120 Gallon Tank I'll miss you all!

I'll miss you guys when I'm away this weekend!!
I'm headed to Florida!!
Which would be great.....except for the fact I'm going to visit people who have ne respect for me, and are deeply rooted in their ways.
Every time I go, I come back feeling horrible about myself.....they don't like my cl0thes, hair, choice to have no religion, basically: me.
Oh well, I gotta deal, so I'll try to enjoy it, I guess. (And worst comes to worst, I just bring tons of homework and books and do extra work.
Leaving Saturday morning (6:00 am) and coming back late Monday.

 

Why would you go visit people who don't like you? Unless, of course, you're 12 and your parents are forcing you.

 

I'm guessing you have no choice or it's something serious? Who are they? If you don't mind my asking

 

Why would you go visit people who don't like you? Unless, of course, you're 12 and your parents are forcing you.

Yup, I'm a minor, and my parents are forcing me.

I'm guessing you have no choice or it's something serious? Who are they? If you don't mind my asking

Grandparents.
They are getting older and frail. However, they are just plain hurtful. I'm not going to get into the specifics, but boy it can sting!

 

oh yes, grandparents. I have one left and he is pretty laid back, thank god. However, I have uncles. Silently disapproving, distant and cold. And that's me being nice. To put it bluntly: That side of the family is so dysfunctional, its remarkable we're all still speaking. Or rather, speaking again. we will miss you too, and don't worry. We'll be here to undo the damage. You're a wonderful and special part of this little family.

 

Yup, I'm a minor, and my parents are forcing me.

Grandparents.
They are getting older and frail. However, they are just plain hurtful. I'm not going to get into the specifics, but boy it can sting!

Can't you explain that you respect their decisions and that you would like it if they respected yours? Sometimes people can be stuck in an older world.

 

That side of the family (these grandparents) is soooo just....oh god, IDK how to describe it....hard maybe? I kinda fear them, weird, I know.

 

who'll take care of your tanks? I guess it is only one weekend.

 

My grandparents only spoke French and my mother didn't understand the language, so during our weekly Sunday visits, she'd sit there politely and smile and nod her head as my grandparents were speaking to my Dad in French. Ends up, they were doing nothing but insulting her weight, clothes, hair, you name it. And my father never told her. It was only when I decided to learn to speak French, too, that I picked up on what was going on.

People can be mean. Sadly, you're not in a position to stand up for yourself. But remember this, their attitude is their problem, not yours. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, just stay calm and peaceful.

Of course, you can really throw them off their game by being overly happy to see them, hugging them and smiling a lot, no matter what they say or do. Ask them about your family history and their own grandparents. That'll shake them up a bit.

 

Can't you explain that you respect their decisions and that you would like it if they respected yours? Sometimes people can be stuck in an older world.

I wish.
Dad was all like ''You won't go see your dying grandparents?'' Fine, no more pets! (I need his cooperation on the 120, so I had no other choice.
So my understanding mom talked to him, because apparently he didn't know how they acted towards me (I guess you could call me ''the black sheep of that side''. I still have to go though.
It is mostly their religion (they're orthodox) and the stereotypes of the religion.

 

G.P., don't take this the wrong way, because it's possible that I also have relatives who disapprove of me...

...but many times, if parents or grandparents are acting that way about a minor's decisions, it tends to be motivated more by love and concern than "disrespect." You don't have to agree with their opinions, and you don't have to appreciate their opinions, but it might be worthwhile to give them a chance to explain WHY they feel that way.

Who knows, if both sides sit down and have an honest and civil conversation with each other, you might find that you have more in common than you realize.

Food for thought, I hope.

 

My grandparents only spoke French and my mother didn't understand the language, so during our weekly Sunday visits, she'd sit there politely and smile and nod her head as my grandparents were speaking to my Dad in French. Ends up, they were doing nothing but insulting her weight, clothes, hair, you name it. And my father never told her. It was only when I decided to learn to speak French, too, that I picked up on what was going on.

People can be mean. Sadly, you're not in a position to stand up for yourself. But remember this, their attitude is their problem, not yours. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, just stay calm and peaceful.

Of course, you can really throw them off their game by being overly happy to see them, hugging them and smiling a lot, no matter what they say or do. Ask them about your family history and their own grandparents. That'll shake them up a bit.

Oh, but no!!
They'd be overjoyed, and get out dusty books, and there I'd be sitting for 7 hours, listening to how real, good girls wear their hair. (I have it cut reeeallly short, and they call it a boy's cut and crew cut)
That's so crazy mean. But thanks for the advice. I'll just suck it up and smile. Maybe I'll tell them that the way I wear my hair is my choice. (That's what'd shake them!)

