Sexism In The Aquarium Hobby - Page 2

  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
Jocelyn Adelman said:
Not a bug kinda gal, but that moth is beautiful, truly!
No issues with mice, snakes, lizards, etc... but no bugs....

At times I have wished I kept things other then guppies to get rid of the stereotype (yes, I've experienced it in nj in a few different stores). Happily now the one I frequent will often bring customers over by me for back up... lol... love when they are trying to explain filtration (usually nitrate issues) or ferts, but the customer just doesn't get it.... I'm the back up... interesting reaction some of the male customers have....

I agree though it's pretty much a male dominated hobby, publicly at least. Everyone who comes to my home always assumes my hubby is the fish nut... poor guy doesn't even know what types of fish they are, or how to do a water change lol.

All in due time, girls... soon it will be us posting the videos!

(Also curious to where the store is located... will be sure to skip it next time!
I know at my normal LFS I am by far outnumbered by the guys. But they take me seriously!

I'll PM you the store...
 

SegiDream

Member
ChrisX said:
He was a jerk, but learn from it and figure out how to grab control of a situation like that before it goes wrong.

A trick I have learned is to understand that a lot of people have "foot in the mouth disease". Many times people say something that is offensive (when they don't mean to be), or sometimes they are in a bad mood and act offensively, (when in better times they would behave better.) The rest of the time they actually mean to be offensive, likely to get a reaction out of you, to bully, intimidate, etc.

In all cases, don't respond negatively, control your body language, and just keep going on with the conversation as if nothing happend (or smile like it was a joke). Redirect to what you want to talk about. If they act as if they don't hear you, just pretend they didn't hear you and ask again.
Wholeheartedly agree with this. I probably wouldn't have given much thought about this guy's comments. Would have tried to steer the conversation to what I wanted/needed and if he still wouldn't help then I would have found someone else who could. When you control your reaction (keep your cool, stay professional, etc) you should be able to control the situation, most of the time.

Now on the other hand sometimes you have to nip it in the bud, slam the door on it so to speak or it will continue. There's this guy I work with. Every time I would send work back he tells me I'm wrong and that it's fine. Which really ticks me off because I am more than qualified to make the judgement calls. I usually will tolerate him to some degree and keep it civil, but when it comes to doing a job right my foot goes down. Don't get me wrong, I can fix things myself but how do people learn from their mistakes if they never know they're making them in the first place?

Anyways, recently he got a reaction out of me and it sounds like nothing but he really got under my skin. His area feeds work to my area and he stopped feeding work to my area one day, even though I had previously mentioned a lack of work he let hours pass without sending any work over. So I went in there to find out what the hold up was. And he gave me some snarky remark that it wasn't a priority. I raised my voice (which I NEVER do) and told him he better make it a priority because the supervisor was about to be informed people were sent home due to lack of work and he could explain to her why he hadn't moved any work but still collects a paycheck. I guess the explaining part was a little uncomfortable because... well for now he does what I ask lolol.
 

wolfdog01

Member
2211Nighthawk said:
That's what we joke. always have loved getting down and dirty. not a heck of a lot about me is truely "feminine" except for physical looks. The odd time I do like to dress up but even then I have to confront my sister so that she can approve I'm appropriate to go out in public. she's the fashion expert in my family.
I can relate to you there lol my doctor actually did tests because my hormones are out of wack and it turns out I have 40% more testosterone than most women. I joke with my mom that she could have had a son lol

Bruxes and Bubbles said:
But seriously, this moth was just perfect...it even had a tiny claw at the bottom of each foot to hold onto things, and the little antenna would move to the side rhythmically like little satellites. It even has eyespots to confuse predators - each eyespot had a shiny black spot that mimicked a pupil. It was beautiful. If feeling amazement at having the privilege to see this gorgeous animal up close makes me the weirdest person, so be it.

That little smol bean is adorable. I LOVE how fuzzy it is! I love going out in my yard at night to look at what moths and frogs are clinging to the walls and lights. Honestly, dogs and cats and anything that has a vet with it is too much work lol if I can diagnose and treat at the house, it feels much more rewarding...plus no huge bills or insurance lol fish don't need dental cleaning or nail trimming
 

MattS99

Member
Lchi87 said:
I know at my normal LFS I am by far outnumbered by the guys. But they take me seriously!

I'll PM you the store...
I kinda wanna know what store it is too. Wonder if I've been there lol. No good LFS's in NJ (well, around me at least).
 

Aquaphobia

Member
FlutterFish said:
I don't see sexism as much, but I do see some ageism...

I've had a staff member go over and start talking tanks with my dad, who just kind of gaped at him, sweating nervously because he had no idea what the staff member was talking about. So he pointed to me, and the man said :

"Oh? Does she want some pink fish? We have some pink gravel, a lot of girls her age seem to like that... but I really wouldn't trust her with an aquarium. Girls her age aren't really responsible."

