Sexism In The Aquarium Hobby

Lchi87

Member
Last weekend, I visited a LFS I normally don't go to and while the establishment itself was amazing and clean/well-kept, the interaction with one of the staff members left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I was really excited to be going as I had heard great things about the place so my SO and I made the trip on Saturday. I spent a lot of time walking up and down the aisles, geeking out in particular over their selection of tanganyikan cichlids and plants and was trying to make eye contact with a nearby staff member hoping for some assistance. Eventually he came over and I expressed my love for cichlids and gushed over their plant selection and started asking questions about care requirements for x plant etc etc. First thing he said to me was "Hmph, you normally don't see girls in here talking about fish, its the opposite usually. "

Okay......

He then directs me toward a set of tanks with glofish skirts and brightly colored guppies and said something like " all the girls love these kind of fish, so colorful and easy to care for!" And then went to go talk fish with my SO, who was walking around on his own, probably overwhelmed lol.

Anyway, my SO turned down this guy's attempt at a conversation because "Sir, it's really her you should talk to, this is her thing. "

So he comes back over to me and I'm hanging out by the plants again and he jokingly pulls out an anubias nana petite and suggests that I stick it behind my ear "like a pretty flower." Ugh.

At that point, I was getting a bit fed up with all the girly references so I asked him to bag up my plant and I checked out and left.

Anyway, it wasn't the worst experience but I was a little sad that I wasn't taken more seriously and was being pushed to look at certain fish because "that's what girls like". I have nothing against skirt tetras and guppies but I am cichlid lover through and through.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to look like I take this hobby seriously but honestly, I shouldn't have to because it's not their place to judge me.
 

Bruxes and Bubbles

Member
Not personally. People usually remember me as 'the hissing cockroach girl' rather than 'the fish girl' as the hissers are a bit weirder to own to most people. The aquarium hobby is certainly not an all boys or an all girls club.


That owner sounds like a jerk. Sorry that happened to you.
 

Mike1995

Member
you live in NJ I see? Just for an idea, see if you can make a trip to Lancaster pa. Theres this fish store called That Fish Place. It has the biggest selection of fish you could ever imagine. And good service. Every community fish imaginable,bettas, new world cichlids, africans, saltwater, pond fish, coral, live rock, plants etc etc. It's the primary place I go to myself.
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
Oh oh. You got me started. First things first, I'm a 21 year old single female with a production welding job and a honking big car I'm repairing in my garage. I deal with this kind of stuff almost every time I open my mouth about one or the other, especially my car. It's an old one, not one of those muscle cars. It sat for a long time so things have worn out. I googled the heck out of stuff because this is my car, I want to know about it. And I learnt. I ain't no expert, but I know (in theroy) how to adjust the carb, change put spark plugs, hear the timing glitch and basic stuff like that. One garage I used to go to did a lot of work for my dad and has done repairs on my day-car. Twice now, he's messed with my older car without my permission. I told him the first time it sounded like a timing issue, you could hear the slight skip, but he said it was the carb, adjusted it, and I promptly coulden't get it started the next day. Turns out I was right. The second time, I told him when it was on the lift to disconnect the battery otherwise it runs dry. I came back to discove he'd put a 70$ switch under the hood so that I could "safely and correctly" disconnect the battery. (Constantly removing it from the battery will wreck the terminals over time) that was the final straw because I never asked him to do it, and if he had told me what he was going to do, I would have told him to put it where I wanted it.

The new guy I went to last time actually talked to me like I knew what I was doing. I couldent believe the difference in conversation styles of telling me stuff vs talking with me about stuff. I will continue to bring my car to him.

Welding it's the same thing. One guy (that thankfully dosen't work here anymore) used to crack "go make me a sandwich" jokes ALL the blessed time.

You just learn to brush it off or come with with a smart aleck comeback. Once I proved I was a good welder, they laid off. Some people are just morons and there's nothing you can do about it. If possible, come back and blast him with all your knowledge.
 

Natalya

Member
That's just one very misguided person, I don't think there is anything gender-specific about this hobby at all.
 

Nart

Member
That's terrible Lchi...
Honestly, sounds like that guy is a little weird to begin with and probably didn't have any social skills especially with females. So you probably made his day walking into his store lol.

