, I would agree wholly with the idea of pressing charges, but in general, juvenile detention just reinforces to the kids that they'll always be criminals.

Cory, I understand just how much it sucks when kids do stupid things. On the bright side, you know who did it, the parents are going to be paying to repair the damage. Hopefully this will be a wakeup call for both parents and kid, and things will begin to change in the neighborhood.

 

Thanks sirdarksol. Waiting for someone to say don't press charges. I am kinda along the lines of what your saying. I don't think we are going to press charges. He's not a bad kid or anything. I think he just didn't realize the severeness of what he was doing. But his parents are mad police came to his house. So now I think he has pretty much learned his lesson. But I am gonna see what he has to say for himself because I may get the wrong impression.

 

He's not a bad kid or anything. I think he just didn't realize the severeness of what he was doing.

Not trying to be rude, but you sound more like an irresponsible parent making excuses for their kid than the victI'm of repeated theft. The kid is more than old enough to know EXACTLY what he was doing, unless he has a legitimate mental handicap (which you've made no mention of).

Unless the parents are going to handle the situation properly (i.e. making the kid work to pay off the amount of the damages, etc., not go easy on the little punk), not pressing charges just reinforces the bad behavior by effectively letting him get away with a very serious misdeed...which will most likely lead to bigger and badder things.

There is another point, though...if he's somehow gotten this idea from his peers (entirely possible), going easy on him will not only reinforce the bad behavior, but could make you a potential future target. It may make you look like an "easy mark" because they're "just kids".

 

Actually, Luna, in the growth of a child's mind, unless he is a particularly gifted child, he is not yet at the point where he knows exactly what he is doing. There's a reason that an 11 year old is not entirely legally responsible for his or her own actions.

At this point, the child is learning right from wrong, but has not yet developed a concrete sense of these concepts. If sent to juvenile hall, what will happen is that the child will be surrounded by other "criminal" children, as well as adults who are more concerned with keeping the kids in line than reinforcing what is right. Without this reinforcement (again, unless he is very gifted), he will only know what is wrong, and will cling to it.

And, in my experience, it is not letting something slide that makes one a target, but pressing charges. At this stage in their growth, kids are more likely to lash out at purely negative reinforcement than to cower from it, and if the kids' friends think that Cory sent their friend to "jail", they may well take it out on him. This is a personal lesson, as well as one that my parents have learned.

Of course, it's a Catch22, because many parents will justify their own kids' actions after a week or so, reinforcing the bad anyway.
People should need a license to have kids.

 

I have to disagree. I remember quite clearly what I was like at age eleven. I knew right from wrong VERY distinctly...but, then again, I was a "gifted child"...though I was already as tall as I was going to get and well into puberty by then. Maybe my early psychological development makes me biased, but I also had a strong sense of right, wrong, and consequences for my actions from my parents.

Unless this kid is developmentally challenged, he should have both known better and realized the consequences of his actions...if not, his parents are most likely a BIG part of the problem, so they can't be counted on to reform the kid.

...then again, he's a little BOY. Who KNOWS what's wrong with them at age eleven!

*flares and bites sirdarksol* Being serious gives me a headache.

 

If you even clearly remember age 11, you were gifted, and do not fit the "average" pattern. Neither did I. I was like you, and had already developed that sense of right and wrong.
On the other hand, developmentally disabled children often have an earlier and more distinct sense of right and wrong. Odd that only the "normal" kids develop that one later, neh?

(BTW, the information on psychological development comes from my wife's child psychology classes. She's a neonatal nurse, and discusses this kind of development with parents on a near-daily basis)

I have friends who, at age 11, were terrors. I'm talking serious vandalism, theft, disrespect toward parents, etc... They were still working out right from wrong. Now, one of them is possibly the most honest person I've ever met, another would step in front of a gun to save an innocent bystander from being shot, and a third has given a coat to a drunk who knocked on his door in the middle of the night (this man is not rich, either. Giving up a coat is a huge deal, financially, to him).
All of these people had one issue when they were young, they had parents who weren't involved enough, or were involved in the wrong way. The fourth of the group, the only one who ever had charges pressed on him, went on to become a drug dealer and a general jerk. Of course, four people don't make a proper case study, but they're a good start.

Edit: Oooh! Oooh! Luna's having one of them, what do you call it when you've got a headache with pictures?

An idea?