Yeesh.
Grrrr...

2211Nighthawk said:
That's what we joke. always have loved getting down and dirty. not a heck of a lot about me is truely "feminine" except for physical looks. The odd time I do like to dress up but even then I have to confront my sister so that she can approve I'm appropriate to go out in public. she's the fashion expert in my family.
Hehe on the rare occasions that I dress up I pay a professional to do my makeup. Then show up at the staff Christmas party and nobody knows who I am
 

clk89

Member
Bruxes and Bubbles said:
I hate it when people say things like that! Tell him this girl would have some words of her own to say if someone suggested doing that to her fish! And I don't even curse! The nerve of some people!



I will say one thing that does really annoy me with people in general - if you love an animal that is anything other than a dog, cat, or some other societally defined 'cute' animal, you are apparently very strange to the outside world. Yes, I loved my rats. Yes, I love my boa and my gecko and my roaches and my fish. They are my pets. And while some I may be more connected to than others, just because it's not always fuzzy or, in the rat's case, not tailless, does not mean you cannot have a relationship with it or that it is not an intelligent animal with its own personality and quirks. And even if it is totally instinctual...I still love it because I get to see the wonder of nature in my own room.


Worst was when I was showing off a picture of a moth that I found (that moth was seriously awesome; like a beautifully designed little alien) and I got the comment that I was something to the effect of 'the weirdest person they knew'. Lovely. Thanks a lot for that. My anxiety was spiked up that day, so that stung more than it usually does.
Sorry, I needed to vent. My little sister loves my animal stuff, so I'm very thankful for her. I just wish people would stop making comments. I don't mind jokes, but personal insults sting sometimes.

But seriously, this moth was just perfect...it even had a tiny claw at the bottom of each foot to hold onto things, and the little antenna would move to the side rhythmically like little satellites. It even has eyespots to confuse predators - each eyespot had a shiny black spot that mimicked a pupil. It was beautiful. If feeling amazement at having the privilege to see this gorgeous animal up close makes me the weirdest person, so be it.



Sorry, that was long. I needed to vent.
I have loved bugs and other non "cute" animals since I was a young girl so I know exactly what you mean on that too. Like I said on my original comment to this post I have gotten remarks on me liking insects, and reptiles for a long time. Now my mom hated bugs, snakes, rats and so forth but she never tried stop me when it came to having a pet rat, petting snakes at the zoo, nor saving a white moth by keeping it in the house for a couple days. I've always been thankful for that.

I do love those eyespots, how insects camouflage themselves from predators is pretty interesting. We raise painted lady butterflies every year in spring then release them outside once their wings are strong enough. They literally look like Monarch butterflies just so birds who know Monarchs give them upset stomachs won't eat them. I always thought that was pretty clever.
 

Nataku

Member
I've gotten the girl fish/boy fish **** before.
Which I personally get a good laugh out of because the one who loves angelfish and guppies is my husband.
I'm the one with all the 'weird' fish like dojo loaches and butterfly fish.
 

NavigatorBlack

Member
It's food for thought that some of the most respected ichthyologists in the history of science have been women, and yet some little guy in his first (and hopefully last) month working in a mall fish store can convince himself women know nothing about fish.
The less you know, the more you think you know.
 

Katie13

Member
Thankfully, I don't have to deal with sexism in the hobby. Since my local Pet Supplies Plus changed management a few months back, they're my main source of fish. I have two women that catch and bag my fish. The same people also go to the counter to checkout the fish/plants they caught/bagged for me. I guess living in a rural area makes a difference. Fishing and hunting are still activities in which sexist comments are sadly still common, but it's not bad here.
 

Jocelyn Adelman

Member
MattS99 check out absolutely fish in Clifton... completely age and sex judgement free!
 

SegiDream

Member
I just wanted to get back on topic since I somewhat skipped it. My impression is that I haven't encountered any sexism whatsoever so far in the hobby. It really seems to be well mixed and the peeps I have encountered so far are happy to share a common interest. But then, I don't really pay it much mind nor have I ever. I am what I am and if there's something I want to learn or do or experience well ultimately that's up to me and no one else to decide. Like I know how and am able to change oil on a car, the tires, the brakes, fuses, the blower, and with a bit of luck the radiator. Does it mean I want to prove myself a mechanic? No it just means I'm not afraid to get dirty to figure something out and also not afraid to ask for help or a LOT of questions. Maybe it was the way I was raised but I was brought up to think if I want something done, then more often than not I have to be the one to make it happen. Dig a hole, plow a field, drive a tractor, ride a horse, wrestle a pig (now that's a trip I'm telling you), stick a worm on a hook, shovel poo, catch critters, shoot a gun, build a table, pick the garden, plaster a hole, stop a leak, fix the lawn mower. I don't do anything to impress anyone or prove anything to anyone other than to myself and especially to my kids that if there's something they want/need to do they CAN do it. Society's opinion on that stuff, has had no significant impact on me and maybe I'm weird but I have a hard time understanding what the issue is sometimes. Society has definitely come a long way and if there's something you want to do you can do it regardless of old stereotypes. Nobody can hold you back but yourself. If someone thinks less of you in whatever way just because you are female or are otherwise different, then it is their loss plain and simple.
 

