How To Help An Idiot Friend?

My friend wanted a fish tank. And now will not listen to me at all.

She went out and bought a 10 gallon starter set up. It had everything but a heater and bubbler.

The same day, she bought like 9 fish. Including two kissing gouramis.

Set it all up....everything was fine for a few days. And now the fish are dropping like flies.

I finally convinced her to get a bubbler. She still won’t get a heater.

I tried to explain cycling to her and she won’t listen. She says her water is fine because her parents had a Molly tank 15+ years ago and never did any treatments or cycled it.

I even tried to get her to just get tetra safe start plus, cause that would have at least been an improvement or cycle it a little bit. She won’t.

Fish die, she returns them and buys more. Every single day I’m getting texts about what fish die and her complaining.

But she will not listen to me about needing to cycle the tank.

How do you deal with a friend like this?

 

Are you able to use a hammer to pound some sense in?

 

I could try but I doubt that would even work. I feel bad for all the fish she’s killing because she’s so stupid.

 

Its sad to say but some people think fish dying all the time is normal. That's how it was for them growing up with their parents tank so its seems normal to them.

 

She doesn't need a bubbler... especially with gouramis.

That said, if she won't listen, she won't listen. All you can do is provide her with the information. Whether she accepts it is entirely up to her.

 

I'd tell her that if she's going to choose to not take any of the advice you're giving her then you'll choose to not listen to her tank-tastrophy.

 

I agree with junebug...you can't force people listen. At some point she will get tired of replacing fish and either ask for (and accept) help of give up.

 

I don't have friends like that, because I would have ditched them long ago.

I would text back with "I've told you what you need to do to stop the fish dying. If you aren't going to listen, please don't continue asking me about it."

(That might be why I don't have friends like that).

 

Ugh I do not think I would be able to stand that at all. Honestly, scold her like crazy. Guilt trip her with how many fish she has killed and how long they can actually live. And shove the information of cycling down her throat. Seriously, you need to tell her that she is being irresponsible. I would not be able to let that person be any close to my fish tanks at all. I would hide my cats.
Heck, even my signature says what my values are on pets.

 

I have a friend who was victI'm to the shops shenanigans, you know, where they tell you every product to buy, huge tank, plenty of food, but provide the wrong information about fish care so the fish purchased die and the victI'm returns to bug more fish.

I managed to explain to him everything about the nitrogen cycle, water changes, feeding amounts (just building their knowledge from the ground up) and even offered to provide my guppy fry as his stock.

His tank is currently cycling and every week it seems I update him on the next steps.

To get her to listen though, tell her you've done all you can, and you don't care if her fish are dying because it's her fault.

 

I have a friend who was victI'm to the shops shenanigans, you know, where they tell you every product to buy, huge tank, plenty of food, but provide the wrong information about fish care so the fish purchased die and the victI'm returns to bug more fish.

I managed to explain to him everything about the nitrogen cycle, water changes, feeding amounts (just building their knowledge from the ground up) and even offered to provide my guppy fry as his stock.

His tank is currently cycling and every week it seems I update him on the next steps.

To get her to listen though, tell her you've done all you can, and you don't care if her fish are dying because it's her fault.

Yup. It is her responsibility for the wellbeing of those fish. Although I doubt they have been "well" at all....

 

Just drop the fish tank or use the hammer mentioned above on it, after taking the fish out.

 

I honestly would go visit and buy dr.tims one and only or at this point any cheap pre packaged Benifical bacteria and dump some in when she's not looking, like with Dr.Tims you can't overdose so u can even pour everything in and it won't overdose.

 

Or, even better, "rescue" her fish and tell her that you take care of abused fish in justification.
Because, man, I would not tolerate any more fish on the chopping block.

I honestly would go visit and buy dr.tims one and only or at this point any cheap pre packaged Benifical bacteria and dump some in when she's not looking

Probably not a good idea, because the idiot friend will think she is doing something right if her fish live longer and she will continue this rancid behavior.

 

Well, he or she can tell her later, sorry to lazy to scroll up and find out if he or she. Anyways, we can't resort to theft it can get ugly lol.

 

Eventually she's going to get tired of replacing fish, right? Or the fish store will run out of stock first.. at the rate it's going, it sounds like.

 

Eventually she's going to get tired of replacing fish, right? Or the fish store will run out of stock first.. at the rate it's going, it sounds like.

She seems very priveleged to have enough money to throw away on fish that is going to end up dying anyways.

 

I mean, this is happening on a DAILY basis. That's insane.

 

I mean, this is happening on a DAILY basis. That's insane.

Honestly, if worst comes to worse, I hope she grows bored.

 

She seems very priveleged to have enough money to throw away on fish that is going to end up dying anyways.

If shes getting her fish at petco they keep replacing your dead fish.

 

There’s been to many threads like this lately, it’s reallt unfortunate. Sorry your having to deal with this, I’m sure it’s not fun whatsoever. I’d recommend, as others have suggested, tell her you will not listen to her problems with her fish unless she’ll listen to you and do as you tell her.

 

Sigh.

If shes getting her fish at petco they keep replacing your dead fish.

 

You can't force people to do things differently. But as others have said, you CAN tell her you don't want to hear her complaining about her fish if she isn't going to listen to your advice.

 

If shes getting her fish at petco they keep replacing your dead fish.

You would think after a while they would be like "look lady, we can't make a profit off of you at this rate."

 

You would think after a while they would be like "look lady, we can't make a profit off of you at this rate."

