Some of Life's Crazier Rules & Observations..

• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
• It's a small world so you have to use your elbows alot.
• If marriages were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
• Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day.
• Gargling twice a day is a good way to see if your throat leaks.
• Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
• Money does grow on trees. It's just that the banks own all the branches.
• It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
• You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
• Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
• The quickest way to have a family reunion is to win the lottery.
• It is said that man's ability to reason is what separates him from mere animals. Then again, the animal kingdom has no equivalent to "championship wrestling."
• Ladies, if you're looking for the perfect date, think Mr. Potato Head. He's tan, he's cute and if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.
• If you're looking for the perfect dog, get a lab/pit bull mix. Sure, he might bite off your leg, but he'll bring it back to you.
• Love is never having to say you're sorry. Marriage is never having a chance to say anything.
• Babies are Nature's way of showing people what the world looks like at two o'clock in the morning.
• The minute you find a way to make something idiot-proof, someone will go and make a better idiot.
• Adults are just kids who owe money.
• You know you're in trouble when you tell your doctor your symptoms and he starts backing away.
• Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
• If all the smokers were laid down end to end around the world...three quarters of them would drown.
• Give a man twenty dollars and he eats for a day. Teach a man how to make a twenty dollar bill and he eats for three to five years, with time off for good behavior.
• A straight line is the shortest distance between a baby and something breakable.
• Rehab is for quitters.
• Carpe diem...seize the day. Carp in denim...there's a fish in my pants.
• The easiest way to find something is to buy a replacement.
• There are two secrets of success. Number one, don't share all your secrets.
• It's amazing what you can do when your wife puts your mind to it.
• To become one with your computer is to reach a state of... nerdvana.

 

Another good one Richard! thanks for the laughs
Carol

 

Good ones!

 

LOL.. That first one is one of those wonderful demotivators.

 

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he sits in a boat and drinks beer all day.

 

Hey MousePotato.. sounds like my last outing about two Mondays ago when me 'n my buddy Simon went out to try our luck at his 'famous' red-fish bank where they were supposed to be so plentiful that, in his words " They'll be practically jumping into the boat!".. turned out to be more like an 'infamous' one pathetic fish bank.. good thing the beer cooler was well stocked!..LOL

 

Too funny, Richard! My husband is a fisher and also a hunter. He goes out once every couple of months, all enthusiastic about his plans. People ask me "as an animal lover, how can you condone that?" I tell them maybe I'll get upset if he ever kills anything. So far he's come home sunburned, slightly tipsy and empty-handed after each trip!

 

Thanks for the laughs!