chromedome52

Member
I have never judged anyone's knowledge of anything by their sex, and I try to find out what a young person knows so I have an idea at what level to have a discussion with them. The trick is to always start out by listening, this is where most guys fail. Maybe one of the reasons is that I've known some of the greatest female ichthyologists and fish breeders, so I know that intelligence and knowledge are not sex-oriented. And I have met some very smart young people (the most recent happens to be female).

As far as being called weird, I always take that as a compliment. Normal is boring.
 

MattS99

Member
Jocelyn Adelman said:
MattS99 check out absolutely fish in Clifton... completely age and sex judgement free!
I'd love to, but kinda far for me. Don't wanna make my dad drive too far out of his way. If I pass my driving test next week, I'll be there right away lol. I miss the Pett Shanty. Spent hours in there as a kid
 

AngelTheGypsy

Member
Lchi87 I’d chalk it up to a guy being intimidated by a beautiful woman! Not a good excuse, but they make plenty of tv shows and movies about guys that have no brains in the presence of women.
 

wyldkingdom

Member
Lchi87 said:
Last weekend, I visited a LFS I normally don't go to and while the establishment itself was amazing and clean/well-kept, the interaction with one of the staff members left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I was really excited to be going as I had heard great things about the place so my SO and I made the trip on Saturday. I spent a lot of time walking up and down the aisles, geeking out in particular over their selection of tanganyikan cichlids and plants and was trying to make eye contact with a nearby staff member hoping for some assistance. Eventually he came over and I expressed my love for cichlids and gushed over their plant selection and started asking questions about care requirements for x plant etc etc. First thing he said to me was "Hmph, you normally don't see girls in here talking about fish, its the opposite usually. "

Okay......

He then directs me toward a set of tanks with glofish skirts and brightly colored guppies and said something like " all the girls love these kind of fish, so colorful and easy to care for!" And then went to go talk fish with my SO, who was walking around on his own, probably overwhelmed lol.

Anyway, my SO turned down this guy's attempt at a conversation because "Sir, it's really her you should talk to, this is her thing. "

So he comes back over to me and I'm hanging out by the plants again and he jokingly pulls out an anubias nana petite and suggests that I stick it behind my ear "like a pretty flower." Ugh.

At that point, I was getting a bit fed up with all the girly references so I asked him to bag up my plant and I checked out and left.

Anyway, it wasn't the worst experience but I was a little sad that I wasn't taken more seriously and was being pushed to look at certain fish because "that's what girls like". I have nothing against skirt tetras and guppies but I am cichlid lover through and through.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to look like I take this hobby seriously but honestly, I shouldn't have to because it's not their place to judge me.
Good grief!! No I have never experienced that! At least not to that extent. The worse I got was when I went to a new fish store (to me anyway) and the owners were a couple so I didn't feel any sexism but the wife was running around like crazy, so she didn't have any time for a customer. Her husband spent a few minutes with me and answered my questions but then some "regulars" came in and I never did get his attention again. Which was fine because they didn't have anything I wanted anyway. Never have been back. I am fortunate that I have a wonderful Aquarium store that I go to. It's family run and they're awesome!
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
AngelTheGypsy said:
Lchi87 I’d chalk it up to a guy being intimidated by a beautiful woman! Not a good excuse, but they make plenty of tv shows and movies about guys that have no brains in the presence of women.
Hahaha Angel you're making me blush!
 

NightShade

Member
2211Nighthawk said:
Oh oh. You got me started. First things first, I'm a 21 year old single female with a production welding job and a honking big car I'm repairing in my garage. I deal with this kind of stuff almost every time I open my mouth about one or the other, especially my car. It's an old one, not one of those muscle cars. It sat for a long time so things have worn out. I googled the heck out of stuff because this is my car, I want to know about it. And I learnt. I ain't no expert, but I know (in theroy) how to adjust the carb, change put spark plugs, hear the timing glitch and basic stuff like that. One garage I used to go to did a lot of work for my dad and has done repairs on my day-car. Twice now, he's messed with my older car without my permission. I told him the first time it sounded like a timing issue, you could hear the slight skip, but he said it was the carb, adjusted it, and I promptly coulden't get it started the next day. Turns out I was right. The second time, I told him when it was on the lift to disconnect the battery otherwise it runs dry. I came back to discove he'd put a 70$ switch under the hood so that I could "safely and correctly" disconnect the battery. (Constantly removing it from the battery will wreck the terminals over time) that was the final straw because I never asked him to do it, and if he had told me what he was going to do, I would have told him to put it where I wanted it.

