So angry! Friend STOLE my fish!

I went away for a few days and asked my best friend to just come and feed and check on my animals, while I was gone. When I came back she told me that one of my Silver Dollars ate one of my Ember Tetras. Ive had them in the same tank for months and the Silver Dollars have never gone after any of the other fish. And I found it odd that they would have eaten only one and left the other 5. I thought maybe it had died and she felt guilty so she made up a story.

Then, I went to her house later that day. And in a little betta bowl, with no heater or filter, was one lone Ember Tetra. I asked her where she got it from. She said she went to the LFS that I liked. So, when she wasn't in ear shot I called the LFS and asked if they had any in stock. They said they'd been out for almost 2 weeks. So I confronted her about that. She said she had it for a couple weeks I just "must not have noticed it".

I have tried to get her to admit so many times that she stole my fish, but she keeps lying. And not only that but she took a schooling fish, and put it in a tiny bowl, by itself with no filter or heater. ANd all because her 3 year old wanted an orange fish.

We got into a huge fight 2 years ago because when she made it unbearable to live with her anymore so I moved out. At this point we lived in Tennessee and I was coming back to my family in Jersey (since then she's moved back to Jersey because her family is here to). I had to take a bus back and couldnt take my cat, so I told her once I got back I would arrange to have the cat flown to me. Well, I got home and she told me she would not return the cat. That her Son, who was 4 months old at this point, has fallen in love with the cat and would I really wanna take the cat away from my godson? We fought about it for days because that cat was my baby. Finally her husband called me and called me every name in the book, and told me I'm never seeing that cat again and to leave his family alone or he's having me arrested.

I'm just so angry that she would do this again. It kills me to go over there and see my cat still there but now her son is 3 and really is attached to the cat.

Since then, our friendship hasnt been as strong and now this. Why would she steal a fish that she could wait until it came in stock and buy for like $6? Its driving me nuts.

 

Blah! That's really sucky. I'm so sorry.

Not quite the same, but one time back in 2010, I had a party at my house[that year was a tough year for me[I had a lot of health issues despite living a good life up to that point] and I somehow thought partying made me feel better], well, a random person stole my jeweled curly tailed lizard who was one of the most affectionate & smart lizards I've ever seen[he'd avoid the cats & follow me room to room by using the ceiling] and when I went to confront them about it, I found him, dead ... I imagine of being mishandled. I was so upset over that. More then the fact I lost a pet, but because he was probably traumatized in death which is just terrible. Had they asked and I thought it would have been a good idea, I'd have gladly given away the lizard too but no. Some people are just always gonna be jerks & try to take whatever you have.

 

I know this isn't a consolation, but the tetra will probably be dead sooner rather than later.

Also, as some friendly advice, that sounds like someone you should stay far, far away from. It doesn't seem like you're going to get anything profitable or, frankly, friendly out of this relationship.

 

What kind of a friend steals your animals! That must really suck!

 

That's definitely not a healthy relationship. I think the real problem is what you stated at the end, that even though she could have gotten one herself she felt the need to take yours without asking you, and lied about it.

 

You must be a very patient and forgiving person to stay friends with someone like that after she already stole your cat and she and her husband treated you afterwards as if you had done something wrong. I can forgive weaknesses amd flaws, but I expect my friends to live according to similar principles which include no stealing or lying. if she'd wanted a cat for herself or her kid, she could have gotten one easily for free from the pond. Same with an orange fish, Instead of taking one of yours, she could have gotten a cheap feeder goldfish (not that that would be a better fish to keep in a tiny bowl). Fact is, she didn't have to steal from you and lie to you in either case. I'd definitely stay away from such a characterless person.

I'm mad at her, too!

 

I really am starting to rethink our friendship. But we've been friends since we were 8. I was her maid of honor at her wedding and I'm her son's godmother. I don't remember a time without her in my life (except for the year we stopped talking after the cat incident). Its just hard for me to just walk away from all those years of friendship.

But, at the same time, I haven't felt close to her for years. We don't share a lot of the same values, same interests, or same tastes. And the fact that when we lived together she did everything in her power to make me uncomfortable. She was jealous because her dog, that I lent her the money to adopt from the shelter, spent every minute with me. He followed me everywhere, she would cry at night because she wanted him to sleep in her room, so her husband would come in my room, pick up the 95 pound lab/greyhound mix and carry him across the hall to her room because that's the only way he could get him to go. She yelled, screamed, annd acted like a child over everything. one time she set the stove on fire trying to cook Mac and cheese. She was in the other room giving the baby a bath and I yelled the stove was on fire. She came out and rolled her eyes while I put the fire out. She dressed the baby and put him in his playpen and I asked her why she would turn on the stove and not watch it, so she took the pot of boiling water off the stove and threw the entire thing at me. Screaming that if I don't want her to cook anymore she wont.