I'm not sure their exact policy but the few that died on me over the years they never even questioned just gave you another.

 

I know! Tell her we here on fishlore want to see pictures of her tank and stock

 

I know! Tell her we here on fishlore want to see pictures of her tank and stock

That could work, but as long as people ask before giving advice or she asks first. Otherwise it may have the opposite effect we want, as giving advice without asking is a problem here. I’ve seen some people take it kindly and gratefully and others wither just leaving or getting real mad. If you were to do something like this, I’d suggest having her come here and ask whether it’s ok or not. But that’s just an idea.

 

Your friend doesn’t want to listen to you. Just tell them when your done wasting money on replacing fish let me know and I can help you fix this.

Otherwise move on.

 

I would simply tell her to stop bothering you with her dying fish if she won't listen to your advices.

 

I’ve tried several times to explain the nitrogen cycle to people and their eyes glaze over and they don’t hear it. I don’t know why, I’d have loved to have that info when I was younger and I’d cry every time I lost a fish. I tried explaining it the other day only to get interrupted with “don’t keep guppies, they’re way too hard to keep”.ead:

 

Even people who ask for help on here half of them only want to hear that they are right.

 

My friend wanted a fish tank. And now will not listen to me at all.

She went out and bought a 10 gallon starter set up. It had everything but a heater and bubbler.

The same day, she bought like 9 fish. Including two kissing gouramis.

Set it all up....everything was fine for a few days. And now the fish are dropping like flies.

I finally convinced her to get a bubbler. She still won’t get a heater.

I tried to explain cycling to her and she won’t listen. She says her water is fine because her parents had a Molly tank 15+ years ago and never did any treatments or cycled it.

I even tried to get her to just get tetra safe start plus, cause that would have at least been an improvement or cycle it a little bit. She won’t.

Fish die, she returns them and buys more. Every single day I’m getting texts about what fish die and her complaining.

But she will not listen to me about needing to cycle the tank.

How do you deal with a friend like this?

I say act as though u are advising her not telling her. Maybe if she feels like it was her idea she would listen. Lol I think maybe she has too many fish if she isn’t going to use a bubbler or filtration with all those fish they will continue too die. She should cut down the amount fish in the tank if she isn’t going to tend to it like it should be done.

 

My friend wanted a fish tank. And now will not listen to me at all.

She went out and bought a 10 gallon starter set up. It had everything but a heater and bubbler.

The same day, she bought like 9 fish. Including two kissing gouramis.

Set it all up....everything was fine for a few days. And now the fish are dropping like flies.

I finally convinced her to get a bubbler. She still won’t get a heater.

I tried to explain cycling to her and she won’t listen. She says her water is fine because her parents had a Molly tank 15+ years ago and never did any treatments or cycled it.

I even tried to get her to just get tetra safe start plus, cause that would have at least been an improvement or cycle it a little bit. She won’t.

Fish die, she returns them and buys more. Every single day I’m getting texts about what fish die and her complaining.

But she will not listen to me about needing to cycle the tank.

How do you deal with a friend like this?

I don't know. My boyfriend knows zero about fish and was keeping a bunch of betas with his koi fish in a 40 gallon storage container. All the babies from the koi (which were actually just goldfish) were being kept in separate ten gallon tanks where betas were also being kept. I'm surprised any of them were alive. The fry had nipped the tails off of the betas and the other betas in the storage tank were attacking each other and just living in dirty cold water. He also made the mistake of cleaning one tank with dish detergent which can never be fully rinsed from gravel. All the fry died in the tank that was cleaned with dish detergent. I had to tell him to never empty all the water because you need the bacteria and just use a scrubber. Detergent will coat their gills and they will suffocate. If he wants to clean an entire tank, remove the gravel and clean with only vinegar and salt. I offered to take the betas and he was actually relieved to give them to me.

I guess just be patient with her. When I first started I didn't listen that much. My parents had a lot of tanks but only kept goldfish or tetras. They weren't that experienced. I had the idea that it was okay to just put different fish together like art. I thought that all I had to was put dechlorinator in the water. No one had told me about cycling, not even the pet store. I'm not sure that was well known then although it should have been?... I just don't remember hearing much about cycling in 2001. That's when I was 20 and keeping my own fish. I had a filter, bubbler and a heater but so many of the fish died due to incompatibility and PH issues.

Maybe go to her house and show her. Make it a fun experience and take her to a professional and show her how to set up a tank. Some people are impatient about the tank cycling thing. Get her to use the tetra safe start plus.

 

perhaps you could tell her " I found it!" And give her a link to New Tank Syndrome? Just like that old English saying: there is no more deaf person than the one that doesn't want to hear.

 

Maybe you could stuff her in that unheated tank and see how she likes it.
This is a sad problem that we hear often, all you can do is keep trying.

 

Be blunt and tell her animal cruelty isn't a matter to simply shrug off. Ask her if she'd keep a puppy in the fridge. If she says no ask her "Then why are you basically doing that to your fish?!"

 

Be blunt and tell her animal cruelty isn't a matter to simply shrug off. Ask her if she'd keep a puppy in the fridge. If she says no ask her "Then why are you basically doing that to your fish?!"

Unfortunately there is a lot of people out there that will say,
"Its just a fish." or "Humans eat fish."
Yes, I do eat fish, but I respect them. Pigs and octopuses are smarter than dogs and cats by miles but we decide to eat them instead of the furry creatures by our side.
You respect the creature. Even a fish.