I haven't had that exact similar experience, but this other LFS I visited before, one of the workers there had this big ego thing going. I told them about how my gold ocellatus chases after my finger and when it bit and attacked me it actually hurt (for a fish). He jumps in "oh yeah? trying being bitten by a 6 foot python.. now that hurts" I stared at him, did my 'slow blink' and continued talking as if he never spoke. D-bag stood there probably wanting to fist bump himself.

Any who, what you should've done was start blurting out the scientific names of the fishes he pointed out to you. And that anubias do not make great plants out of water as they need to be submersed.
You should start carrying water test kits and busted that out and started testing the parameters and say... "hmmm your pH appears to be a little off, I think with a little more ventilation you can improve the health of all your fishes. Also, do you guys happen to carry any black pearl rays? I have been trying to get my hands on one, but can't find a fish store that ever stocks 'em"

I'm irritated for you... but just brush it off and keep doin' you!
 

Mrsoctober

Member
I've never experienced that, then again my LFS is small and the owner works there himself. He has said that his wife is very much in to fish keeping as well. I've never owned a glow fish or guppies lol I didn't know that was a thing woman do?
I bought my angelfish there and they were bought locally from a lady who breeds them.
 

Natalya

Member
I am a scientist and a mother. I don't learn about certain things because I believe in specialization and I certainly do not have time to learn everything about everything. One thing I never bothered to learn about is cars, I have a new Honda, it runs well, Ill leave it to the experts to know how to change oil. That does not mean that if I found myself without any qualified help, I would not be able to figure out how to do it. I have no problem to tell a person at the shop that I do not know how to pop my hood. I mean, how much worse can it get? Yet I never get any kind of "girls" attitude Probably my demeanor is really too scary for that
 

Aquaphobia

Member
Lchi87 said:
Last weekend, I visited a LFS I normally don't go to and while the establishment itself was amazing and clean/well-kept, the interaction with one of the staff members left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I was really excited to be going as I had heard great things about the place so my SO and I made the trip on Saturday. I spent a lot of time walking up and down the aisles, geeking out in particular over their selection of tanganyikan cichlids and plants and was trying to make eye contact with a nearby staff member hoping for some assistance. Eventually he came over and I expressed my love for cichlids and gushed over their plant selection and started asking questions about care requirements for x plant etc etc. First thing he said to me was "Hmph, you normally don't see girls in here talking about fish, its the opposite usually. "

Okay......

He then directs me toward a set of tanks with glofish skirts and brightly colored guppies and said something like " all the girls love these kind of fish, so colorful and easy to care for!" And then went to go talk fish with my SO, who was walking around on his own, probably overwhelmed lol.

Anyway, my SO turned down this guy's attempt at a conversation because "Sir, it's really her you should talk to, this is her thing. "

So he comes back over to me and I'm hanging out by the plants again and he jokingly pulls out an anubias nana petite and suggests that I stick it behind my ear "like a pretty flower." Ugh.

At that point, I was getting a bit fed up with all the girly references so I asked him to bag up my plant and I checked out and left.

Anyway, it wasn't the worst experience but I was a little sad that I wasn't taken more seriously and was being pushed to look at certain fish because "that's what girls like". I have nothing against skirt tetras and guppies but I am cichlid lover through and through.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to look like I take this hobby seriously but honestly, I shouldn't have to because it's not their place to judge me.
Wow. That is really bad! Worse even than my experience trying to buy my first computer.

Quite frankly I would contact the management of this particular store because it may be an issue with only this particular employee.
 

Cadillac15

Member
I haven't witnessed it a ton overall, but my Sister in Law also keeps aquariums and works at a pet shop. Her and I went to a local fish specific place in the area recently, and the owner went on and on to me about how he's a biologist for the city yada yada yada. Barely said anything to my SIL and from what I hear, that isn't uncommon with him.

I think (rather I hope) that it is a less common thing overall, but I have seen it.
 

Culprit

Member
I'm so sorry Lchi, that sounds horrible! Its not just sexism as well, age also makes a huge difference. When I go into a fish store I will of course geek out over my future fish and check out all the plants. When I try to get an employee they start talking to my mom... She's aways like, This is his thing not mine. So they will start picking out the fish, plants, ect. When I ask them if I can get a different plant or fish because the one they picked doesn't look very good they just look at me like, really? Its so annoying! So what I've started doing is when asking for stuff I just use their scientific name and then when they're like what is that I start pointing it out. Generally by the time i'm finished they respect me a bit more.
 