Then there's the whole incident that made medecide I needed to leave, but I'm not even gonna get into that here.

Sorry about the novel, I'm just so angry.

 

I'm sorry about your friend. I think you already know the answer to this friendship thing. Its one way and you're better off closing this chapter in your life. You've already given her a chance. Now its time to let go.

 

go over. grab the bowl and run !!!!!!

 

go over. grab the bowl and run !!!!!!

I think that might cause more issues. Though I would love to. lol. Ill just go out and get more Tetras. It gives me an excuse to get more fish

 

I'm sorry about your fish and cat, but if it makes you feel better karma's going to get her.

 

Newsflash for her: Your child is going to have to learn to live without, eventually. Saying no once in awhile won't kill him.

Personally I would have never let them get away with keeping the cat in the first place, and if it was something the police couldn't have been brought into than I would have never spoken to her again. You're too forgiving, I hope karma gets this woman.

 

Newsflash for her: Your child is going to have to learn to live without, eventually. Saying no once in awhile won't kill him.

I completely agree, I have told her this his entire life. She gives him everything he wants and never says no.

 

Ask her if your friendship is worth a 6 dollar fish. If it isn't then say goodbye and you get off having it only cost 6 bucks. If she would steal a fish and cat what makes you sure she wouldn't steal anything she sees of yours she likes? Trust lost is way more then 6 dollars.

 

Honestly, I don't understand why you had this person watch your fish in the first place? You were gone for a few days, they would have been fine I'm sure. I don't think I'd want someone like that in my HOUSE, let alone my life! If you lived in KY I would think "I know exactly who that person is"...I'm surprised there's another person out there like my neighbor's daughter!

What are NJ's animal control laws like? If you told her that she'd get in trouble with animal control for keeping the fish the way she has it, would she give it back to you?

 

I'm so sorry about your fish. From what I've read, not only am I the worried about the fish but horrified at the example she is setting for the child!

 

She wasn't only watching my fish. She came to check up on my bird and give her food and water, and being as she's the only person besides my mother and I that the bird will allow in her cage, it had to be her. I didnt want someone else coming in, getting bit, then that causing an issue.

And honestly, the biggest issue I had was her stealing and lying. If she had come to me and said "Robert really wants a fish, can you help me?" I would have taken her out and gotten a 10 gallon tank, filter, and heater. Cycled it with my established filter media then took Robby to the LFS showed him what he can put in that tank and let him choose. And I would have paid for it all. I'm just so angry at the lying and stealing.

What are NJ's animal control laws like? If you told her that she'd get in trouble with animal control for keeping the fish the way she has it, would she give it back to you?

I don't think NJ has very many animal control laws concerning fish. But I really don't know.

 

I don't think NJ has very many animal control laws concerning fish. But I really don't know.

They probably don't have many concerning fish, but I was asking about pets in general. If they have strict laws governing other pets, your friend would probably think they did for fish as well (if you told her that). I would at least try it, it can't hurt.

 

She wasn't only watching my fish. She came to check up on my bird and give her food and water, and being as she's the only person besides my mother and I that the bird will allow in her cage, it had to be her. I didnt want someone else coming in, getting bit, then that causing an issue.

And honestly, the biggest issue I had was her stealing and lying. If she had come to me and said "Robert really wants a fish, can you help me?" I would have taken her out and gotten a 10 gallon tank, filter, and heater. Cycled it with my established filter media then took Robby to the LFS showed him what he can put in that tank and let him choose. And I would have paid for it all. I'm just so angry at the lying and stealing.

Friends just don't do that! You seem like an incredible sweet and patient person, but a friend wouldn't steal your fish AND make a lie about it.

 

I'm so sorry. This is a really sucky situation all around. If you choose to remain friends with her, I wouldn't trust her to be alone in your home. Really, if she will steal pets, what is to stop her from helping herself to anything else she wants? I would amputate her like a tumor, because at this point, she is certainly parasitic.

