Have you guys ever had a “friendship breakup”? Did you ever come back together? - Updated

Bleu

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this tonight. I guess the sad thoughts have overrun my thoughts tonight. Normally, I don’t talk about them because I have a bottling up my issues problem, but for some reason I just feel like asking the question. I’m just trying so hard not to cry my eyes out like an idiot while writing this...

Forewarning this is a tad lengthy, I apologize. Scroll down for the short version;

I use to have a best friend who’ve I known since I was a young child, back when I was 6. We became best friends when we were around 10, and remained best friends for years. So it was over a decade worth of friendship.

Her and I were inseparable. I truly thought of her like a sister to me. We did everything together, always side by side. We had one of those bonds where we would talk all day and all night and never did we get tired of another.

When we got to High School, our friendship still lasted. We barely had any classes together but we met at the same spot every day for our breaks.

By senior year though, we had a falling out, which was lengthy. But, by the end of the year on our graduation night I reached out, took the entire blame and said I didn’t want to her hear her sorry, and we mended our friendship.

A year later, I guess we sort of started to drift. I don’t even remember talking to her at all that entire year, oddly, even though my text show otherwise. Depression plagued my mind. By the end of the year which was 2018, I fell off the face of the Earth basically. Not on purpose, I was in denial about being affected by depression, and busy gaining weight, and sleeping my life away.

Anyways, she reached out to tell me something important after one month of her not hearing from me and was concerned. Even her mom was alarmed and wondered where I had gone since nobody heard from me.

When I comb back through the memory though, I realized our “drifting” may of stemmed from her going to college (I chose not to) and her having that life of her own, plus a new best friend who she kept calling her best friend in the first months. I guess it did hurt me, but I never realized. That wasn’t the reason for our friendship fall out though. Thinking of it now, it definitely was some natural drifting.

Skipping the story, in 2019 a few months in, it went downhill again. I awfully sabotaged our entire friendship over the dumbest reason, which was immature-petty and poor because I didn’t communicate how I felt and what was indirectly hurting me.

Basically, I sort of “ghosted” not completely, but for the most part I would ignore her Snapchats, and never like her photos. (Immature behaviour.)

Then on her birthday I didn’t reach out to wish her one. Then, weeks later posted videos of myself having good times with a mutual friend she loathed, and wanted nothing to do with. After this month, I noticed I officially “lost” her. If I messaged her, she left me on read. So altogether I continued the “ghosting” process.

For a whole year she would throw shade at me with ex-friends of mine to get back at me. It was what I deserved.

Mid-2020 I officially deleted her off my social media. I couldn’t take it anymore. She would always check my Snapchat stories which was optional, and every time I saw her name and couldn’t speak to her it drove me crazy.

Now it’s 2021. We still have not spoke. Since the end of 2019 she’s been on my mind for almost every day. There will be periods where I bawl my eyes out out of the blue because I feel blue.

I don’t know why I miss her so much. Loneliness, or genuine missing? But, all I know is I haven’t been able to move on, barely healed, and live in regret and I utterly hate myself. I’m broken.

I think the saddest part of it all too is. I don’t think she misses me, finally happy-thriving (based on what I saw of her social media when people informed me). While my ridicule self feels hollow. I’m not a thought in her mind.

One of the last three things she told me was, “I miss you”, “I could never replace you”, “I miss your laugh” all so direct. Though, in the end I think these were just empty lies she fed me.

I really wish it didn’t hurt, I wish we hadn’t fallen out. I wish I had my best friend still.

[Too long, didn’t read summary]:

* “Broke up” with my lifelong best friend two years ago over the stupidest, immature and pathetic reason.

* Miss her every, single day. Haven’t moved on, feel pathetic because she sure of has, is thriving and I doubt think she thinks of me.

Now, for the big question for everyone, ever had a friendship breakup of your own? Did they ever come back? Do you still miss them? What happen which led to losing your best friend?
 

LouPey

Hiya, firstly I'm very sorry to hear you are going through so much and send you big virtual hugs!

It sounds like you and your friend will still have something to mend still. It might be a fight/struggle to mend, but I think it can be done.

