"It's either me, or the fish"... fishkeepers, what does your SO / family / friends think of your hobby?

I recently got into this hobby over the summer, and within four months I'm up to eleven tanks, and I foresee a twelfth the next time I can find a good deal on craigslist for a 55 gallon or 75g. :B

My SO has a phobia of drowning, and additionally really dislikes the "soulless glares" of fish since early childhood. My fav bomb he dropped was saying he'd love to learn fishspeak, so he could tell my fish he hopes they die. He's says this, of course, with endearing dislike, we both manage to get a laugh out of it and I appreciate his transparency. I've been very fortunate he remains understanding and is able to be openly disgusted how much he loathes them, yet makes an effort to be tolerating. His line, reasonably and understandably, is when finances become an issue or other aspects of my life get neglected -- which I'm certainly capable of if I don't moderate and put up the horse blinders, haha.

My question to you folks is, how does your SO / family / friend think of your hobby? Supportive, hesitant, a waste of time, indifferent? I've run into two people in a row this past week in the hobby; one says her husband thinks is a waste of time and should flush her fish down the toilet, the others' boyfriend is more along the lines of my fellow in that he has a strong disdain but thinks lobsters are sorta cool.

Attached are some of my fishchildren. I'm raising guppies. :- )

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Mother thinks it is completely absurd I have 3 tanks.

 

Mother thinks it is completely absurd I have 3 tanks.

My mom remarks on how she'd love to eat them, particularly my shrimp and blue crayfish. :"D

 

We have one member that his mother in law did eat his shrimp.

 

My girlfriend/wife loves all my tanks (7). Super supportive. But that could have a lot to do with not living together (yet). She tells me if I was doing a lousy job and trust me she would tell me that it would be a waste but she and of course I am also very amazed at how far i've gotten and learned and accomplished in the past 2.5 years. But I still get the "BABE" line whenever I say I got a new "wetkid"

 

My SO doesn't like freshwater fish. But shes dieing for a saltwater tank. She makes all kinds of jokes if she had gills I'd pay attention to her more. But she tolerates it. She supports me being happy but she definitely gets annoyed. Her only rule right now is anymore tanks hasto be a saltwater for her. I only have 3. 2 youngest kids love the fish. They are going to be my BABE line in the future. Gf cannot say not to our son so I'll make him ask for tanks hahaha

 

My girlfriend/wife loves all my tanks (7). Super supportive. But that could have a lot to do with not living together (yet). She tells me if I was doing a lousy job and trust me she would tell me that it would be a waste but she and of course I am also very amazed at how far i've gotten and learned and accomplished in the past 2.5 years. But I still get the "BABE" line whenever I say I got a new "wetkid"

That is very sweet to hear. <3 And I'm also on a similar boat, as we have yet to move in together and I suspect once he sees the amount of gushing and time I take to do maintenance/water changes/being all meticulous with what plants go where.... we'll see how things will be tested. >:3

I'm hoping to get to a place I can make my tanks a little more self-sustaining with some blue sapphire shrimp and guppies I've been raising. I'd love that we could move into a place with a spare, that way I can keep the water demons out of sight and out of mind for his comfort, haha.

Thanks for sharing. :- )

 

I recently got into this hobby over the summer, and within four months I'm up to eleven tanks, and I foresee a twelfth the next time I can find a good deal on craigslist for a 55 gallon or 75g. :B

My SO has a phobia of drowning, and additionally really dislikes the "soulless glares" of fish since early childhood. My fav bomb he dropped was saying he'd love to learn fishspeak, so he could tell my fish he hopes they die. He's says this, of course, with endearing dislike, we both manage to get a laugh out of it and I appreciate his transparency. I've been very fortunate he remains understanding and is able to be openly disgusted how much he loathes them, yet makes an effort to be tolerating. His line, reasonably and understandably, is when finances become an issue or other aspects of my life get neglected -- which I'm certainly capable of if I don't moderate and put up the horse blinders, haha.

My question to you folks is, how does your SO / family / friend think of your hobby? Supportive, hesitant, a waste of time, indifferent? I've run into two people in a row this past week in the hobby; one says her husband thinks is a waste of time and should flush her fish down the toilet, the others' boyfriend is more along the lines of my fellow in that he has a strong disdain but thinks lobsters are sorta cool.

Attached are some of my fishchildren. I'm raising guppies. :- )

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Parents find it confusing how much money I spend on tanks. Sometimes they refuse to take me to the fish store.