And something else, you deserve way better than a friend who lies, steals and throws pots of boiling water at you! And then for her to sick her husband on you? You've been friends since you were 8 and she sicks her husband on you to insult and berate you? So drop her and make room for new friends. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone local who shares you fish keeping passion?

Best wishes to you. You are obviously a kind person and worthy of someone deserving of the title of "friend".

 

I hate to say this, because she's certainly the guilty party in this... but you had to see something like this coming. She stole your cat, she fought with you and refused to give it back to you and let her husband call you names over the cat.

You should never have spoken to her again after that. You really should never had let her into your house or let her babysit your pets again after that.

Now you say you're rethinking your friendship with her?! Is she gonna have to steal your car before it's "enough" to sever the ties? This person is a liar and a thief, it's not a friend. Tell her that you hope she remembers the cat and the fish and the lessons she's taught him when her kid ends up in prison for armed robbery at 16, and never speak to her again.

 

This is now #1 on the list of the most pathetic things I've read on fishlore.

Sorry you lost your fish......I'm at a loss for words.

 

Wow that is LOW!!!!!!
I would not be putting up with that... How do you trust her!

Wow I am so mad at her on your behalf!

 

This is no friend. I agree with others, you are too forgiving.

 

Wait, she threw a pot of boiling water at you? That's ground for assault. You could have been seriously injured. Get that woman into therapy.

 

ok..... at three months I believe that the kid could really get attached to your cat. I would still argue about it and such but when she gets her husband to call you, call you names and threaten to call the cops (when honestly they would be the people to get in trouble, not you), that is the end of the line. honestly, I think you should have said right then and there that you are done with her entire family and that they should find a new godmother.

 

I completely agree, I have told her this his entire life. She gives him everything he wants and never says no.

My aunt treats my cousin (Who's like, ten now) the same way, he became really spoiled. His mom buys him anything, including pet he wants, and usually they're dead within two weeks. He likes to punch people, thinking they won't fight back, but I have a fairly violent little sister so I give him a bit of a reality check every time he visits. We once took him out to an ice cream shop and he threw a tantrum when my sister ordered gummy bears on hers and he hadn't. My aunt bought another ice cream cup specifically to fill with gummy bears and give it to him. Honestly, kids who get whatever they want when they're little will expect it to keep happening their entire lives. It isn't good.

Also, boiling water? Seriously?!

 

You have a couple options here. You can either drop this person as a friend. Or you can forgive, forget, and just never let her watch your house again or entrust her with anything important.

Leave her parenting skills alone, you'll likely get nowhere. But you CAN shut her out and just not let her into your home. If she asks, either tell her why, or not. But she will eventually get the hint that while you still want to be friends, you don't want her in your home.

Me personally, I would just say no way to this person. But I too have a friend kind of like this. I don't trust her at ALL any more and I very rarely go to see her. This person I don't consider to be my friend any more, but I have forgiven her. I just don't trust her or like her as much as I used to. This person called me all sorts of things when I first got pregnant with my first little one. She told me I was lazy, that I was going to ruin my life, that I shouldn't have him...so on. She didn't even send it to me, she sent it to my husband. He showed it to me, and I proceeded to tell her I didn't want her in my life and to just bug off and figure out what her problem was. We used to be really close, I knew she had emotional issues. But I was ALways there for her. Now when she asks me a question about some, she gets the full undisclosed truth to what I think. Lol, it usually isn't what she wants to hear, even though it is indeed the truth.

Moving on...I don't consider her my friend anymore.

 

You know the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"

I just wouldn't put myself in that situation again. You can find better friends out there.

 

I would just quite being her friend. If she throws pots of boiling water at you, doesn't care if the house starts on fire and steals your animals, I would just tell her I'm done with all of this.

 

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of you beloved pets, and the treachery of your friend! Indeed there is no excuse for her behavior. Personally, I would not allow her, or her family members, in a position where they could either cause you physical harm, or steal from you. When dealing with people like that, you have to draw very clear boundaries. That being said, I feel sorry for this gal, her husband and her child. It is a miserable state to be in when you have become so comfortable with treating others the way that they have treated you. Also, comfortable with the terrible example that they are raising their child under. To me, this is heartbreaking. In light of all she has done to you, it would be totally understandable if you permanently cut all ties with her and her family. Personally, I wouldn't cut them off entirely. Rather, I'd forgive them for their wrong doing, though they're far from deserving, while putting strict boundaries in place to prevent such things from happening again. I believe that she needs someone in her life that won't allow her to treat them with such disrespect, yet someone who also doesn't give up on her. I can't even imagine what would cause your friend to be so completely rotten but, it is very clear that she needs help. Out of pity for her I would do what I could to be a good example, all the while insisting that certain boundaries be observed for your protection. If she refuses to observe your boundaries and chooses to walk away from your friendship, then you've done what you could. I know it sounds sort of pie in the sky but, maybe you'll one day find her a true friend. As long as she lives, there is hope for her to change. Anyhow, that's just what I would do. I have seen such miserable people transformed because of the kindness of others... in truth, I am one of them.