The new guy I went to last time actually talked to me like I knew what I was doing. I couldent believe the difference in conversation styles of telling me stuff vs talking with me about stuff. I will continue to bring my car to him.

Welding it's the same thing. One guy (that thankfully dosen't work here anymore) used to crack "go make me a sandwich" jokes ALL the blessed time.

You just learn to brush it off or come with with a smart aleck comeback. Once I proved I was a good welder, they laid off. Some people are just morons and there's nothing you can do about it. If possible, come back and blast him with all your knowledge.
2211Nighthawk said:
WOW! Now THATS a moth!! How big is that sucker?? I remember camping and the BEST part was going to the outhouses at night to see what kind of bugs were by the lights. There was a huge moth, maybe 5-6" across or so. Oh was I ever called weird by other people. I take it as a compliment now. Dang right I'm weird and BOY am I proud of it! I love the looks I get cruising in my '79 Lincoln because you don't see girls driving something like that and it's sheer size! I love welding and being good at it, my grandpa always tells his business parners about "the welder in the family". They're surprised but my grandpa is so proud of me, I couldent give a rip. I have Aspergers and anxiety is brutal on me. For the longest time I tried to fit in until I was diagnosed and it's like, Hey! This is me! Take it or leave it! I'll crawl around in the ground chasing oil leaks, the dog, snakes, and NOT freak out over a wood tick. I am one of a kind (or so we all hope) and quite frankly, I coulden't care less if I'm the only girl. Sure there's a bit of a proving ground to pass but once I do, they're awsome friends.
I've never really experienced sexism in this hobby... or my orchid hobby. BUT as a woman like 2211Nighthawk, I love cars, & like to be knowledgeable about them (& many other things), how to adjust carbs, change the oil, knowing how to start up my grandfathers 1954 & 1953 chevy half ton work trucks - how to use the choke & throttle to start them up, listen to the sound & know when to adjust the carburetor.. drive a stick shift... etc. I know WAY more about cars than my boyfriend does (which he readily *& happily/proudly* admits it!).

My grandfather/grandmother/mom/dad - not my paternal grandparents unfortunately, they believed that I (girls > ladies > women) should talk only when talked to, wear pink, skirts, makeup, not play sports.. etc. Lol... take a guess what I didn't do? (I DID stay covered in mud as a kid - does that count as makeup?) - they raised me to believe that I could do anything, even if it was something "only boys do".. I loved it.

I was the only girl out of all my cousins/brother (+ his friends, who were then, & still are, my brothers all 10 of 'em ). Lol... I don't know how to be a "girl" ie - a "girlie girl" that is, but I am still proud to be a woman! I am who I am, wouldn't change it. Lol, I can't use a curling iron to save my life! I didn't wear a dress from the time I was 5, to around 25. And only learned to actually wear makeup, *& put it on* (haha) by the time I was 28.

I'm a jeweler/metal worker... I have soo many tools, & I love working with a blowtorch, & that I'm a woman who works with a blowtorch (like I'm sure Nighthawk is! ). I'll also give the average "man" a run for his money when it comes to a tool collection. Even "regular" use "around the house" tools. (My boyfriend's family is in construction (as was my Papa Linn), so he's a good DiY'er, which comes in handy with our new (old) house, so he also has tons of tools. Tool heaven around here lol! I❤ every minute of it!

I will say tho, I was surprised that my local airgas company (acetylene tank filler), was actually not sexist! ALL mechanics are around here... no exaggeration necessary... I get so mad at the way they treat me. Like I don't know what an off timing belt sounds like!! Or when an alternator is on the fritz, or when one of my spark plugs is out... anyways, could go on & on.. lol... (surprising right? With the length of my post!) I let it roll off my shoulder, & try to get over my social anxiety, & make sure they know that I KNOW what I'm talking about. But like Nighthawk, they'll ignore my knowledge - b/c I'm a woman, & I pay for some repair I didn't need, & STILL have the same problem!! (Sadly, with my Rhuematoid Arthritis, I can't always easily do something for my truck myself, like I used to.)

I also LOVE LOVE LOVE (can't get enough of) the smell of motor oil, gasoline, sawdust... mmm... my grandfathers workshop smelled like that - had one of his chevys parked in there too) lol.... I'm weird, & darn proud of it!!