TexasDomer

Member
Yes, definitely experienced it. I go to 6-7 LFS around Houston and Austin, and I've experienced it quite a few times. It's usually older men being inappropriate and over-explaining things. Usually a curt glance and some insightful/show-that-I-know-what-I'm-doing questions turn them around and things are appropriate and pleasant afterwards.

As a female scientist, I've encountered it many more times at work or conferences. Don't even get me started there...
 

Natalya

Member
TexasDomer said:
Yes, definitely experienced it. I go to 6-7 LFS around Houston and Austin, and I've experienced it quite a few times. It's usually older men being inappropriate and over-explaining things. Usually a curt glance and some insightful/show-that-I-know-what-I'm-doing questions turn them around and things are appropriate and pleasant afterwards.

As a female scientist, I've encountered it many more times at work or conferences. Don't even get me started there...
Really? I actually worked in the south of US once for a while, that was the only time I encountered it, but it was generally coming from a very insecure person, so I put it down for that, rather than being geographical
 

Aquaphobia

Member
Ah yes, the new internet term for that I've learned is "man-splaining". I've fortunately not encountered it so much here.
 

TexasDomer

Member
I'm not saying it's a geographical thing. I've encountered it many places. I was just giving more specifics.
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
I figured everyone here would be in agreement that this is definitely not a gender specific hobby lol. It just irritated me that he kept trying to show me certain fish based on what he thought girls would like despite my obvious interest in other things. Mrsoctober Guppies and skirts aren't female specific fish either but I guess in his mind, that's what girls like. Goes back to the old "blue is a boy color, pink is girl color" conversation.

And, I shouldn't have to "prove" my knowledge either to be taken seriously. Nart, I did like your anubias comment lol.

Demeanor may have something to do with it Natalya lol I'm petite and look young for my age (still get carded for booze and I'll be 30 next month) and get overly excited and full of emotion in any fish store. A breathtaking group of geophagus brought me to tears once lol.

Anyway, thanks for everyone's support. Just had to vent.
 

ChrisX

Member
Lchi87 said:
So he comes back over to me and I'm hanging out by the plants again and he jokingly pulls out an anubias nana petite and suggests that I stick it behind my ear "like a pretty flower." Ugh.
That's horrible. His first line *might* have been complimentary, but the rest descended into chaos.
 

Natalya

Member
TexasDomer said:
I'm not saying it's a geographical thing. I've encountered it many places. I was just giving more specifics.
no, you did not say it at al. I was just pondering because I was told by somebody that people in the south tend to be more like that, and I had an experience seemingly confirming his point of view, but, like I said, I decided it was coming more because of insecurities than cultural differences.
 

DoubleDutch

Member
Sorry to hear Lchi.
But isn't this an issue in more hobbies and professions? Heared a story about a girl that wanted to buy a new car and was showed one of the smaller types of the brand. She bought one of the bigger ones of another brand.
 

fissh

Member
If he knew what girls liked, he might be dangerous!! I don't think we don't have to worry about that happening soon!!! As a owner of a LFS for many years I would recommend that you contact the owner and tell your story. You'll be doing him or her a favor. What a rude dude!!!
 

Aquaphobia

Member
Makes me think of this:
 

ChrisX

Member
Lchi87 said:
Demeanor may have something to do with it Natalya lol I'm petite and look young for my age (still get carded for booze and I'll be 30 next month) and get overly excited and full of emotion in any fish store. A breathtaking group of geophagus brought me to tears once lol.
He was a jerk, but learn from it and figure out how to grab control of a situation like that before it goes wrong.

A trick I have learned is to understand that a lot of people have "foot in the mouth disease". Many times people say something that is offensive (when they don't mean to be), or sometimes they are in a bad mood and act offensively, (when in better times they would behave better.) The rest of the time they actually mean to be offensive, likely to get a reaction out of you, to bully, intimidate, etc.

In all cases, don't respond negatively, control your body language, and just keep going on with the conversation as if nothing happend (or smile like it was a joke). Redirect to what you want to talk about. If they act as if they don't hear you, just pretend they didn't hear you and ask again.
 