 

Finally her husband called me and called me every name in the book, and told me I'm never seeing that cat again and to leave his family alone or he's having me arrested.

Why on earth would you stay friends with her after the cat incident? I'm sorry about your fish, but I'd cut my losses and run as far away from this insanity as possible. And make sure she doesn't have a key to your home.

Also, we have a Pet Nanny I found through Care.com that takes care of our dogs, 4 fish tanks and 3 parakeets while we're gone. She's a Godsend.

 

I went to see her today and gave her one last chance to tell the truth. She still insisted it wasn't my fish and if I really wanted to upset her son just take the fish and leave, but I would be stealing.

I flipped my lid.

I told her exactly how I felt about her lying, stealing ways. I told her she was no longer my friend because she is not trustworthy. I also told her that her son is going to grow up to be a lying, thieving person just like her if she didnt get it in check. I then told her to have a nice life with the fish and walked out.

And the reason why she is the way she is is because her mother was just like her when it comes to parenting. Her mother doesn't lie or steal, she's a very christian woman and it would kill her to know her daughter is like that. But, she let both of her daughters get away with everything. The younger of the two (my (now ex) friends sister) would beat up her mother when she didnt get her way. And the mother didnt believe in discipline so she got away with everything.

I can be a very kind and forgiving person, but the second someone gets me that angry all bets are off. Very few people have seen me that angry but I can get mean.

 

Lol, I would have taken the fish, honestly (she DID say you could.) And explained that it was just going to die in that bowl anyhow...as I was walking out.

 

lol I was so angry I wasn't even thinking clearly. I just wanted to get out of there before I hit her and really did have cause to be arrested.

 

IMO, Her mother wasn't very Christian if she didn't believe in discipline.

I would have also taken the fish

 

I went to see her today and gave her one last chance to tell the truth. She still insisted it wasn't my fish and if I really wanted to upset her son just take the fish and leave, but I would be stealing.

I flipped my lid.

I told her exactly how I felt about her lying, stealing ways. I told her she was no longer my friend because she is not trustworthy. I also told her that her son is going to grow up to be a lying, thieving person just like her if she didnt get it in check. I then told her to have a nice life with the fish and walked out.

And the reason why she is the way she is is because her mother was just like her when it comes to parenting. Her mother doesn't lie or steal, she's a very christian woman and it would kill her to know her daughter is like that. But, she let both of her daughters get away with everything. The younger of the two (my (now ex) friends sister) would beat up her mother when she didnt get her way. And the mother didnt believe in discipline so she got away with everything.

I can be a very kind and forgiving person, but the second someone gets me that angry all bets are off. Very few people have seen me that angry but I can get mean.

Good for you! Just don't start feeling guilty because you were rough with her. It might have done her some good to hear the truth for a change, but I doubt it. She definitely deserved it. Too bad about the poor fish.

BTW, what kind of bird do you have? A harpie? A vulture?

 

Ughhh that sucks. I hope you'll get over it eventually.

 

I wouldn't have cared if he said he was gonna arrest me. I woulda broke the door down and snatched up my animals asap. How can a baby have feelings for an animal. Shes sad for using her kids as an excuse for stealing your pets. If you had the cat registered to your name and address it would've made things a whole lot easier. I'm sorry you have to go thru this but sometimes the Lord shows you things to unmask peoples true faces and wicked ways. It may be a painful lesson to learn but at least now you know.

 

Good for you! Just don't start feeling guilty because you were rough with her. It might have done her some good to hear the truth for a change, but I doubly deserved it. Too bad about the poor fish.

BTW, what kind of bird do you have? A harpie? A vulture?

Lol she's a blue front amazon parrot. But when she bites she means business. The person I got her from gave her to me because she bit his girlfriend in the hand so hard she messed up her tendon.