I love this story - while on this subject, I just had to tell it. Always do. My Papa Linn (maternal grandfather), when I was a teen, & got my ears pierced, & when I was changing earrings, I dropped it down the drain. First time I did it - he comes over, w/ his tools etc, & gets me to watch & learn. 2nd time - he hands me his tools, & watches me do it. 3rd time - he bought me my own wrench, & bucket (to take apart the "P" trap drain, (need a bucket to catch water), & retrieve my earring), left me upstairs & then he went downstairs, had a cup of coffee w/ my mom, & let me do it on my own. I still have my beloved wrench, 20 years later. ❤ (My Papa Linn is (actually, all four grandparents are) gone now, & I treasure it (wrench & the story) that much more.

Sorry for the novel. ops: Lol... just had to share all of this, given the subject! Very impressed if you read all of this! Pat yourself on the back
 

California L33

Member
Lchi87 said:
First thing he said to me was "Hmph, you normally don't see girls in here talking about fish, its the opposite usually. "
Want to make him uncomfortable? Just say, "Wow, did you really think I'm a girl? It's the first time I've been able to pass."
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
California L33 said:
Want to make him uncomfortable? Just say, "Wow, did you really think I'm a girl? It's the first time I've been able to pass."
You made me snort at my desk, oh my goodness lol!! SO tempted to try that line the next time someone decides my gender matters.
 

WTFish?

Member
How do you have time to be on here when you’re supposed to be making me a sandwich and changing diapers?!

Obviously I’m kidding people are quite arses sometimes.
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
NightShade said:
I've never really experienced sexism in this hobby... or my orchid hobby. BUT as a woman like 2211Nighthawk, I love cars, & like to be knowledgeable about them (& many other things), how to adjust carbs, change the oil, knowing how to start up my grandfathers 1954 & 1953 chevy half ton work trucks - how to use the choke & throttle to start them up, listen to the sound & know when to adjust the carburetor.. drive a stick shift... etc. I know WAY more about cars than my boyfriend does (which he readily *& happily/proudly* admits it!).

My grandfather/grandmother/mom/dad - not my paternal grandparents unfortunately, they believed that I (girls > ladies > women) should talk only when talked to, wear pink, skirts, makeup, not play sports.. etc. Lol... take a guess what I didn't do? (I DID stay covered in mud as a kid - does that count as makeup?) - they raised me to believe that I could do anything, even if it was something "only boys do".. I loved it.

I was the only girl out of all my cousins/brother (+ his friends, who were then, & still are, my brothers all 10 of 'em ). Lol... I don't know how to be a "girl" ie - a "girlie girl" that is, but I am still proud to be a woman! I am who I am, wouldn't change it. Lol, I can't use a curling iron to save my life! I didn't wear a dress from the time I was 5, to around 25. And only learned to actually wear makeup, *& put it on* (haha) by the time I was 28.

I'm a jeweler/metal worker... I have soo many tools, & I love working with a blowtorch, & that I'm a woman who works with a blowtorch (like I'm sure Nighthawk is! ). I'll also give the average "man" a run for his money when it comes to a tool collection. Even "regular" use "around the house" tools. (My boyfriend's family is in construction (as was my Papa Linn), so he's a good DiY'er, which comes in handy with our new (old) house, so he also has tons of tools. Tool heaven around here lol! I❤ every minute of it!

I will say tho, I was surprised that my local airgas company (acetylene tank filler), was actually not sexist! ALL mechanics are around here... no exaggeration necessary... I get so mad at the way they treat me. Like I don't know what an off timing belt sounds like!! Or when an alternator is on the fritz, or when one of my spark plugs is out... anyways, could go on & on.. lol... (surprising right? With the length of my post!) I let it roll off my shoulder, & try to get over my social anxiety, & make sure they know that I KNOW what I'm talking about. But like Nighthawk, they'll ignore my knowledge - b/c I'm a woman, & I pay for some repair I didn't need, & STILL have the same problem!! (Sadly, with my Rhuematoid Arthritis, I can't always easily do something for my truck myself, like I used to.)

I also LOVE LOVE LOVE (can't get enough of) the smell of motor oil, gasoline, sawdust... mmm... my grandfathers workshop smelled like that - had one of his chevys parked in there too) lol.... I'm weird, & darn proud of it!!

I love this story - while on this subject, I just had to tell it. Always do. My Papa Linn (maternal grandfather), when I was a teen, & got my ears pierced, & when I was changing earrings, I dropped it down the drain. First time I did it - he comes over, w/ his tools etc, & gets me to watch & learn. 2nd time - he hands me his tools, & watches me do it. 3rd time - he bought me my own wrench, & bucket (to take apart the "P" trap drain, (need a bucket to catch water), & retrieve my earring), left me upstairs & then he went downstairs, had a cup of coffee w/ my mom, & let me do it on my own. I still have my beloved wrench, 20 years later. ❤ (My Papa Linn is (actually, all four grandparents are) gone now, & I treasure it (wrench & the story) that much more.