Yeah, that's it.

 

Not trying to be rude, but you sound more like an irresponsible parent making excuses for their kid than the victI'm of repeated theft. The kid is more than old enough to know EXACTLY what he was doing, unless he has a legitimate mental handicap (which you've made no mention of).

Unless the parents are going to handle the situation properly (i.e. making the kid work to pay off the amount of the damages, etc., not go easy on the little punk), not pressing charges just reinforces the bad behavior by effectively letting him get away with a very serious misdeed...which will most likely lead to bigger and badder things.

There is another point, though...if he's somehow gotten this idea from his peers (entirely possible), going easy on him will not only reinforce the bad behavior, but could make you a potential future target. It may make you look like an "easy mark" because they're "just kids".

I have been trying all day not to say anything on this subject but I have to now. We have become a nation of people who instead of reaching out to someone we just take them to court and sue or have them locked up. I have not heard one person say that this would be a good chance to make a difference in someone life Cory could take him under his wing and be a good role model for him or even a big brother. Second every time a child does something it is not because of bad parenting, you can be the best parent in the world and your kid rob a bank or kill someone. I have four sons and when my oldest son died my next to the oldest took it hard and did a stupid thing . In his own way he was asking for help he is now getting ready to finish school and has been in grief counseling for the last year. If you think every time a child does something it is the parent fault then if you have kids you are in for a rude awaken in parent hood

 

I work with 11 year olds. Some of them know the difference between right and wrong and some don't. It runs along the lines of pushing the teacher or playing pranks until the kids get caught or the teacher gets fed up and sends them to the principal's office. (Except this is just a big more expensive than most pranks.)

Sometimes they don't realize that what they've done is so severe. I'm constantly reminding the kids to think about what they would feel like if it happened to them, not about what it feels like to be the one pulling the prank or taking stuff.

If his parents know about it and, even more importantly, care that he's been stealing, then hopefully they'll do something about it and try to help him realize that he's not always going to get what he wants. (Unfortunately, not all parents are like this.) Do we know that the parents knew about the other things he might have done? No.

Pressing charges on an 11 year old is a BIG thing. He's either a 5th grader or a 6th grader. Would you want something you did in 5th or 6th grade to affect you until you're an adult (and even into adulthood if they don't seal the juvie records)?

The other side is that he'll end up in jail for stealing massive amounts of stuff when he's older.

Well, we can hope for the best, can't we?

Good luck! I hope you get your stuff fixed or replaced!

 

Good point, Paswed. I apologize. I did not mean to imply that every child who is acting out is the parent's fault.

A good number are, however. This is another facet of American life. Many parents are more than content to let the TV and schoolteachers raise their kids. I suppose part of it comes from the increasing number of families where both parents work full time. It takes a super-parent to be able to work 40+ hours a week and devote the rest of their time at home to their kids. Some can pull it off, but not many. I'll likely be a stay-at-home dad when I have a kid, since my wife is a nurse and my degree will be next to worthless (writing ).

 

All of these people had one issue when they were young, they had parents who weren't involved enough, or were involved in the wrong way. The fourth of the group, the only one who ever had charges pressed on him, went on to become a drug dealer and a general jerk. Of course, four people don't make a proper case study, but they're a good start.

Edit: Oooh! Oooh! Luna's having one of them, what do you call it when you've got a headache with pictures?

An idea?

Yeah, that's it.

Your statement here just goes back to my basic point (which may have gotten lost somewhere) that this kid's parents really need to be on the ball in (re)educating him...especially now that he's shown that he either doesn't know any better, or doesn't care.

I will also (although grudgingly *flares some more*) agree with your point that reform school (or any detention, juvenile or adult) unfortunately usually does very little to actually reform anyone.

 

Really, it's hard to say what to do. So many things have to be considered and it's a judgement call on if the boy is really sorry or just scared or outright acting for sympathy. Since it happened to you, you're the one to make the right decision for your life. It's going to be up to that boy to make decisions in his future.

Hopefully, you'll have a new bike and iPod soon. That much at least, he and his parents are responsible for providing to you.

 

When I was about that age I did something that I am to this day ashamed of. A couple of neighbors and I used to like to play in houses under construction in the nearby neighborhood. This did involve minor vandalism, most of which was accidental. What we were doing at the time was slightly unsettling, but not it didn't feel outright wrong. One day someone held a stakeout and caught us and called the police and our parents. They did not press charges, which I am very thankful for. It was a very traumatic experience for me, and nowadays I am known as a goody goody.