 

40 years of marriage, and my Wife tells me when you go the fish go! I only have 4 tanks.
Trying to convince her to let me get a Harley again. I may get more tanks instead.

 

My SO doesn't like freshwater fish. But shes dieing for a saltwater tank. She makes all kinds of jokes if she had gills I'd pay attention to her more. But she tolerates it. She supports me being happy but she definitely gets annoyed. Her only rule right now is anymore tanks hasto be a saltwater for her. I only have 3. 2 youngest kids love the fish. They are going to be my BABE line in the future. Gf cannot say not to our son so I'll make him ask for tanks hahaha

Oh my goodness, hands down a father+son team to plea to mom for more fish would be the best fatherSon mission, haha. So sneaky! If my BF and I had children, I feel he'd absolutely jump on that wagon if there was something I was on the fence in. x'D

It's nice to hear she is understanding (albeit thru grit teeth the odd time, from the sounds of it -- my BF is the same if that's the only thing I keep talking about, bless his soul).

Thanks for sharin'. :- )

 

My husband is indifferent as long as I'm careful about how how much I spend.

 

Parents find it confusing how much money I spend on tanks. Sometimes they refuse to take me to the fish store.

Oh, my parents would absolutely do that as well if I was crazy about fish when I lived with them. They control the vehicles and I lived outside of town, so they had complete power where we could go. They did something similar with video games, every time I'd go to the electronics area eyeing a game I super wanted... that got old for them pretty fast. x' ]

Sorry that's the case, that sounds like it can be frustrating. When you're able to get your own place (and I know that can feel like a million years away sometimes), you'll have more freedom to manage how you'd like to handle your finances and support yourself/your happiness. It won't be like that forever.

 

Parents find it confusing how much money I spend on tanks. Sometimes they refuse to take me to the fish store.

Shhhh... don't talk about money.. if husband knew he'd want to spend the equivalent... don't go there pleeeze!

 

I'm a horse show girl, so the fact that my hubby who is NOT originally a horse guy was so accepting of them and has even begun showing with me makes the fish thing SO minimal in the grand scheme of things. Horses are SO much more expensive than fish. We both try to support each other in our hobbies (he's a hunter), and it hasn't created any issues yet. I wouldn't have married him if he wasn't supportive of me...horse showing is SO time and money intensive, that it wasn't worth my time to waste it on someone who wouldn't support me.

 

Oh, my parents would absolutely do that as well if I was crazy about fish when I lived with them. They control the vehicles and I lived outside of town, so they had complete power where we could go. They did something similar with video games, every time I'd go to the electronics area eyeing a game I super wanted... that got old for them pretty fast. x' ]

Sorry that's the case, that sounds like it can be frustrating. When you're able to get your own place (and I know that can feel like a million years away sometimes), you'll have more freedom to manage how you'd like to handle your finances and support yourself/your happiness. It won't be like that forever.

Thanks, my grandpa is into it, so I can have him come pick me up and take me there. I do look forward to when I have my own place. More room for fish tanks!

 

Most people are indifferent, a few think they're cool, but I also didn't get 11 tanks within 4 months either, so . . . perspectives, I imagine, are going to be a lot different.

 

With me, my husband knows, it's either fish in tanks in the house, or another horse in the stall-and flys, and vets, and farriers, and me gone riding all day...he's good with the fish lol!

 

Most of the remarks from family go something like this "Why do you change the water so much, don't you get tired of it?" or "Don't you ever feed them? (African cichlids splashing in the background)".

As far as money goes, I make and spend my own as well as take myself to the pet store when need be. Being an adult does have it's perks

 

We have one member that his mother in law did eat his shrimp.

I admit it my mother in law ate some of my RCS david1978 will never let me live it down. However in my mother in laws defense she is chinese and they do eat anything. Theres a chinese saying that translates to "they will eat every thing 4 legs escept a table and every thing with a back except a chair"

In all honesty its no different really from living on a far farm and slaughtering your own animals for food.

My wife is pretty indifferent to my fish most of the time. She likes looking at them but doesn't like the costs associated with it.

 

Lots of interesting comments here ^^
I'm single so I have no problems in this department, haha. I do everything low budget so my only real limit is space which.. has been reached I mean, I don't want to be up to my ears in tanks but I do have a rack in my living room. Hmmmm....

Basically

As far as money goes, I make and spend my own as well as take myself to the pet store when need be. Being an adult does have it's perks

Though indeed family members are surprised by the amount of work involved and that I'd be willing to do that (really, weekly water changes?!).