Sorry for the novel. ops: Lol... just had to share all of this, given the subject! Very impressed if you read all of this! Pat yourself on the back
Dude, can we meet up? North Carolina isn't *too* far away from Manitoba.

Lchi87 said:
You make me snort at my desk, oh my goodness lol!! SO tempted to try that line the next time someone decides my gender matters.
California L33 said:
Want to make him uncomfortable? Just say, "Wow, did you really think I'm a girl? It's the first time I've been able to pass."
Oh sucker that is HULARIOUS! My sister, brilliant but some days I wonder, had a guy chassing her for a while. She got so sick and tired of him trying to ask her out she finaly told him she was lesbian. WOW did he back off fast. My family died with laughter when she finaly told us. The joke is, now he's after me!
 

Aquaphobia

Member
NightShade I love all those smells too! Chainsaw exhaust with sawdust is my favourite. Mmm if only they made an aftershave lotion with that scent...

As for dropping earrings down the sink, if I'd been your grandpa the next time you did it I'd have bought you a drain plug
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
"SemI Truck Stop" man if only you could bottle that smell. diesel, exhaust, greasy food, best ever.
 

vikingkirken

Member
Jocelyn Adelman said:
MattS99 check out absolutely fish in Clifton... completely age and sex judgement free!
I don't know... I had a female employee there tell me matter-of-factly that sajicas were South American (after I asked about Central American cichlids "like sajicas"), and wouldn't do well in 74-75 degree water--and looked at me like an idiot when I asked "are you sure..." Then got visibly annoyed when I went looking for another employee (who happened to be a guy) for a second opinion. If only I had double-checked at home before my trip, I could have avoided the awkward moment! But I gotta say, I find sometimes women are more sexist to other women, and more sensitive to anyone questioning them, than the guys! This one certainly seemed to have a big chip on her shoulder! I've never had that happen with a guy. Usually I get a pleasant "wow, you know your fish, don't you?" and everything is great.
 

david1978

Member
I love taking my daughters with me to petco. I will be sorting threw the baby bettas and they will be looking at the males. Someone working there usually comes up and starts to talk to them about bettas. My older daughter is usually like don't talk to me. Lol. The younger one she will start telling the employee everything wrong that just came out of their mouth. I try my best to keep my laughter to myself. Btw they are 18 and 16.
 

Hill Dweller

Member
Ugh Lchi87 that guy was a ..... (mods would delete even the politer words of choice).

I'm very lucky so far that the fellows who run both my preferred LFSs are very respectful and helpful. But I expect any sane business person to respect my spending money as much as the next person's.

I do notice a lot more men working and shopping in both the stores, and it's harder to come across good female youtubers compared to the number of males. It's hard to say what drives that, but it's a dynamic in many hobbies and industries.

Take video gaming. Every bit of research shows female gamers are around half of the consumers of the medium, but the perception remains that "it's for boys". It's a shame and as per some of the previous posts, we have wonderful scientists and some true pioneers in the field and it's a shame some elements prefer to be ignorant about their work and contributions to the hobby

Definitely tell the owner, because as a business owner he will appreciate knowing that guy is potentially costing him sales
 

Dawn Michele

Member
Sorr to hear that happened to you.
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
I think what also bothered me was I actually WASN'T the only female in the store at the time, yet I was the only female being spoken to that way.... there was a woman in her early 50s/late 40s there too and he had an entire conversation with her that had nothing to do with "what girls liked"...
 

vikingkirken

Member
AngelTheGypsy said:
Lchi87 I’d chalk it up to a guy being intimidated by a beautiful woman! Not a good excuse, but they make plenty of tv shows and movies about guys that have no brains in the presence of women.
Lchi87 said:
I think what also bothered me was I actually WASN'T the only female in the store at the time, yet I was the only female being spoken to that way.... there was a woman in her early 50s/late 40s there too and he had an entire conversation with her that had nothing to do with "what girls liked"...
Those two things... Put two and two together. Pretty girl vs older woman, his reasoning sense went out the window with you. He was flirting in an insanely-socially-awkward way. Have some pity on the poor guy
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
vikingkirken said:
Those two things... Put two and two together. Pretty girl vs older woman, his reasoning sense went out the window with you. He was flirting in an insanely-socially-awkward way. Have some pity on the poor guy
Haha! Aw you made me laugh.
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
vikingkirken said:
Those two things... Put two and two together. Pretty girl vs older woman, his reasoning sense went out the window with you. He was flirting in an insanely-socially-awkward way. Have some pity on the poor guy
LOL Should I go back and give him another shot? He might not like me anymore if he finds out I'm not some prissy little girl!!ummy1:

I very well may end up going back, there was an ozelot sword mother plant that I was eyeing..
 