Natalya

Member
DoubleDutch said:
Sorry to hear Lchi.
But isn't this an issue in more hobbies and professions? Heared a story about a girl that wanted to buy a new car and was showed one of the smaller types of the brand. She bought one of the bigger ones of another brand.
oh I'm sure car salesmen here would try to sell the biggest most expensive models to anybody man woman or child lol
 

DoubleDutch

Member
Natalya said:
oh I'm sure car salesmen here would try to sell the biggest most expensive models to anybody man woman or child lol
Hahaha.
 

fishychachki

Member
I actually once experienced the opposite with a store and I never return there since then lol. As a guy walking into their store, the first thing this guy directed me into was the huge aggressive, often predatory fish like oscars, arowanas, snakeheads (legal to keep here) because they're the "macho fish". I just politely smiled and walked into their nano fish section, picked up some colorful guppies and kinda subconsciously dropped a remark about how cute their pea puffers were. The guy looked at me a little funny when I paid.

I think if I am forced to return to that store and get very similar treatment, I wouldn't be able to hold back and say stuff like "is my money too nano/girly for you?"

Oh and I love bigger fish, even the mean predators. I just don't plan on keeping them right now (and especially not planning to keep them so that I have fish whose traits supposedly correspond to my gender). I think at some point of my fishkeeping journey I will gladly be persuaded into keeping some large predators though. It's certainly funny how people associate certain groups of people (by their skin-deep characteristics, especially) with certain groups of fish.
 

Fashooga

Member
You should have embarrassed him in front of others. Say something like "Can I talk to a sales person that isn't a sexist and will listen to me!?"

Or "Is there somebody else I could talk to and not a ding-bag?"

It gets your point across and embarrasses the guy...
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
I agree DoubleDutch , this happens with other professions and hobbies too! I'm fortunate that my workplace doesn't pull any of this funny business with me.

fissh I plan on emailing the place when I'm less heated for sure!

ChrisX I did maintain my composure throughout the experience and was polite till the very end. I'm not one to lash out usually and I deeply appreciated the fact that their fish and tanks were in good health so they've earned my respect in that sense. If I return though and get the same treatment, I'll be sure to (nicely) give them a piece of my mind!
 

OnTheFly

Member
Sorry it happened to you. I admit I do see a lot of 12 years old girls gathered around the Glofish, but the salesman should have possessed the good sense to know that isn't who he was talking to that day. But overall I think this hobby is extremely welcoming to females. I know who I get more than half of my good advice from on this forum That said, I participate in a lot of male dominated hobbies where females really have to fight to be respected. Fortunately several of them found a path to the top based on their abilities and perceptions are slowly changing. (Flyfishing and Drag Racing). I convinced my daughter to learn to fly fish and she is always the only female on the streams we fly fish.

Anyway, I don't think you will run into much of a problem in the fish keeping hobby. I wouldn't concern myself much with the occasionally idiot.
 

Donnerjay

Member
Girls' money spends the same as boys' money.
 

grantm91

Member
This is the most dual sex hobby I can think of, its the hobby that I see the biggest even balance of the sex's taking part in, I found your story amusing Lchi87 the guy sounds a bit special, but if I were you id have probably called the him on it and told him its not a good idea to talk like that in a friendly way, customer service is a risky business he could have got a fist down his throat off of some women for acting like that. Your probably more knowledgeable on fish and plants than he is too lol.
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
grantm91 said:
This is the most dual sex hobby I can think of, its the hobby that I see the biggest even balance of the sex's taking part in, I found your story amusing Lchi87 the guy sounds a bit special, but if I were you id have probably called the him on it and told him its not a good idea to talk like that in a friendly way, customer service is a risky business he could have got a fist down his throat off of some women for acting like that. Your probably more knowledgeable on fish and plants than he is too lol.
Maybe it was his tone that bothered me.... you know how you coo and baby-babble at pets and cute kids? That's probably extreme compared to my situation but he wasn't speaking to me like an intelligent adult female. It was more like he was speaking to a child seeing fish for the first time. Like " oooooh look at all pretty fishies! Look at them swimming all together!!"
I'm sure he's got the knowledge and know-how but his customer service could definitely use some work lol.
 

clk89

Member
Growing up I have gotten a lot of comments about me liking bugs, and reptiles not just the fluffy animals. My daughters are the same way and get comments on that too. I sometimes get surprised looks at the fact that I own a lizard, and then comments at my daughters who also like and touch (gasp) the lizard. The comments are specifically about how girls aren't suppose to like lizards that girls think they are gross. I have found a lot of older men are especially surprised that my oldest daughter knows the fish I keep in my tanks. They usually make comments like "Oh all little girls love the glowfish" when my oldest tells them she doesn't and her favorite fish is KuhlI loaches because they look like snakes. My oldest and I do hear a lot about how my diamond tetras as so appropriate because "all girls love diamonds." That being said I have found more then one young man, and several women of all ages who are perfectly fine with it and my oldest can talk for hours with them.
 