 

My grandparents only spoke French and my mother didn't understand the language, so during our weekly Sunday visits, she'd sit there politely and smile and nod her head as my grandparents were speaking to my Dad in French. Ends up, they were doing nothing but insulting her weight, clothes, hair, you name it. And my father never told her. It was only when I decided to learn to speak French, too, that I picked up on what was going on.

People can be mean. Sadly, you're not in a position to stand up for yourself. But remember this, their attitude is their problem, not yours. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, just stay calm and peaceful.

Of course, you can really throw them off their game by being overly happy to see them, hugging them and smiling a lot, no matter what they say or do. Ask them about your family history and their own grandparents. That'll shake them up a bit.

I guess everyone makes fun of others at one point or another, I think we just need to find the strength to not judge, there is always a reason behind actions but judging is just jumping to conclusions. Alot of times it is culture related and what may be disrespectiful to one can be perfectly fine for another.

 

G.P., don't take this the wrong way, because it's possible that I also have relatives who disapprove of me...
...but many times, if parents or grandparents are acting that way about a minor's decisions, it tends to be motivated more by love and concern than "disrespect." You don't have to agree with their opinions, and you don't have to appreciate their opinions, but it might be worthwhile to give them a chance to explain WHY they feel that way.
Who knows, if both sides sit down and have an honest and civil conversation with each other, you might find that you have more in common than you realize.
Food for thought, I hope.

Thanks aylad!
But knowing them, they'd just sit and think ''Oh how cute!''
or worse:
Disown me. (Not bad for me, but my dad would be rather disappointed don't you think. )
Families are difficult, huh?

 

Or maybe you can give them buzz cuts in the middle of the night......

 

I guess everyone makes fun of others at one point or another, I think we just need to find the strength to not judge, there is always a reason behind actions but judging is just jumping to conclusions. Alot of times it is culture related and what may be disrespectiful to one can be perfectly fine for another.

Action plan: I'll just suck it up and deal.
But if they make a comment negatively about me, I will give them a ''talking to!''
(Just like: This is the way I choose to wear my hair, Grandpa.) Sound good?

Or maybe you can give them buzz cuts in the middle of the night......

There's no hair to cut, LOL!
They like my sis and brother because they are stereotypical to their cuture.
I'm not their picture of a ''good girl''.

 

this is all making me insanely curious. How on earth do you have your hair cut?

Lucky for my sister and me neither of us is "stereotypical" by any means. So people never know what to expect from us. I once chopped all my hair off. The only person who had anything negative to say was my mom and dad. The rest of the family just kept quiet.

 

this is all making me insanely curious. How on earth do you have your hair cut?

Lucky for my sister and me neither of us is "stereotypical" by any means. So people never know what to expect from us. I once chopped all my hair off. The only person who had anything negative to say was my mom and dad. The rest of the family just kept quiet.

With scissors! How else would I?
(Don't worry, my mom, who's really great with hair did it, NOT me!! )

 

GP, here's what I can tell you. I've been on this forum for less than two months. (I looked it up to confirm; I joined on August 30th lol.) In that time, I can tell you through no direct interaction with you, I have come to respect and appreciate you. I see your posts in multiple threads. You are always respectful, cheerful and knowledgeable. (You were first easy to notice because of your Avatar...kinda like LyndaB's, who could miss it???)
So know this - at least in this forum you are not judged and greatly appreciated. It's not much, but I hope it helps!

 

GP, here's what I can tell you. I've been on this forum for less than two months. (I looked it up to confirm; I joined on August 30th lol.) In that time, I can tell you through no direct interaction with you, I have come to respect and appreciate you. I see your posts in multiple threads. You are always respectful, cheerful and knowledgeable. (You were first easy to notice because of your Avatar...kinda like LyndaB's, who could miss it???)
So know this - at least in this forum you are not judged and greatly appreciated. It's not much, but I hope it helps!

WOW!! Nicest thing I've heard in the past year!!!
You can thank Tofu for my avatar!!
But thanks so much-your post is like my new favorite post ever! THANKS!
(You should be a psychologist, as you know just the right thing to say!!!)

 

I miss ya already!!! Wait...is it Friday yet?

 

Ha ha!!
Nope, still Thursday!! And I'm still on! (Thank goodness!)