NightShade

Member
Aquaphobia said:
NightShade I love all those smells too! Chainsaw exhaust with sawdust is my favourite. Mmm if only they made an aftershave lotion with that scent...

As for dropping earrings down the sink, if I'd been your grandpa the next time you did it I'd have bought you a drain plug
2211Nighthawk said:
"SemI Truck Stop" man if only you could bottle that smell. diesel, exhaust, greasy food, best ever.
❤[LOVE] ❤

****!! Omg, y'all made my BF look at me like I was crazy (which, come to think of it.... that does happen anyways.. lol! He's ok with it though )

Aquaphobia, yup!!! My boyfriend juuussst cut down a holly TREE (they're supposed to be shrubs... but apparently the man who lived here before us didn't know that!) the other day! Lol!!

YES!!! If they bottled it into aftershave... ****... wow... that's all I'll say. lol

2211Nighthawk, we can totally meet up if you're ever this way!! That gave me a good laugh lol!!!

Also... all the employees at my petsmart (in fish section) are women... never seen a man back there. I haven't asked questions, just b/c I've overheard too much bad advice. Petsmart is the only place I have around here to get fish supplies from... otherwise, I only order online. Just get Prime, TSS if need be, certain foods.. etc. only time I got fish from them, (other than Bettas & Mystery Snails), they died. (Didn't have the necessary meds at the store to treat, so the danios were gone by the time I realized that (they used to carry those meds), & then ordered the necessary meds).

vikingkirken, I couldn't agree more!!! Lol, I pity him! Haha... although I should pity me too if I pity him, b/c I'm socially awkward lol
 

vikingkirken

Member
Lchi87 said:
LOL Should I go back and give him another shot? He might not like me anymore if he finds out I'm not some prissy little girl!!ummy1:

I very well may end up going back, there was an ozelot sword mother plant that I was eyeing..
If my ozelot sword would hurry up and send out baby plants, I could trade you for another EBA!
 

Aquaphobia

Member
vikingkirken said:
Those two things... Put two and two together. Pretty girl vs older woman, his reasoning sense went out the window with you. He was flirting in an insanely-socially-awkward way. Have some pity on the poor guy
Haha nope! I wouldn't. But I'm a big meanie
 

goldface

Member
vikingkirken said:
Those two things... Put two and two together. Pretty girl vs older woman, his reasoning sense went out the window with you. He was flirting in an insanely-socially-awkward way. Have some pity on the poor guy
Haha, that's what I was thinking too.
Lchi87 said:
he jokingly pulls out an anubias nana petite and suggests that I stick it behind my ear "like a pretty flower."
He's so betta
 

tunafax

Member
The thing is, I'm every stereotype of the stories here. I like pink gravel and pink plastic plants... and to be brutally honest my Betta and goldfish knowledge is on pont, but I don't go out of those 2 categories. What's a cichlid.

I get this kind dumb blonde girl treatment pretty much everywhere, not just lfs.

Still. Whenever that happens, I get salty, especally when it happens with dudes my age (which is 27). So I have some lines for this, here's a combination of all of them:

"Oh pink Betta!! Thanks for the tip!! Are u here with ur dad, is that him over there? (point at random customer) I was just talking to him, he's so knowledge. Anyway, have u seen any employees around here?"
 

Atomicfish

Member
Fish keeping is a hobby for all ages and genders. There is nothing that says one gender or another. I how ever am a almost 40 year old male and have never experienced this issue and I have been in the hobby off and on starting as a kid.
 

tunafax

Member
Atomicfish probably because you are a male, and the OP's complaint is about a female perspective.
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
I have to say I do find the whole thing interesting. While I would say fish keeping in general is very much either gender, I can see some fish being more "masculine". Oscars, flowerhorns, the big cichlids could all be more masculine while the smaller pretty fish are more feminine looking, and even personality. Males tend to be big and loud, in your face kinda temperament while females are more mellow, quiet. If listening to the stereotype of course. In fish keeping I've never had this issue (see my other long rant...) but I do find it very interesting/amusing.
 

jpm995

Member
I'm probably showing my age here [68] but being in the hobby since the late '50's I have to say i've never encountered women really into the hobby personally. I know of no one with a big [125 or up]tank. I know there's many female members on here that are expert level keepers. This is not an excuse for the way you were treated, the worker was just an idiot. Hopefully you don't encounter this in other shops.
 