KaderTheAnt

Member
I've experienced something similar.

As some of you know, I breed bettas. I'm the "fish nerd" or the "betta geek". Well one day, my friend came over. Apparently he was completely unaware of the hobbies I do. (Build bird houses, create vivariums/terrariums, and breed bettas)

Well anyways, the first thing he does when he walks into my room is note how neat it is (OCD prevents anything I own to be messy) He then goes to comment how "you must have your sisters clean your room" implying that 15 year old guys can't have clean rooms. I just laughed and shrugged it off. He made a few more jokes of the same nature, but I just ignored them. That is until he noticed my wall of the male bettas I've spent 4 hard months raising.

"Dude, those are those fighting fish, right?" I replied with a yes because, well, technically they are "those fighting fish" but what he really said got to me.

"We should put them together" I stated at him for a solid minute. My reply was , in these exact words, "why would ANY human with common sense put fish that kill each other together?" His reply was because he wanted to see them fight to the death. We went on an argument on how cruel and stupid this was. His final reply made me flip my lid. "Stop being such a girl, they're just fish."

I don't know how many curse words could have possibly came out of my mouth like they did. All in all, he ended up leaving 3 days earlier than what he planned.
 

FlutterFish

Member
I don't see sexism as much, but I do see some ageism...

I've had a staff member go over and start talking tanks with my dad, who just kind of gaped at him, sweating nervously because he had no idea what the staff member was talking about. So he pointed to me, and the man said :

"Oh? Does she want some pink fish? We have some pink gravel, a lot of girls her age seem to like that... but I really wouldn't trust her with an aquarium. Girls her age aren't really responsible."

Yeesh.
 
  • Thread Starter

Lchi87

Member
KaderTheAnt said:
I've experienced something similar.

As some of you know, I breed bettas. I'm the "fish nerd" or the "betta geek". Well one day, my friend came over. Apparently he was completely unaware of the hobbies I do. (Build bird houses, create vivariums/terrariums, and breed bettas)

Well anyways, the first thing he does when he walks into my room is note how neat it is (OCD prevents anything I own to be messy) He then goes to comment how "you must have your sisters clean your room" implying that 15 year old guys can't have clean rooms. I just laughed and shrugged it off. He made a few more jokes of the same nature, but I just ignored them. That is until he noticed my wall of the male bettas I've spent 4 hard months raising.

"Dude, those are those fighting fish, right?" I replied with a yes because, well, technically they are "those fighting fish" but what he really said got to me.

"We should put them together" I stated at him for a solid minute. My reply was , in these exact words, "why would ANY human with common sense put fish that kill each other together?" His reply was because he wanted to see them fight to the death. We went on an argument on how cruel and stupid this was. His final reply made me flip my lid. "Stop being such a girl, they're just fish."

I don't know how many curse words could have possibly came out of my mouth like they did. All in all, he ended up leaving 3 days earlier than what he planned.
Ugh that story makes me so angry for you. You deserve better friends than that. His final comment has me gritting my teeth.

FlutterFish said:
I don't see sexism as much, but I do see some ageism...

I've had a staff member go over and start talking tanks with my dad, who just kind of gaped at him, sweating nervously because he had no idea what the staff member was talking about. So he pointed to me, and the man said :

"Oh? Does she want some pink fish? We have some pink gravel, a lot of girls her age seem to like that... but I really wouldn't trust her with an aquarium. Girls her age aren't really responsible."

Yeesh.
Yes, ageism too!

Pink is my favorite color but that is irrelevant to my fish husbandry, so I would like to think...
 