My family are all big uh.. nature-philes? Not sure how to put it, but as in, they all think animal and plant keeping is cool, they have interest in self-sustaining systems, etc. So even though none of them are into fish specifically, they do like to check out my tanks and - bless me - are actually positively impressed when I get things to work. Both my mom and my brother are really into botanics and invest a lot of time and effort into their large gardens, so they understand the sentiment really well.
My dad is the least interested in these things but he perks up whenever I tell him I'm breeding something, for some reason he does like that (the idea of creating something instead of just keeping it maybe?). Kind of like how he has only one or two plants in the yard he cares for a lot, but he does so with great effort (spending an hour every day for weeks watering them when we had a heat wave) and he really wants to propagate them, but lacks the knowledge to quite get it right.
My brother and his partner don't have any animals aside from their dog, though they would like to. They don't feel like dedicating so much of their time to taking care of a habitat, which you know, kudos to them for being responsible. My sister-in-law though about getting a betta for one of those decorative molded-around-a-piece-of-wood bowls. Both me and my brother talked her out of it.

Maybe it's something in the genes, I have a cousin that married someone who does taxidermy of birds for a living. It creeps the majority of people out but we all think it is cool and very impressive, I have a few that were done by him under glass domes. His kids knew more about birds when they were eight than the local gamekeeper, can recognise all native birds by call and so on. :3 So everyone has their interests, making it not so hard to relate.
(... at least I like her husband more than the boyfriend she had when I was young, he was into keep venomous spiders and snakes. They had a house of horrors with over twenty enclosures of those and kept naked rats in addition to the common furry ones they bred to feed their pets. To each their own )

Attached are some of my fishchildren. I'm raising guppies. :- )

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Just wanted to say that those are absolutely gorgeous pictures!

We have one member that his mother in law did eat his shrimp.

Wait what? o.o What kind of story lurks behind that phrase....?
Edit: I see this got answered.

My girlfriend/wife loves all my tanks (7). Super supportive. But that could have a lot to do with not living together (yet). She tells me if I was doing a lousy job and trust me she would tell me that it would be a waste but she and of course I am also very amazed at how far i've gotten and learned and accomplished in the past 2.5 years. But I still get the "BABE" line whenever I say I got a new "wetkid"

She has it easy going by this thread You should show it to her to convince her that you should have more tanks.

Parents find it confusing how much money I spend on tanks. Sometimes they refuse to take me to the fish store.

Sorry to hear that It's sad when parents don't support your hobby. Though I do hope you are getting by on (presumably) limited means!

 

She has it easy going by this thread You should show it to her to convince her that you should have more tanks.

Funny you say that. She gets all the alerts to my posts to our email as well so nothing is hidden

 

Funny you say that. She gets all the alerts to my posts to our email as well so nothing is hidden

I don't know, man; sounds like she's got trust issues . . .

I kid, I kid

 

I have 3. Two fish tanks are enough for me (other being a turtle tank). I'm at a point where I'm waiting for some of my fish to die, so I can get something else. My Ember Tetras are over 3-yrs-old. They still look strong. Once they're gone, I can get an Angelfish or two.

That sounds like a game plan. Kudos to you for having so much self-control (or limited space/funds ;P).

 

Lots of interesting comments here ^^
I'm single so I have no problems in this department, haha. I do everything low budget so my only real limit is space which.. has been reached I mean, I don't want to be up to my ears in tanks but I do have a rack in my living room. Hmmmm....

Haha, yeah! Glad its a relatable topic to pour into. Yours included ~ I remember the sweet days of being an ace. |"D

I try to do low budget as well, 80% of my tanks are all from craigslist. Scratches here and there, though it works. Where I do tend to be liberal is on good filters and heaters since I live in a cooler climate, oof. That burned a hole, haha.

I've basically surrendered ever having hanged clothes, my closet is full of 10 gallon tanks full of guppy fry. XD I've told my BF about it but I don't think he actually... gets it, until he sees for himself. Gonna give him a mild heart attack when he visits me this Christmas, I think. :B

 

My husband:
"I brought home a 10 gallon for our son and you've turned it into a million dollar investment."
(We have since added a 46g and 2 20 gallon plus the 10g)

Ive fished him out haha but hes supportive that ive found the hobby very therapeutic for my mental health. He will even do a water change or two if I get swamped with work. Though he does our budgeting, so hes a little annoyed at sudden fish expenses lol

 