 

We'll miss you too! And ergh, I feel your pain. We are moving to live permanently in the same town as my husband's family, who are mostly nice people but also extremely devout baptists and horrifically bigoted/racist/sexist/everything under the sun. If they knew certain things about me they would disown my husband, no joke >.>

 

We'll miss you too! And ergh, I feel your pain. We are moving to live permanently in the same town as my husband's family, who are mostly nice people but also extremely devout baptists and horrifically bigoted/racist/sexist/everything under the sun. If they knew certain things about me they would disown my husband, no joke >.>

Uh, I feel you too!

If I stand up for myself as outlined above, my grandpa is going to fall off his wheelcahir!

 

I'm religious but I don't judge, I think discrimination is not good. I agree some people can be super judgemental and I don't think they're doing things right if they have to discriminate.

 

Try what I do nowadays...

When I am at some social gatherings or dealing with some unfriendly relatives - in all my responses I will nod and simply reply - "That's nice".
When I was younger, I would usually say "bugger off" or get into arguments. Now I smile and say "That's nice." Then just walk away.

What's the point in having awkward situations if you can't get some fun out of it. Remember - Fun is where you find it.

 

People can be mean. Sadly, you're not in a position to stand up for yourself. But remember this, their attitude is their problem, not yours. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, just stay calm and peaceful.

Of course, you can really throw them off their game by being overly happy to see them, hugging them and smiling a lot, no matter what they say or do. Ask them about your family history and their own grandparents. That'll shake them up a bit.

Agreed 100%.


Also, remember you have your Fish Lore family, and we adore you. Nuff said, K?

 

Try what I do nowadays...

When I am at some social gatherings or dealing with some unfriendly relatives - in all my responses I will nod and simply reply - "That's nice".
When I was younger, I would usually say "bugger off" or get into arguments. Now I smile and say "That's nice." Then just walk away.

What's the point in having awkward situations if you can't get some fun out of it. Remember - Fun is where you find it.

This is your best weapon against judgemental family LOL.

 

So sorry that you have to go spend time with unpleasant, judgemental relatives! I have to admit, I never see my relatives if I can help it, and I have *lots* of family. While my culture has some wonderful aspects (we're very affectionate physically and verbally), a major drawback is that you're always lower on the totem pole than someone else who is older, even if you reach 90! This is why it's great to be on Fishlore and meet cool kids like you

 

Where are you going in FL? If you are anywhere near West Palm Beach, be sure to vist Tanks a Lot Aquariums! I went yesterday, and it's great!

Hope you can put up with your family while you are there, you need that 120!

Good luck!

 

WOW!! Nicest thing I've heard in the past year!!!
You can thank Tofu for my avatar!!
But thanks so much-your post is like my new favorite post ever! THANKS!
(You should be a psychologist, as you know just the right thing to say!!!)

GuineaPigster I second this. Understand that it might be a generational conflict between their ideals and beliefs and yours. Don't take offense or get mad, be understanding, plus, people in that age bracket at times have so many personal issues of their own that their own stress level is already elevated, so they tend to be on edge quiet more.

The only person that has to like and approve of you is YOU! Cause in the end, you only go see them a few days a year from what it sounds, so my advice is make the best of it, I'm sure there are somethings.. or thing you like about them ? and if not, get the tapatalk app for your iphone or ipod and talk to us on Fishlore!

 

Sorry if this post has bad spelling. I'm on the first ipod ever made. (literally; it's that old! )
You guys are all soooo sweet- this was exactly what I needed to hear! I'll be posting on my computer (much more modern than this primitive "rag"! ) soon!

 

I'm back on the computer!!
Dondomingo-very funny!!!
CyanidePie: Let's just say that the grandparents I'm visiting don't know that I'm an atheist!
Yes.....uh.....!
How 'bout Broward Count fish stores?

 

Lynda.... *sigh* I love you so much right now. Wrap your arms around yourself. That's me giving you a hug. You're so awesome.

 

You're the best LyndaB!!!
I love fish lore!It's like a free counseling service!!
(And LOL, I love how you phrased that: not ''enlightened''!)

 

I hate stereotypes!!
(I like defying them too!!!)

 

I hate stereotypes!!
(I like defying them too!!!)

Hmmm. Maybe that is the problem? Remember, smile and nod, even it you want to scowl and smack them on the noggin.

 

Yeah, well I don't take stereotypes too seriously, in highschool there are a lot of playful jokes about every race, and I say every. It's a very multicultural school but the point is everyone is subject to some stereotypes and some have come to embrace them and actually admit to them sometimes being true
Even if a stereotype is true it is a generalization and should not be applied to everyone from that culture.

 

Hmmm. Maybe that is the problem? Remember, smile and nod, even it you want to scowl and smack them on the noggin.

An icon for every occasion:

 

But then I'd feel horrible that I just smacked my 80-something relatives!