-Mak-

Member
Being that I order most of my stuff online, I haven't encountered anything like this, thankfully.
One thing I must remark on is that, though fishkeeping in general seems nearly equal in numbers of men to women (though I think men stay in the hobby longer), aquascaping and especially professional aquascaping is extremely male dominated. The IAPLC (a sort of annual international aquascaping competition) contestants and winners that I've seen are all men, most aquascaping youtube channels and instagram profiles are run by men, and even on aquascaping forums, mostly men. Not that this is sexist, far from it as I've seen people wondering where the women are in the hobby, but just an interesting thing to note. It may be because it takes longer to become truly good at aquascaping (especially for those who place in the IAPLC), and women have not been interested in aquascaping for that as long as men have. Or some other reason I'm not seeing yet

FlutterFish said:
I don't see sexism as much, but I do see some ageism...

I've had a staff member go over and start talking tanks with my dad, who just kind of gaped at him, sweating nervously because he had no idea what the staff member was talking about. So he pointed to me, and the man said :

"Oh? Does she want some pink fish? We have some pink gravel, a lot of girls her age seem to like that... but I really wouldn't trust her with an aquarium. Girls her age aren't really responsible."

Yeesh.
"Girls her age aren't really responsible" seems plenty sexist to me as well as ageist :hungover:
 

MattS99

Member
Which LFS in NJ was it, if you feel like sharing? I'm from NJ too and I've seen something go down like that a few times at a certain LFS. Ageism towards me too.
 

Paradise fish

Member
2211Nighthawk said:
Oh oh. You got me started. First things first, I'm a 21 year old single female with a production welding job and a honking big car I'm repairing in my garage. I deal with this kind of stuff almost every time I open my mouth about one or the other, especially my car. It's an old one, not one of those muscle cars. It sat for a long time so things have worn out. I googled the heck out of stuff because this is my car, I want to know about it. And I learnt. I ain't no expert, but I know (in theroy) how to adjust the carb, change put spark plugs, hear the timing glitch and basic stuff like that. One garage I used to go to did a lot of work for my dad and has done repairs on my day-car. Twice now, he's messed with my older car without my permission. I told him the first time it sounded like a timing issue, you could hear the slight skip, but he said it was the carb, adjusted it, and I promptly coulden't get it started the next day. Turns out I was right. The second time, I told him when it was on the lift to disconnect the battery otherwise it runs dry. I came back to discove he'd put a 70$ switch under the hood so that I could "safely and correctly" disconnect the battery. (Constantly removing it from the battery will wreck the terminals over time) that was the final straw because I never asked him to do it, and if he had told me what he was going to do, I would have told him to put it where I wanted it.

The new guy I went to last time actually talked to me like I knew what I was doing. I couldent believe the difference in conversation styles of telling me stuff vs talking with me about stuff. I will continue to bring my car to him.

Welding it's the same thing. One guy (that thankfully dosen't work here anymore) used to crack "go make me a sandwich" jokes ALL the blessed time.

You just learn to brush it off or come with with a smart aleck comeback. Once I proved I was a good welder, they laid off. Some people are just morons and there's nothing you can do about it. If possible, come back and blast him with all your knowledge.
More of a man than me. My other interests are style, fashion, health, dance, and nutrition.
 

Culprit

Member
As a guy I've never really experienced sexism in the hobby but every time I go into a new fish store I get agesI'm so bad. They start talking to my mom, ect. Once I've gone a few times and they realize I know my stuff they start talking to me and acknowledging me.

I play multiple sports, but I also geek out over fish but especially aquascaping (in fact I'm going to be majoring in marine biology), have a hamster, keep terrariums, and play the piano. This world is very skewed and set in its stereotypes.
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
More of a man than me. My other interests are style, fashion, health, dance, and nutrition.
That's what we joke. always have loved getting down and dirty. not a heck of a lot about me is truely "feminine" except for physical looks. The odd time I do like to dress up but even then I have to confront my sister so that she can approve I'm appropriate to go out in public. she's the fashion expert in my family.
 

FlutterFish

Member
Don't get me wrong, pink is an awesome color. But it really isn't my favorite... and -Mak- you're right, it's kind of more sexist if you think about it... ugh.
 

Paradise fish

Member
2211Nighthawk said:
That's what we joke. always have loved getting down and dirty. not a heck of a lot about me is truely "feminine" except for physical looks. The odd time I do like to dress up but even then I have to confront my sister so that she can approve I'm appropriate to go out in public. she's the fashion expert in my family.
There's always one that is, isn't there? :'D
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
There's always one that is, isn't there? :'D
Hey, she manages to make ME look good and my neck is dang near permanently stained grey from work.
 