Being single, I only have my brother/housemate to think about. He is downstairs and I am upstairs. He told me once that if there was a major fish tank accident and it went downstairs I would have some problems.
Then again he tells me about great tank deals on FB and other places (do you need another 55 gallon?) and takes me to my fish auction twice a year. That is where fish people hang and you don't get the wide eyed blank looks when you talk about your fish and tanks and even with my 15 tanks I am a small fry when dealing with "my people" . Many have dedicated fish rooms with 20+ tanks and way larger tanks, in my case most could easily fit in 2-3 of theirs.
My best friend can't understand why I would like so many eyes on me- I just laugh.
Others say my house sounds like a fountain running-either really tranquel or makes one want to pee.
My Mom likes to look at them, but if I digress to much into the fish lingo she taps out. LOL thou she does have a 10+ year old goldfish that she likes. She is my fish sitter when needed (everyone should have one)
It is limited space and time now that have stopped the influx of new tanks as it is now more a job then a hobby. Have to have willpower now not to discover a new fish or species that would look great in a tank.

 

I don't know, man; sounds like she's got trust issues . . .

I kid, I kid

Nope not at all like that. And I used to like you and your straigh forward answers hahahha just kidding.

 

I think "amused tolerance" best describes the attitude from my family. I did get an eye roll from my wife when I said something about a shrimp tank in the master bath.

 

Haha, yeah! Glad its a relatable topic to pour into. Yours included ~ I remember the sweet days of being an ace. |"D

I try to do low budget as well, 80% of my tanks are all from craigslist. Scratches here and there, though it works. Where I do tend to be liberal is on good filters and heaters since I live in a cooler climate, oof. That burned a hole, haha.

I've basically surrendered ever having hanged clothes, my closet is full of 10 gallon tanks full of guppy fry. XD I've told my BF about it but I don't think he actually... gets it, until he sees for himself. Gonna give him a mild heart attack when he visits me this Christmas, I think. :B

Gotta love that dedication!
I bought a lovely hardwood cabinet with glass doors in the summer and used it as a betta QT with only one heated tank and the rest just 1.5Gs that stayed a few degrees cooler stably, both during the heat wave that followed and later when autumn set in. Unfortunately had to abandon that because mold started growing and I like this cabinet a lot (it also supports a 12 and two 7 gallons on top) so now it is just a bookcase, save for two small coldwater tanks for coldwater fry on the left side. I think those will be moved out in due time.
But don't let them see that, I think that is where most people would draw the line, haha!

I managed to cheat the heater problem though! When I started out someone was selling a nondescript "bag of heaters" when breaking down their fish room. I travelled three hours to pick it up (cost only 7.50, pictures were blurry, I thought even if only one of them works it'll be worth it). Turned out they were excellent quality heaters, many older ones from expensive brands (like the old-style Eheim Jagers) ranging from 50 to 250 watt. With one exception they all worked, I think there were 12 in total or so. They still all work.
I got insanely lucky on that one.

 

I moved in with my girlfriend , now wife a couple decades ago with a 6 foot fresh water tank and 50 gallon reef tank .She should have known?
Fish have come and gone and she enjoys the big tank in the living room but not to the level of myself [ had a hard with her when I drilled the 4 inch hole in floor{ of our living room (our)} to put sump in basement ] ..She really loves the reef tank even in its worst state and is honestly the only reason I still have a reef ?
Now decades have passed and there is still a reef that I do very little for but runs pretty good .I thank God for that ..Not for the fish or me ,but how else could I get away with the other 59 tanks !
If it was not for my wife who still never feeds or helps with tanks I would have never gotten German Blue Rams ..She said she loved them ?
Her 27g hex tank from before I met her is still in the first fish attic ! What a horrible tank !
I often wonder where I would be with fish without her input . I am the ram guy ..Am I the ram guy ? She sure doesn't care !
She is less then thrilled .
I really haven't told her the breeding fish room monster that exist is because of her !
That probably would not help huh ?

 

I moved in with my girlfriend , now wife a couple decades ago with a 6 foot fresh water tank and 50 gallon reef tank .She should have known?
Fish have come and gone and she enjoys the big tank in the living room but not to the level of myself [ had a hard with her when I drilled the 4 inch hole in floor{ of our living room (our)} to put sump in basement ] ..She really loves the reef tank even in its worst state and is honestly the only reason I still have a reef ?
Now decades have passed and there is still a reef that I do very little for but runs pretty good .I thank God for that ..Not for the fish or me ,but how else could I get away with the other 59 tanks !
If it was not for my wife who still never feeds or helps with tanks I would have never gotten German Blue Rams ..She said she loved them ?
Her 27g hex tank from before I met her is still in the first fish attic !
I often wonder where I would be with fish without her input . I am the ram guy ..Am I the ram guy ? She sure doesn't care !
She is less then thrilled .
I really haven't told her the breeding fish room monster that exist is because of her !
That probably would not help huh ?