First, it is good you have acknowledged and reflected on the situation to understand any underlying issues as that's usually the first step in mending friendships. Chances are she is probably hurt too.
It would probably be worth explaining your feelings to her if you haven't done so already to her. Like you've done here. You can go through the good memories, explain that you've been struggling in yourself and so you've accident helped push her out your life (which is a normal human response) and that you miss her. Give her time to digest it if you don't get a quick reply. But don't panic. If a long time passes and you want to nudge it, you can do it by asking her how she is.

I think so many friendships/relationships break down from lack of communication between 2 people in ways the other person understands easily.

Got my fingers crossed for you and sending you positive thoughts!
 
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Passionfish

I wish I could hug you.
Before I moved in the summer this year, I had one of my best friends living right next to me. We had the most amazing times together. Then as he found out I was moving he broke down, and he started to hate my parents. My parents already had a bad side for him, because he was a bully when he was young, but ever since we became friends he stopped being a bully type. Then he started acting all weird, and his personality changed completely, which I had no idea what was happening. This was all happening during the process of us moving. That's when I found out he had started doing all sorts of drugs. I don't want to go further into depth here for age purposes. My parents forced me to cut the relationship off, and I sadly had to for my own good, and maybe for his too. I haven't ever heard of him since. It's like he disappeared.
 
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CHJ

Yes I have.
However my life tends to be "different" so you probably don't want to hear about it.
 
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Kitley

awww...so sorry you are going through all this Bleu. I cant say I have really ever lost a good friend. I have however, lost a great sister, so I know how you feel. Try not to let it eat you up..maybe some counselling would make it easier for you to digest and heal. People change and grow all the time during our lifetime. It could be possible your friend is as hurt, and missing you as much as you hurt and miss her.
Each time my sister and I have a falling out, it is hard to take. There is also a lot of guilt and overthinking things. I find that each time we quit speaking, I don't even remember why, three months down the road...but my sister never forgets, and of course her version and mine often differ.
She is not a person who handles discourse well, and I find it best to leave her alone until she is ready, then we try to work it out. We are currently not speaking, and this time I think I am done being discarded and reeled back in. My sister suffers from Mental Health issues, and will not take meds. If it is not me getting the cold shoulder, it will be another of my two sisters, getting it. We all cope differently and my way is to just leave it be.
You can not decide when and if another person is ready to reconnect, she will need to do that on her own. I prefer to have a lot of friendships ...some last and some do not. Because it appears she has gotten on with her life and is happy, may not really be the case. Sending many hugs to you Bleu. It sounds as though you are quite young...life gets easier as we mature. Keep your chin up and don't let this loss keep you down. Sometimes it takes a while in a situation, to learn how to best deal with it..for you.
 
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AggressiveAquatics

I feel like you guys should try talking again. A long time ago when I was 5 I had my best friend that lived across the street from me. We were both in situations where we had to move a lot so when we both were 11 I had to move and he didn’t. I didn’t have a phone yet and neither did he so I totally relied on my mom to message his mom so we can communicate. Then I guess our moms agreed to get up iPads. The first Year I moved we played Minecraft together and used Skype as much as we could. But then we just slowly started playing less and less until before I realized I was 13 and we hadn’t talked in years. But somehow this actually happened, The day I was thinking that I wish we never stopped playing Minecraft I got a text from him. It just said “hey”. So I just replied “hey”. Then he asked if I wanted to play Minecraft again. That was probably the best night ever just playing for hours and now I’m almost 16 and from that day we still play Minecraft almost daily. And I should add he did eventually move and we live on the complete opposite side of the world. That’s why I think you guys should try reconnecting, but I guess not all story’s have the same ending.
 
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Kribensis27

This is really sad, I hope you guys can start talking again.

I've never had a friendship end very badly, but I have drifted away from a lot of people over time. My friends all live nearby, but they're in a different neighborhood. It takes like 5 minutes to drive, but I'm not old enough to drive yet. In the summer, I can bike down there, but I don't very often. I also can't for three seasons of the year, so that's not great either.

We live at the top of an extremely steep hill, and it's very difficult to bike back up. The road is long and twisty, and very steep in some areas, and it makes it very hard to bike up. I just had to rely on school and texts to communicate with them.