Natalya

Member
jpm995 said:
I'm probably showing my age here [68] but being in the hobby since the late '50's I have to say i've never encountered women really into the hobby personally. I know of no one with a big [125 or up]tank. I know there's many female members on here that are expert level keepers. This is not an excuse for the way you were treated, the worker was just an idiot. Hopefully you don't encounter this in other shops.
I kind of think there are women on here with large tanks, but I do not understand why the tank size would be the indication of being "really into" the hobby?
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
Natalya said:
I kind of think there are women on here with large tanks, but I do not understand why the tank size would be the indication of being "really into" the hobby?
I think it takes a heck of a lot more dedication running a big tank (125+) vs a 20g. If you're insane enough to have a tank that size, your dedicated. Same thing if you have 20 tanks, even if they are small, or some insane aquascape. Not saying people with a single 20 gallon ain't dedicated, but a big tanks takes a lot more dedication I think. Think of the water bills if anything else. At least that's how I see it.
 

jpm995

Member
Natalya said:
I kind of think there are women on here with large tanks, but I do not understand why the tank size would be the indication of being "really into" the hobby?
Theres usually a progression fish addicts go through. You start with a 10 gal, get bored and keep going up in size. A 55 used to be the standard large tank but nowadays a 125/150 is the standard big tank. Usually somebody who's been in the hobby a while has gone through this.
 

Natalya

Member
2211Nighthawk said:
I think it takes a heck of a lot more dedication running a big tank (125+) vs a 20g. If you're insane enough to have a tank that size, your dedicated. Same thing if you have 20 tanks, even if they are small, or some insane aquascape. Not saying people with a single 20 gallon ain't dedicated, but a big tanks takes a lot more dedication I think. Think of the water bills if anything else. At least that's how I see it.
I do not know, I think a really small tank is much harder to maintain then a really big one
 

NavigatorBlack

Member
That progession can reverse with experience - people get 120s and unload them for several smaller tanks in many many cases. I have been doing this for a while, and am considering selling all the 75s and the 120. Interests change.
I see no masculine or feminine fish interests. I have noticed a lot more women in the advanced livebearer hobby, and in the wild Betta scene. But as a large male, I like tiny fish. It could be that I'm not manly. I'm sure if I had to walk my fish, I wouldn't want to be seen with microrasbora on the leash...but they'd look better than Oscars would in my tanks.
 

Natalya

Member
NavigatorBlack said:
That progession can reverse with experience - people get 120s and unload them for several smaller tanks in many many cases. I have been doing this for a while, and am considering selling all the 75s and the 120. Interests change.
I see no masculine or feminine fish interests. I have noticed a lot more women in the advanced livebearer hobby, and in the wild Betta scene. But as a large male, I like tiny fish. It could be that I'm not manly. I'm sure if I had to walk my fish, I wouldn't want to be seen with microrasbora on the leash...but they'd look better than Oscars would in my tanks.
Microrasbora on a leash...you're killing me hahah ha
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
2211Nighthawk said:
I think it takes a heck of a lot more dedication running a big tank (125+) vs a 20g. If you're insane enough to have a tank that size, your dedicated. Same thing if you have 20 tanks, even if they are small, or some insane aquascape. Not saying people with a single 20 gallon ain't dedicated, but a big tanks takes a lot more dedication I think. Think of the water bills if anything else. At least that's how I see it.
I actually disagree to some degree. While large tanks surely take true dedication, that's not to say that someone with a smaller volume tank is not truly dedicated either. Some people, like myself, would love to have tanks upwards of 100 gallons but are not able to at the moment due to various reasons, financial constraints, space/time constraints etc. Everyone's situation is unique. Some people might just prefer smaller tanks! None of my tanks are near 100 gallons but I'd like to think I'm pretty darn dedicated!
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
Natalya said:
I do not know, I think a really small tank is much harder to maintain then a really big one
Ok, very true, but aside from water parameters. The cost of running a big tank, how long water changes take, big fish tend to be aggressive so dealing with that, that kinda stuff. But yes, bigger tanks are more stable. I think it's an arch. Small tanks are hard, medium tanks are "easy" then big tanks it's time and money.

Lchi87 said:
I actually disagree to some degree. While large tanks surely take true dedication, that's not to say that someone with a smaller volume tank is not truly dedicated either. Some people, like myself, would love to have tanks upwards of 100 gallons but are not able to at the moment due to various reasons, financial constraints, space/time constraints etc. Everyone's situation is unique. None of my tanks are near 100 gallons but I'd like to think I'm pretty darn dedicated!
I meant no offence. I'm sure you are and I hope I can say I'm dedicated as well. But there's just funny levels in everything I think. What defines "dedication" is different to eveyone.
 

Quiche

Member
This hobby is a really accepting hobby, in my opinion- then again, my only experience with it is Fishlore! The female to male ratio seems pretty equal around here, and there's aquarists of all ages, from teenagers to seniors. All the people I've met at fish stores have been nice to me, but then again, it's their job lol
 

Aquaphobia

Member
Natalya said:
Microrasbora on a leash...you're killing me hahah ha
Yeah, that brought to mind a Sprite commercial from the mid-80's with a scene involving a man peeking out of his door to make sure nobody was watching then setting off with a teacup chihuahua on a leash
 

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