75 Gallon Tank Should i just give up?

oceansfish

my tank doesn't have any real problems. it's a nice hefty marineland one. i have chronic generalized anxiety disorder and it feels like i've aged years over worrying that the tank would give out.
i LOVE fish, and this is like my dream tank. but i don't know how much more i can handle. i've also realized that if any of my equipment were to fail (heater, filter) i would be out of luck as i have no money to replace them with.
should i .... give up? cut my losses before things go even more wrong? my heart aches, BADLY, but (my anxiety makes me think?) that i just can't see this ending well.
 

awilkinson871

As with anything in life, there are ups and downs. There will be equipment failures and death in fish keeping. You have to ask yourself- is watching and taking care of the these fish worth the worry. In my case- absolutely YES!
 

oceansfish

i think it's not so much about the tank, and more about my rampant untreated anxiety. treatment is impossible to find right now, and i'm at the end of my rope and feeling so low and hopeless. i don't know if i can care for a tank and myself at the same time. my heart hurts so badly for this.
 

peachsonas

i think it's not so much about the tank, and more about my rampant untreated anxiety. treatment is impossible to find right now, and i'm at the end of my rope and feeling so low and hopeless. i don't know if i can care for a tank and myself at the same time. my heart hurts so badly for this.
As someone who has chronic anxiety, I understand. To be blunt, if it stresses you out to the point where you feel like you’re not going to be able to take care of yourself and the tank, prioritize yourself. Find a friend or maybe an LFS to rehome your fish and work on yourself until you feel ready to care for a tank again. It’s a big responsibility and with that can come the burden of constantly worrying about the well-being of your fish and the “what if’s”. It’s okay to take a break from the hobby and come back when you’re feeling up to it again, even if it hurts to let go. It’s not giving up, it’s putting yourself first.
Also, let me add that fishkeeping is expensive hobby with constant upkeep. Definitely an extra bill, so this break could alleviate you from that financially too.
 

Donthemon

i think it's not so much about the tank, and more about my rampant untreated anxiety. treatment is impossible to find right now, and i'm at the end of my rope and feeling so low and hopeless. i don't know if i can care for a tank and myself at the same time. my heart hurts so badly for this.fish keeping is meant to be relaxing not stressful.
If you didn’t worry get anxious about the tank would you just have something else to stress over instead? Good wishes for you . I am on Zoloft for depression so I feel for you. Before I was treated I didn’t know what to do.
 

Azedenkae

my tank doesn't have any real problems. it's a nice hefty marineland one. i have chronic generalized anxiety disorder and it feels like i've aged years over worrying that the tank would give out.
i LOVE fish, and this is like my dream tank. but i don't know how much more i can handle. i've also realized that if any of my equipment were to fail (heater, filter) i would be SOL as i have no money to replace them with.
should i .... give up? cut my losses before things go even more wrong? my heart aches, BADLY, but (my anxiety makes me think?) that i just can't see this ending well.
As someone that is diagnosed with an actual anxiety disorder, I would suggest giving up.

I only managed to still keep fish because when I first started, I kinda skipped over all the complexities of everything and the fish somehow lived, so that kinda gave me some reassurance later on, and even then I still get worked up every once in a while.

So I don't think it's healthy for you to continue on. Based on your description, it sounds like your anxiety is pretty bad too. So best not to make it worse. Life is already complicated enough as is, there are other hobbies that are less anxiety-inducing and still rewarding.

[EDIT]

I don't know when you said treatment is impossible to find right now just because it's not accessible, or if a specific treatment for your anxiety disorder is not available. I thought I could share my experience though.

I have so far mostly managed to control my anxiety after a long, arduous process of self-realization and control, but a lot of the time still need to rely on meditation and breathing exercises.

When the above does not work though, I have had success with Amitriptyline, which is predominantly an anti-depressant but also used for anxiety. With that said, I am not condoning just randomly grabbing pills out of nowhere and popping them. But it might be worth talking to your doctor/therapist to see if it might be a possible solution. It works well for me, does not mean it will definitely work well for you, but if you have not tried it, might be worth a shot (again, under doctor's orders only).
 

oceansfish

just woke up from a stress-dream about the tank sooo gonna write some replies

It’s a big responsibility and with that can come the burden of constantly worrying about the well-being of your fish and the “what if’s”. It’s okay to take a break from the hobby and come back when you’re feeling up to it again, even if it hurts to let go. It’s not giving up, it’s putting yourself first.
:~( i really appreciate your input, and you're right. it just hurts a lot. it's my passion, but i'll never be able to afford a tank like this again. (bought the initial setup with stimulus money, disabled w no job)
If you didn’t worry get anxious about the tank would you just have something else to stress over instead?
100%, for sure. for me it's always one thing after another. if one thing gets resolved, my brain goes right on to the next thing. getting rid of the tank would make me really sad, and i might have a brief respite before moving on to the next worry.
So I don't think it's healthy for you to continue on. Based on your description, it sounds like your anxiety is pretty bad too. So best not to make it worse.
it honestly doesn't feel healthy. i just really wanted to do this, because i missed having fish so much. it's really, really not healthy. my anxiety is overwhelmingly bad, and has been for a very long time.
I don't know when you said treatment is impossible to find right now
i kiiiiind of have treatment, but my new provider is completely slammed. my next psych appointment is two months away, and the therapist waiting list is over 3+ months long. i was inpatient twice last month. it's really getting rough for me, and it feels like the professionals can't/won't do anything. :~( i might need to go into residential treatment, and i definitely don't feel comfortable putting the responsibility of the tank onto my family.

sorry to sound so whiney, everyone. it's just all so overwhelming, and hurts me a lot emotionally. i'm just in a really bad spot right now
 

Aquaricky

My opinion, if you strugle about having an aquarium or not, then is a no. Unless everything is clear in your mind, go for something else

Similar to taking a puppy etc...
 

oceansfish

Unless everything is clear in your mind, go for something else
yeah. my heart hurts, but i'm drafting my craigslist post right now.
 

Aquaricky

Try world of warcraft, helped me during my depression
 

GlennO

yeah. my heart hurts, but i'm drafting my craigslist post right now.
Do you need to sell everything? You could rehome the fish, drain it and put some pot plants in it and it will still be there in future when you're feeling better. At that point you may even feel enthusiastic about restarting with different aqua scaping and stocking ideas.
 

oceansfish

it will still be there in future when you're feeling better
:-O i'm mind-blown, that's actually a fantastic idea.... wow tysm... almost seems like the perfect solution for me!!
Try world of warcraft
thanks aquaricky, this reply is cracking me up! i already have a video game habit, but never played WoW. my faves are the subnautica series (hah predictable) and stardew valley ⭐️
 

Aquaricky

Careful not to become addicted with this game

Another good thing is the social in game (a lot player day and night), you aren t alone
 

Azedenkae

i kiiiiind of have treatment, but my new provider is completely slammed. my next psych appointment is two months away, and the therapist waiting list is over 3+ months long. i was inpatient twice last month. it's really getting rough for me, and it feels like the professionals can't/won't do anything. :~( i might need to go into residential treatment, and i definitely don't feel comfortable putting the responsibility of the tank onto my family.

sorry to sound so whiney, everyone. it's just all so overwhelming, and hurts me a lot emotionally. i'm just in a really bad spot right now

Dang, that sucks. And hey no, it's fine. It's all good. You are good. Take care of yourself. You will be fine, but yeah, don't worry. Those like you and I have all been there, done that, and it's never fun. Good luck on your future endeavours!
 

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