So Frustrated right now!!!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Rhan, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. RhanWell Known MemberMember

    The title says it all, I am so frustrated at the moment!!

    *slows down breathing, envisioning a peaceful rainforest*

    I've been looking into buying a large, used tank for ages now. Anyway, saw one in my local newspaper, 4 foot tank (90 gallons) with a timber cabinet, plus glass lids, heater and an elite hush filter (not sure the rating). It's about 3 years old and is going for $200. The price I am perfectly happy to pay, knowing I will need to get a light for it, and possibly a second filter.

    The problem lies with my parents, well more specifically my dad. We have 3 tanks at the moment, 1 which lives in my room. Dad says no more tanks at all, even when I suggested taking down one of them (the 2 foot) in place of the new tank. He won't even discuss it, which is driving me crazy. At least mum will talk about the pros, cons, where to put it, etc. She's a little unsure, but at least she'll communicate with me. Myself and mum got out a measuring tape and worked out several places where we could put it, but she's a little concerned about clutter.

    I understand it's their house, and they have the right to not allow me to buy something to put in there they don't want. If dad had genuine reasons for feeling uneasy, I would still be disappointed, but I would be much more understanding. It's just the lack of communication that is the worst thing here :( Men!!! (no offense guys.... lol)

    I feel a bit better after that rant, I hope it didn't create too much clutter.

    Oh, and if anyone has any tips/possible arguments, feel free to suggest away!

    Now, I think I'll go back to plotting my next move....
  2. thequietman44Valued MemberMember

    Well I don't have a solution, but I had a few thoughts:

    1. A discussion takes two people, and if he refuses to discuss it, there's really no point in forcing the issue. Even the most rational, well thought out argument is going to fail at this point, so better wait until he's ready to talk.

    2. Once he is ready to talk, probably the best argument for getting a new tank or replacing an existing one is going to be one that involves some tangible, measurable benefit, possibly for him. Perhaps he doesn't like fish, maybe he's tired of spending money on it (electricity, water), maybe he likes his space. Try to think of ways to reduce clutter, economize water and electricity usage, or make the tank so beautiful he can't help but like it :). As a guy, I respond best to logical, practical arguments, where I can see quantitative benefits (I can reduce electrical costs by x amount by combining this equipment/using this more efficient light fixture, etc.). Perhaps your dad is the same way.

    3. Maybe not what you want to hear, but as you said, it IS their house. If after all is said and done they still refuse to let you have the tank, that's a decision you will have to live with. It may not seem fair, but not everyone can have everything they want. Hope that doesn't sound harsh, it's just the way things go sometimes. Be happy you're allowed to have aquariums at all :).

    Anyway, just thought I'd throw out a few thoughts. I really hope it works out for you!
  3. RhanWell Known MemberMember

    Wow, thank you for taking the time to reply :) I wasn't really expecting anyone to, I just felt so much better letting it all out.

    Well I finally got Dad to talk, which was a minor miracle :) We're much more clear on things now, which is a relief. He was just being a brick wall yesterday, which is just so irritating.

    He basically thinks we don't need one yet, which he has a point, we don't have a desparate need to get a bigger tank quite yet. He also has a slight issue with the little bit of clutter it could cause (we'd need to clean up some boxes and stuff that's been around for way too long). And lastly, he is not entirely comfortable buying second hand. He's worried about the structural integrity of the cabinet, in case it's a home-(badly)mad cabinet, as well as the seal on the tank. He actually wants to spend ALOT more money on buying a brand new unit. I told him it could easily end up $1000+, but the thing is, I wanted to pay for the tank, as in it being my tank that I can take with me one day when I move out without feeling guilty.

    I'm glad I at least know what is going on in his head :)

    You're right about the logic, my dad is exactly like that. I learnt a long time ago that I have to fight logic with logic with him lol

    We've planned to have a deeper discussion about it later tonight, so I'll just have to see how it goes.

    Thanks again for your reply, it has helped me look at the situation in a different light, which is always great :)
  4. gremlinWell Known MemberMember

    You could always point out that you would need to have one up and running to allow it to cycle. That way you would not have to scramble at the last minute and worry about daily water changes to try to get a tank to cycle when you need it.

    Is there a way you could inspect the tank and cabinet before you buy it? Ask him to go with you to see how well the cabinet is built and what sort of shape the tank is in?

    Did you tell him you wanted to try to pay for it yourself? Let him know (nicely of course) that you appreciate his willingness to spend so much money on a new tank, but that you really want to try to do this yourself and that you would appreciate his insight and support.

    Good luck - and if he still says no, just figure that will give you more time to save up for your dream tank at a later time. You could start a "tank fund".

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