I would still probably be a goody goody whether or not I was caught, but I don't know what would have happened if charges were pressed. So, in my personal opinion, I do not think it is always necessary to press charges. I sure got the message. Unfortunately, not everyone would react to the situation in the same manner. Whether or not to press charges really depends on the kid in question, and Coryd55 is the only one who actually knows him. So Cory, only you can make the right decision no matter what advice anyone gives you, including mine.

 

As a parent who has had her child taken to the police station for shoplifting, and I may add that my son has Aspergers Syndrome to a degree. (He knows the difference between right and wrong, and Aspergers will not be used as an excuse for bad behaviour in my house)

He was bought up to know stealing was wrong, and he knew he did wrong at the time too (he hid the item and tried to lie his way out of it). He, and his brother, have always been told, you steal, you will face the consequences of your actions to the full. I will not have a thief in my house!

I took him back to the store, with the item, and told them to charge him, I refused to pay for the item he stole. That only teaches him that its all good and Mum will bail me out, not happening here!

He was taken to the police station, and grilled, he cried, was VERY stressed, but showed he was genuinely sorry for his actions. The police have the option (with minors) to issue a warning rather than put it through the courts. My son got a warning, something he was VERY thankful for and it sticks in his mind to his day. He realises that consequences for doing wrong can be quite severe. A hard lesson, you bet, but a lesson learnt!

The police spoke to me afterwards, and thanked me for being a parent who will not bail their kids out of bad choices, kids need to learn their are consequences for every action. They see so many repeat offenders, who scoff at them and smirk, because they know they will have someone come bail them out, any wonder we are heading towards feral kids on the streets!

 

Cory,

You and your mom are both very intelligent people. For that reason I am going to vote that you do whatever you two agree as being the right thing to do. If the kid is genuinely sorry and the police visit was enough for him, as it is with a lot of children, and you believe he will make a positive turn-around, then there is no use pressing charges.

One thing to remember:

After the charges are pressed, filed, and ruled upon in a court of law it can't easily be taken back. However, if he offends again then the police will have the report on the stolen bike incident and will be able to say that they will press charged whether the victims at the time will or not.

(Essentially, what I'm saying is that one has to realize the consequences of their actions, even if the consequences affect the life of the offender.)

You are a much more caring and thoughtful individual at your age, Cory, than I could say I was at that age. I agree with the person that said you have a chance to take the kid under your wing. That's not to say that you necessarily befriend him, but his actions are screams for attention and for someone to fill the void(s) in his life. I was overall a good kid, but did a few things that were cries for attention. I look back on my childhood as being a fairly good childhood, but realize that those cries for attention went unanswered and it does hurt a bit... I guess I realize that I am stronger for having had to handle it myself, but the emotional scars are there.

If all the kid needs is a true friend and instead he were to be put through the system and made to feel as though he is labeled as 'bad' therefore he must always be bad, wouldn't that be a shame?

(Again, this is not pulling for either side of the arguement, just pointing out the points that I think should be looked at, but again, Cory and his mother are very intelligent folks and can definitely make the right decision, whatever that might be. )

 

sirdarksol ,
I take my hat off to you for your comments, the things we learn and go through when we are young, will make us what we are today. at 11 years old we have little understanding / respect when the "I want" bug bites. Kids will always be kids, and mum and dad have the responsibility to guide and teach.. but IMO TAKE responsibility for the actions taken by a child.
IMO, To give a child a crime record to take into adulthood, is like not letting your dog into your house because it weed on your carpet when it was a puppy..

Coryd55 I hope all things are given back in the same condition as they were taken..
Note.. at times I find it hard to put into words what I mean.. so I hope it makes scents

 

Good point, Paswed. I apologize. I did not mean to imply that every child who is acting out is the parent's fault.

A good number are, however. This is another facet of American life. Many parents are more than content to let the TV and schoolteachers raise their kids. I suppose part of it comes from the increasing number of families where both parents work full time. It takes a super-parent to be able to work 40+ hours a week and devote the rest of their time at home to their kids. Some can pull it off, but not many. I'll likely be a stay-at-home dad when I have a kid, since my wife is a nurse and my degree will be next to worthless (writing ).