Well, now that schools have been closed for a while, our main method of communication has been cut off. For a while we were still texting each other, but now, I haven't said anything to any of them in months. I honestly have no real friends at the moment.

When we go back to school in a number of weeks, It'll be fine, I get along well with my classmates, and any social interaction will be good. I'll just make some new friends, and reconnect with any I can.

My real issue is that my best friend, who I've known since preschool, is completely distance learning. When me and most other kids go back, he won't. I haven't seen him on Zoom, I haven't texted him in over 6 months, and it's been even longer since I talked to him.

So yeah, not nearly as bad as this, but I am currently almost entirely isolated from everybody but my family and neighbors.

I hope you can be friends again!
 
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Skrabbitskrabbit

I am sorry that this is weighing on you so heavy but I agree that maybe you should gently reach out to say how you feel. You may get your friend back or you may just get closure but either way it will probably feel better. And in my experience, it usually seems like if you can’t get your mind off someone, they are probably thinking of you as well.
The only friend I have lost that I cared about was a friend that was from high school then turned into a long distance friendship for 10+ years but I get the feeling I was more invested than she was in the friendship. I asked her to be my bridesmaid and she said yes initially but she skipped my bachelorette shindig and then canceled on coming to the wedding a month before it was scheduled. That’s when we completely lost touch. She had also previously unofficially invited me to her wedding that was happening a few months later but never officially invited me or sent details. Ithink that she still follows me on IG but that is about it. Sometimes I find myself checking out my likes to see if she sees my photos or not. I was mad at her for a while but now I understand more (life) & although I just don’t see us becoming friends again, I am glad to have been friends while we were friends.
 
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Bleu

I am sorry that this is weighing on you so heavy but I agree that maybe you should gently reach out to say how you feel. You may get your friend back or you may just get closure but either way it will probably feel better. And in my experience, it usually seems like if you can’t get your mind off someone, they are probably thinking of you as well.
The only friend I have lost that I cared about was a friend that was from high school then turned into a long distance friendship for 10+ years but I get the feeling I was more invested than she was in the friendship. I asked her to be my bridesmaid and she said yes initially but she skipped my bachelorette shindig and then canceled on coming to the wedding a month before it was scheduled. That’s when we completely lost touch. She had also previously unofficially invited me to her wedding that was happening a few months later but never officially invited me or sent details. Ithink that she still follows me on IG but that is about it. Sometimes I find myself checking out my likes to see if she sees my photos or not. I was mad at her for a while but now I understand more (life) & although I just don’t see us becoming friends again, I am glad to have been friends while we were friends.

I really want to reach out, before I deleted her off my social last year, the day after I did it I had written out an apology I was gonna send to her, but I ended up not going through with it and erasing the message.

I feel like I can't reach out, every time I think about it, I just can't bring myself to do it. The circumstances hold me back. She has this friend she's known just as long as me, but that friend was her childhood bestfriend, who I think she always valued and put above me no matter what. Problem is, that friend in my opinion is just an awful person. I don't mean to talk bad about her, but, I'm not a fan. Back when we were preteens, I was actually friends with her childhood friend, we had no issues. High School though her childhood friend started to show her true colours in front of me.

That one friend would manipulate her into believing I was a gold digger, which wasn't even remotely logical, just said a lot of awful things about me, and I think it did cause my friend to retaliate in a way, which led to our first fallout.

So, whenever I see the two together (which they always are), I always assume if I do reach out, that one friend will just brainwash her into telling her to ignore my apology and all of that.

That's the number one reason. I know I don't got much to lose, but I guess my pride, and knowing I'll get rejected (from assumption) will hurt me even worse.

Second reason .... I just assume she hates me as well. Before my birthday she saw me walking down the street in a fleeting passing moment. She was writing in the passenger seat and her mom zipped by me. I don't even think her mom looked at me, and my ex-best friend herself was looking at me, and hiding. I didn't even see them, but my sister said she saw it all.

I just don't understand why she would hide, it makes me think she hates me, fears me or wants nothing to do with me.

Third reason .... The final assumption.... I think she's happier than ever now, she made new friends, she has her first ever boyfriend who she's occupied by and then she's friends with my ex-friends. When I saw photos of her on social media, I just assumed she's enjoying life, doesn't think about me, and better than ever. So reaching out I always think her reaction would be, "you think you can just come in my life?" - I don't want to disturb her peace, and happiness since she's probably over the moon with her life these days.