MattS99

Member
Culprit said:
As a guy I've never really experienced sexism in the hobby but every time I go into a new fish store I get agesI'm so bad. They start talking to my mom, ect. Once I've gone a few times and they realize I know my stuff they start talking to me and acknowledging me.

I play multiple sports, but I also geek out over fish but especially aquascaping (in fact I'm going to be majoring in marine biology), have a hamster, keep terrariums, and play the piano. This world is very skewed and set in its stereotypes.
I know exactly how you feel. If I go to a new LFS they try to talk to my dad before me lol. 17 but don't have my license yet. I'm always directed towards like, mbunas or EBAs when I want like, platies or something.
 

NavigatorBlack

Member
Ignorant guys are a dime a dozen. You should hear what they say when women aren't present.
Well, what some have said. They don't continue to my face once I'm done with them. They just wait and talk behind my back. Still, I am a great believer in challenging the **** when I hear it. It may not be directed at me, except it is because we're all human.
It isn't a hobby thing - racism, sexism, age discrimination - they are in the hobby as they are in the entire society. I can talk, as I'm not on the receiving end as a big male. But man, we have a long way to go. Don't let them grind you down.
 

Bruxes and Bubbles

Member
KaderTheAnt said:
I've experienced something similar.

As some of you know, I breed bettas. I'm the "fish nerd" or the "betta geek". Well one day, my friend came over. Apparently he was completely unaware of the hobbies I do. (Build bird houses, create vivariums/terrariums, and breed bettas)

Well anyways, the first thing he does when he walks into my room is note how neat it is (OCD prevents anything I own to be messy) He then goes to comment how "you must have your sisters clean your room" implying that 15 year old guys can't have clean rooms. I just laughed and shrugged it off. He made a few more jokes of the same nature, but I just ignored them. That is until he noticed my wall of the male bettas I've spent 4 hard months raising.

"Dude, those are those fighting fish, right?" I replied with a yes because, well, technically they are "those fighting fish" but what he really said got to me.

"We should put them together" I stated at him for a solid minute. My reply was , in these exact words, "why would ANY human with common sense put fish that kill each other together?" His reply was because he wanted to see them fight to the death. We went on an argument on how cruel and stupid this was. His final reply made me flip my lid. "Stop being such a girl, they're just fish."

I don't know how many curse words could have possibly came out of my mouth like they did. All in all, he ended up leaving 3 days earlier than what he planned.


I hate it when people say things like that! Tell him this girl would have some words of her own to say if someone suggested doing that to her fish! And I don't even curse! The nerve of some people!



I will say one thing that does really annoy me with people in general - if you love an animal that is anything other than a dog, cat, or some other societally defined 'cute' animal, you are apparently very strange to the outside world. Yes, I loved my rats. Yes, I love my boa and my gecko and my roaches and my fish. They are my pets. And while some I may be more connected to than others, just because it's not always fuzzy or, in the rat's case, not tailless, does not mean you cannot have a relationship with it or that it is not an intelligent animal with its own personality and quirks. And even if it is totally instinctual...I still love it because I get to see the wonder of nature in my own room.


Worst was when I was showing off a picture of a moth that I found (that moth was seriously awesome; like a beautifully designed little alien) and I got the comment that I was something to the effect of 'the weirdest person they knew'. Lovely. Thanks a lot for that. My anxiety was spiked up that day, so that stung more than it usually does.
Sorry, I needed to vent. My little sister loves my animal stuff, so I'm very thankful for her. I just wish people would stop making comments. I don't mind jokes, but personal insults sting sometimes.

But seriously, this moth was just perfect...it even had a tiny claw at the bottom of each foot to hold onto things, and the little antenna would move to the side rhythmically like little satellites. It even has eyespots to confuse predators - each eyespot had a shiny black spot that mimicked a pupil. It was beautiful. If feeling amazement at having the privilege to see this gorgeous animal up close makes me the weirdest person, so be it.



Sorry, that was long. I needed to vent.
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
Bruxes and Bubbles said:
I hate it when people say things like that! Tell him this girl would have some words of her own to say if someone suggested doing that to her fish! And I don't even curse! The nerve of some people!