I agree with you that is why I am a stay at home mom. I have a at home business so I can stay at home with my kids one of my sons has Aspergers which is a form of autism he is high functioning but still needs to be watched because he does not always understand social issue. I found this out the hard way. I try to let him be a normal kid cause to talk to him you would not even know he has a problem. He was with some kids in the neighborhood and they ask him to go to the store and told him to take something he got caught and would not tell who was with him. In his mind you do not tell on a friend cause it is wrong. I figure out who the kids was and told their parent nothing was done and that child has now robbed a gas station. On the other hand the whole thing made my son scared to leave the house with out his brother to be the go between him and the world. So do not get me wrong some kids are bad apples and some kids just need someone to take them under their wing and help them and some need just a good old fashion whipping

 

So do not get me wrong some kids are bad apples and some kids just need someone to take them under their wing and help them and some need just a good old fashion ---whipping

That's how I was raised, and how I raise my girls. They make 1 mistake, we'll talk it out, they repeat that mistake they know the consequences. Too many parents are enablers for their children today. There is a reason you have repeat deviant behavior from kids today.

I've already said my piece on the subject, and to risk not offending anyone, I won't say anything else.

 

I am ever so familiar with autism, and know the different levels it can hold. I suspect that my parents and myself are mildly autistic (they expect it, too), while my brother is heavily autistic (though he's never technically been diagnosed, one therapist watched him for ten minutes and said "forget autistic tendencies, he's autistic"). I've come into close contact with dozens of autistic people over the years, and have learned that, unless another issue (many of these folks have several disabilities) gets in the way, they know right from wrong.
Sometimes an urge overcomes the wish to do what's right (usually this results in self-harm, rather than harm of another, but there are exceptions), but with most, doing wrong results from the same feelings that drive others at their age equivalent.

 

This has taken an informative and surprising turn. Asperger's must be more common than I thought...

I used to work with a woman whose son had it, and had an aquaintance who had it. She had some other physical disabilities along with it, but I remember how much it affected her processing of information and her social actions. My best friend's oldest son is also mildly autistic, but I don't know if it's been diagnosed as Asperger's or not.

 

paswed hit on something with her first post, and I wanted to add my voice to it.

cory should take the kid under his wing, become like a big brother figure... the kid may not be the type that needs charges pressed immediately; he is still young... but certainly he would benefit from an extra positive role-model in his life.

 

paswed hit on something with her first post, and I wanted to add my voice to it.

cory should take the kid under his wing, become like a big brother figure... the kid may not be the type that needs charges pressed immediately; he is still young... but certainly he would benefit from an extra positive role-model in his life.

that is what I was trying to say we are to quick to lock everyone up or sue them instead of looking deep down and seeing if we can help them. one more of the lesson I learned after lossing my step son.

 

Wow. Thanks for all the comments once more guys. I am not sure that the kid needs to be taken under a wing because socially from what I know he is okay.

I am still at a loss of what to do about charges. The kid has lied to me, his parents, and a police officer more than once in the past few days. Part of me wants to walk down the street and give him a

good old fashion whipping

but of course I won't do that. The kid did not seem "good" when I talked to him. My the age of 11 I think you should know right from wrong. His parents are divorced(remarried) so that may be part of the problem but I don't know. The officer asked him if he knew what he did was wrong and the boy replied yes. So I want to say "Hey he did it purposely and took something that wasn't his and he should be punished legally."

I am so confused at what to do. I didn't get my iPod today either because coincidentally the boy got it taken up which he didn't remember yesterday.... I once again think the boy is lying and trying to get rid of it or something like that. I don't know. I get a bad vibe from the kid and at the moment I am leaning towards pressing charges. But if the kid goes to juvie(previously said) he might think that now that hes done it once and started a record he might as well do it again. Then I think if I don't press charges that if he DOES do something else he will get caught again and will be pressed with charges. Everyone should be given a second chance. I think I am slightly biased though as I was the victI'm in the case....

 

He might just be messed up no matter what choice you make at this point. With an attitude like this and divorce parents, he may have been ignored by one parent, spoiled by the other, abused by any of the adults, or all three.

If you could swing getting him to have to work at your place, you could try to get him interested in fishkeeping, or some other hobby you have (If it were me, I'd try to get the kid interested in karate). Even if he did end up under your wing, he'd still have to make a choice to straighten up, but he'd have the choice. The problem would be that this takes a commitment on your part, and while I think everybody has a certain responsibility to help their neighbors, they also have a right to their own lives.

