Not Sound Like A **** While Telling People They Are Going To Kill Their Fish

We've all been there. The clueless friend/family member/person online who just doesn't understand the basic fact that they cannot and will not magically make their fish live in conditions unfit for their survival.

Fishkeeping sounds easy, it sounds like no big deal, just throw the fish in the water and feed it every once in a while and it will be fine, right?

Wrong.

SO many people don't understand that keeping fish is a science, they might as well be saying "just throw the plutonium in a missile and it will work fine, right?"

Also wrong.

But I don't have to explain that to you people, and that's why I like you, you know about the nitrogen cycle, how big of tanks fish need to feel comfortable, about shoal sizes and how to keep aquatic plants, about ich, fin rot, and bloat and all the diseases and how to cure them. I like you people, you get it, you are willing to learn the stuff that you don't. I'm not an absolute pro either but what bothers me the most is people who are unwilling to learn. People that are so confident in their nonexistent abilities that stumble blindly into the aquarium hobby without any knowledge and flat out refuse to look things up until they get to the inevitable Petco or Petsmart with fish already doomed for death and ask the high school worker who will likely act like they know everything as well.

Anyway, I think I've found out about the best way to approach people who are about to make huge investments and huge mistakes and end up hating fishkeeping forever because they don't know how to do it.

1. Use "I" verbs - people tend to be more receptive in my experience by saying "I would not personally put a rainbow shark in a 5 gallon fish Auchwitz to spend its final days in agony because I know you're not going to make sure it's properly cycled before adding fish"
2. Speak from experience, using a personal account to resonate with the person - anecdotes are sometimes the most effective way to teach because they are easy to remember, try something out like "When I was a dumb 7 year old before I had the internet and before I knew literally anything about fish beyond that they needed water I had a betta in a 1 gallon unfiltered and unheated bowl. I would not recommend that a 32 year old man with a job who could provide a nice life for a betta should opt for the "destined for death" option when he darn well knows better."
3. Try to turn a sad moment into a teachable moment when the person inevitably kills their fish - "Oh I'm so sorry about your rainbow shark, but maybe you can just move the betta in the little bowl into the 5 gallon tank and we can go out and buy a heater for it?

In general, when you are passionate about something and you see someone making serious mistakes that your knowledge can help them avoid, it is rather frustrating to see someone not listen to you, especially when those people are absolute beginners. True idiots are those that are unwilling to learn. Any other ways I can stop being an **** when my friend tells me that she is getting a 10 gallon fish tank and putting two comet goldfish in it? Or when my other friend starts a 20 gallon blood parrot tank? Both with zero intentions of upgrading?

 

What I do is a relatable comparison to tell people that they aren't keeping fish right. Like the comet goldfish could be like living in a closet all of your life with 2 sumo wrestlers that poop a lot.

 

Eh, take a chill pill? It's free .

Ok, serious talk. I got a friend who kept fish improperly. They were dying and the tank was stinky and cloudy. Still, I never felt the need to school him. I mind my own business and sometimes I take that belief to the extreme. This doesn't even show up on my radar.

 

This post was hilarious. You’re a good writer.

 

In diving there is a rule, the most experienced diver on the boat is the one who is responsible for everyone surfacing safely, no matter if it is the divemaster or not. I have the same principle with fishkeeping. My friends and my family come to me for advice on fishkeeping and I'm going to tell them the truth even if they don't like it because I feel a responsibility to save the fish and to make them have a successful experience keeping fish. It's not that I think I know everything or that I want to sound like a **** but it is because I'm passionate and I'm the most experienced diver on the boat.

 

Eh, take a chill pill? It's free .

Ok, serious talk. I got a friend who kept fish improperly. They were dying and the tank was stinky and cloudy. Still, I never felt the need to school him. I mind my own business and sometimes I take that belief to the extreme. This doesn't even show up on my radar.

I also mind my own business. But I speak up if I see helpless animals being mistreated. I would never intervene if I didn't like the colorful gravel or plastic decor. When it comes to well being of living beings, I see things differently. Nobody needs to have live animals, but if they do, they should treat them right.

 

I also don't care if your tank looks like a Dr. Seuss fever dream as long as you are providing good conditions for your fish.

 

I also don't care if your tank looks like a Dr. Seuss fever dream as long as you are providing good conditions for your fish.

Well, I have to bust the person's balls in that case. That and pink gravel.

 

Nobody needs to have live animals, but if they do, they should treat them right.

I agree, but I also see things differently.

 

My friends keep feeder goldfish in betta kits and they don't want to spend anymore

 

I always start out patient and gentle - but it doesn't always end the same way.
One was about 3 goldfish and 3 guppies in a 5 gallon tank.
The other was a male betta in a 1/2 gallon unfiltered unheated tank by a drafty window this winter in the Midwest. & he had finrot that was getting so close to his body.

Another scenario that had me crazy angry was a family that had 22 cats and 5 dogs. It was horrible.