I will say one thing that does really annoy me with people in general - if you love an animal that is anything other than a dog, cat, or some other societally defined 'cute' animal, you are apparently very strange to the outside world. Yes, I loved my rats. Yes, I love my boa and my gecko and my roaches and my fish. They are my pets. And while some I may be more connected to than others, just because it's not always fuzzy or, in the rat's case, not tailless, does not mean you cannot have a relationship with it or that it is not an intelligent animal with its own minI personality and quirks. And even if it is totally instinctual...I still love it because I get to see the wonder of nature in my own room.


Worst was when I was showing off a picture of a moth that I found (that moth was seriously awesome; like a beautifully designed little alien) and I got the comment that I was something to the effect of 'the weirdest person they knew'. Lovely. Thanks a lot for that. My anxiety was spiked up that day, so that stung more than it usually does.
Sorry, I needed to vent. My little sister loves my animal stuff, so I'm very thankful for her. I just wish people would stop making comments. I don't mind jokes, but personal insults sting sometimes.

But seriously, this moth was just perfect...it even had a tiny claw at the bottom of each foot to hold onto things, and the little antenna would move to the side rhythmically like little satellites. It even has eyespots to confuse predators - each eyespot had a shiny black spot that mimicked a pupil. It was beautiful.


Sorry, that was long. I needed to vent.
WOW! Now THATS a moth!! How big is that sucker?? I remember camping and the BEST part was going to the outhouses at night to see what kind of bugs were by the lights. There was a huge moth, maybe 5-6" across or so. Oh was I ever called weird by other people. I take it as a compliment now. Dang right I'm weird and BOY am I proud of it! I love the looks I get cruising in my '79 Lincoln because you don't see girls driving something like that and it's sheer size! I love welding and being good at it, my grandpa always tells his business parners about "the welder in the family". They're surprised but my grandpa is so proud of me, I couldent give a rip. I have Aspergers and anxiety is brutal on me. For the longest time I tried to fit in until I was diagnosed and it's like, Hey! This is me! Take it or leave it! I'll crawl around in the ground chasing oil leaks, the dog, snakes, and NOT freak out over a wood tick. I am one of a kind (or so we all hope) and quite frankly, I coulden't care less if I'm the only girl. Sure there's a bit of a proving ground to pass but once I do, they're awsome friends.
 

Jocelyn Adelman

Member
Not a bug kinda gal, but that moth is beautiful, truly!
No issues with mice, snakes, lizards, etc... but no bugs....

At times I have wished I kept things other then guppies to get rid of the stereotype (yes, I've experienced it in nj in a few different stores). Happily now the one I frequent will often bring customers over by me for back up... lol... love when they are trying to explain filtration (usually nitrate issues) or ferts, but the customer just doesn't get it.... I'm the back up... interesting reaction some of the male customers have....

I agree though it's pretty much a male dominated hobby, publicly at least. Everyone who comes to my home always assumes my hubby is the fish nut... poor guy doesn't even know what types of fish they are, or how to do a water change lol.

All in due time, girls... soon it will be us posting the videos!

(Also curious to where the store is located... will be sure to skip it next time!
 

Bruxes and Bubbles

Member
2211Nighthawk said:
WOW! Now THATS a moth!! How big is that sucker?? I remember camping and the BEST part was going to the outhouses at night to see what kind of bugs were by the lights. There was a huge moth, maybe 5-6" across or so. Oh was I ever called weird by other people. I take it as a compliment now. Dang right I'm weird and BOY am I proud of it! I love the looks I get cruising in my '79 Lincoln because you don't see girls driving something like that and it's sheer size! I love welding and being good at it, my grandpa always tells his business parners about "the welder in the family". They're surprised but my grandpa is so proud of me, I couldent give a rip. I have Aspergers and anxiety is brutal on me. For the longest time I tried to fit in until I was diagnosed and it's like, Hey! This is me! Take it or leave it! I'll crawl around in the ground chasing oil leaks, the dog, snakes, and NOT freak out over a wood tick. I am one of a kind (or so we all hope) and quite frankly, I coulden't care less if I'm the only girl. Sure there's a bit of a proving ground to pass but once I do, they're awsome friends.
A little less than 6 inches in wingspan. Did you ever ID the one you saw?


You sound awesome.
 

2211Nighthawk

Member
Bruxes and Bubbles said:
A little less than 6 inches in wingspan. Did you ever ID the one you saw?


You sound awesome.
Nope. It was too long ago. Big and pale I remember that mucn. But that was years ago.

Aww, now I feel all fluffy. girl moment!! Hahaha!
 

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