Sorry I can't help make your choice any easier, and sorry the kid's dragging his heels.

 

Reply to a deleted comment...

 

Wow. Thanks for all the comments once more guys. I am not sure that the kid needs to be taken under a wing because socially from what I know he is okay.

I am still at a loss of what to do about charges. The kid has lied to me, his parents, and a police officer more than once in the past few days. Part of me wants to walk down the street and give him a but of course I won't do that. The kid did not seem "good" when I talked to him. My the age of 11 I think you should know right from wrong. His parents are divorced(remarried) so that may be part of the problem but I don't know. The officer asked him if he knew what he did was wrong and the boy replied yes. So I want to say "Hey he did it purposely and took something that wasn't his and he should be punished legally."

I am so confused at what to do. I didn't get my iPod today either because coincidentally the boy got it taken up which he didn't remember yesterday.... I once again think the boy is lying and trying to get rid of it or something like that. I don't know. I get a bad vibe from the kid and at the moment I am leaning towards pressing charges. But if the kid goes to juvie(previously said) he might think that now that hes done it once and started a record he might as well do it again. Then I think if I don't press charges that if he DOES do something else he will get caught again and will be pressed with charges. Everyone should be given a second chance. I think I am slightly biased though as I was the victI'm in the case....

Don't beat yourself up over it. if his parents give a darn, which they should, they'll pony up for a decent lawyer who will get him in to pre-trial intervention. He can basically keep a clean record in this manner. Whether his parents care enough about him will decide. I'll just repeat I think you should press charges. He'll either a) go on to have a criminal record if you do, or b) go on to have a criminal record if you don't.

If he goes before a judge, believe you me, the gravity of the situation will be readily understood then.
(personal experience - been there, had some hard knock, got the chance at a 2nd chance and clean slate because of a good lawyer and I'm absolutely happy I was busted when I did what I did - had I not been, I would have turned out far worse I'm sure )

 

Ultimately, you're not responsible for his future actions. You've got to do what you feel best and then hopefully he & his parents will see his future choices be better.

 

I feel the same as COBetta... u couldnt stop the child, he made a few bad choices but its fully ur choice of how u feel on situation.

and to a comment made waaaay far up in the thread.. its really NOT the parents fault most of the time. I had a very great childhood.. I only chose to do what I did because I was such a good child and always did eveything right and wanted to not be like that. I found that it wasn't the best way to go but I would NEVER blame my parents for MY actions... I am my own person and since I started school I have made my own decisions as did everyone else in this forum.. u either chose to play house, or read a book, or sit quietly in the corner with some blocks.. no one forced u to play what u did... and at 11.. yeah.. he chose to do what he did.

 

I think sir had a great idea...

you could offer him work at your place OR charges filed... (you have a little while to decide to press charges, right?) so if he doesn't follow through, you can still send him to court. and once he starts working with you a little bit, get him interested in your hobbies, like sir suggested. I know you said that socially, the kid seems fine... I don't think that would negate a need for a good role model. he needs to see that when you follow the rules, sometimes good things happen too. or that, if he's a sweet respectful kid, he can still get the attention he's missing elsewhere. or maybe just that someone might care a little bit.

my parents do foster care for very troubled teenage boys, and ofcourse it depends on the kid to a large degree, but I can tell you - treating them with a little compassion can work wonders. they still get visits from some that are grown and have kids now... and there are others that left my parents no choice but to press charges in certain situations (pulling a knife on my dad, etc)... went into the system and we never heard a word about them since.

 

On the other side of this "mentor the kid" coin...why should he burden himself with the responsibility of babysitting some punk kid he doesn't know just to make sure he stays out of trouble? That's like punishing him for being the victim.

Yeah, the kid probably does need a good role model, but that's asking him to take on a lot of responsibility that not everyone would want or be suited for.

To paraphrase Denis Leary: Due to mental illness, tonight the part of Devil's Advocate will be played by - Candice. >

 

hmm, I never thought of it that way, luna. I suppose some people would find befriending a child in need a burden. good point. I guess i'm idealistic in hoping that it could be the beginning of a rewarding experience for both of them... and i'm certain that there are many people who prefer to do all their own household chores rather than get free labor.

send the kid to the slammer!;D