Great story!! We've all seen your fishroom and the big 180 but I don't ever recall seeing your reef tank. I knew you had one from saltwater thread replies and well just being here for a while. Would you care to share a pic of it?

 

My parents don't mind it but won't let me get anymore tanks until I get a car. My boyfriend gets mad every time I get new fish because he wants to move in together. But we don't even have cars so we can't really move out. He sometimes threatens to eat my fish. Like sushi. Ew. But he doesn't really care. Also my mom sees them swimming around and says they're hungry so I have to hide their food from her. Or else she will feed them lol my dad hates my snails. He hates snails in general.

 

The couple of posts about horses reminds me of when my wife and I were first married. She was a city girl moving to the country, and wanted a horse. So we got her a horse. It didn't work out. She loved horses, but when she was on the horse the horse was in charge. Those of you who are familiar with horses can imagine how that worked out.

So we got rid of the horse. Then she found a horse that had been ridden by special needs children. Surely she'd be okay with this one. Wrong. Then one Sunday afternoon she went to a flea market, and came home with a Samoyed puppy. I immediately said "No." She replied with "If you let me have this puppy I won't ask for another horse." So we had a new puppy.

 

The couple of posts about horses reminds me of when my wife and I were first married. She was a city girl moving to the country, and wanted a horse. So we got her a horse. It didn't work out. She loved horses, but when she was on the horse the horse was in charge. Those of you who are familiar with horses can imagine how that worked out.

So we got rid of the horse. Then she found a horse that had been ridden by special needs children. Surely she'd be okay with this one. Wrong. Then one Sunday afternoon she went to a flea market, and came home with a Samoyed puppy. I immediately said "No." She replied with "If you let me have this puppy I won't ask for another horse." So we had a new puppy.

Well if it's like that, she certainly can't complain about your fish!

Some people really like animals but just don't radiate the confidence/authority needed for the animals to take them seriously. Whoops.
Hope it worked out better with the dog!

 

11 'small' Betta tanks in great room with 38 gallon, 36 gallon; 20 gallon & 10 gallon in bedroom. I'm maxxed out.

Last 3+ years have been rough. Fish take me outside myself & give me focus. I can spend 10-20 minutes at a time just watching them and get lost in it.

My co-worker who used to have a 110 gallon saltwater tank called it 'building your own little world' and it is.

It's an enjoyable hobby that if I'm lucky I can enjoy for 20-30 years.

Family zone out in about 5 minutes if I speak about it. the only 1 who really gets it is my stepmom.

 

the only 1 who really gets it is my stepmom.

I understand. With me it's my daughter-in-law. No one else cares.

 

I get the impression that my in-laws think I'm a weirdo for having a growing number of tanks in my office but I don't care, it's an amazingly interesting and fun hobby that keeps me entertained and happy. That said if I was alone I probably would have a legit 10 or more tank fish room by now.

 

I admit it my mother in law ate some of my RCS david1978 will never let me live it down. However in my mother in laws defense she is chinese and they do eat anything. Theres a chinese saying that translates to "they will eat every thing 4 legs escept a table and every thing with a back except a chair"

In all honesty its no different really from living on a far farm and slaughtering your own animals for food.

My wife is pretty indifferent to my fish most of the time. She likes looking at them but doesn't like the costs associated with it.

I'm sorry but that was one of the funniest things ever on here.

 

I've been trying to get my SO more involved with my addiction. He usually picks out a few super colorful fish for my tanks but that's all he is interested in. He even joked about all I talk about is my fish tanks!

 

Have at max 3 tanks, 2 right now pre-move, but admittedly one of them is a 120 gallon so pretty large and involved. Wife is somewhat tolerant but mostly unhelpful with minor issues she could assist with. Biggest gripe is that to the extent she does get involved she makes terrible choices and always seems to want the thing that will destabilize the tank. Best example is she picked out a new critter to introduce to the tank and settled on BerdmorI loach. Very pretty and charismatic fish, but quickly ate several snails and consistently harasses everyone else at every level in the tank - very disruptive. Every time I ask her she wants to pick to worst community fish known to man. Frustrating.