It sucks, I just can't bring myself to do it.

By the way, I'm sorry you had to go through that with your case. That's absolutely awful. You sounded like a really wonderful friend, my mind can't equate why she turned her back on you like that. I'm so sorry.
This is really sad, I hope you guys can start talking again.

I've never had a friendship end very badly, but I have drifted away from a lot of people over time. My friends all live nearby, but they're in a different neighborhood. It takes like 5 minutes to drive, but I'm not old enough to drive yet. In the summer, I can bike down there, but I don't very often. I also can't for three seasons of the year, so that's not great either.

We live at the top of an extremely steep hill, and it's very difficult to bike back up. The road is long and twisty, and very steep in some areas, and it makes it very hard to bike up. I just had to rely on school and texts to communicate with them.

Well, now that schools have been closed for a while, our main method of communication has been cut off. For a while we were still texting each other, but now, I haven't said anything to any of them in months. I honestly have no real friends at the moment.

When we go back to school in a number of weeks, It'll be fine, I get along well with my classmates, and any social interaction will be good. I'll just make some new friends, and reconnect with any I can.

My real issue is that my best friend, who I've known since preschool, is completely distance learning. When me and most other kids go back, he won't. I haven't seen him on Zoom, I haven't texted him in over 6 months, and it's been even longer since I talked to him.

So yeah, not nearly as bad as this, but I am currently almost entirely isolated from everybody but my family and neighbors.

I hope you can be friends again!

I definitely get how you feel. I've been living in isolation I won't lie since I graduated High School. My big friend group we were all close once upon a time just dismantled over drama. It made me learn my lesson though and now I opt away from it. Since I decided not to attend college after graduation, and I don't drink alcohol, nor the party goer type, it's been ridiculously tough to meet friends. So basically, it's just my other best friend and I (who was the one my ex-best friend loathed.)

Life is ridiculously lonely for me. I totally understand how you feel.

Have you ever tried shooting your friend a message? We're in a pandemic after all, so even a simple hello seems to go a long way. It doesn't seem you guys fell out from bad terms, just natural drifting but, you might be able to save it. If not, I'm sorry.

I wish we could be friends again, but I've been clinging onto hope since the end of 2019, now it's 2021. So, I guess we'll never be friends again. Sometimes I wish I could just move on and forget her just like that, normally that's how I usually am, but not this time around.
Yes I have.
However my life tends to be "different" so you probably don't want to hear about it.

If you were willing to hear my story, I have no problem hearing yours
 
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Bleu

Basically, I fell out with my best friend of over 10+ years. In my opinion, we were both at fault. It's always me that does the reaching out. 2-days ago, I sent her a text message around 11 PM, almost 12. I wished her Happy Birthday, and I said, "sorry for being a jerk." I mentioned that I was thinking of her, and miss her.

No response.

2-days later, still no response. Though, she is the type of person to always have her phone on hand, and she had no problem adding to her Spotify playlist. Which means, she for sure ignored me. Not busy :( I don't use my Facebook, ever, but when I checked if we were still friends on there, she had me deleted. Either she deleted me after sending the text or, she deleted me a few months prior. No idea.

I guess I at least put out the olive branch. It truly is up to her if she wants to hold a grudge or not, and I guess she still is.

Now, I feel stupid and embarrassed for reaching out. This is why I was always afraid to do so, because I think I always predicted I would never get a response, I did say that in the text too. I was shaking when I sent the message.

I'm so bummed, I just wish I had more time, or one more opportunity at forgiveness to show how much I changed. My dad died a few months ago, and every day I'm working on trying to be a better person. I have a gut feeling the toxic ex-friends of mine around her told her to reject me too.

:(
 
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BigManAquatics

All i can say is that sometines, no people=no problems.

Yucky situation though. Can always make new friends. People exit each others lives for a reason. Though in this social media day and age, it is harder to make friends, as most social skills are drastically lacking in many people.

I suggest try to not overthink it, chin up and move on!
 
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Bleu

All i can say is that sometines, no people=no problems.

Yucky situation though. Can always make new friends. People exit each others lives for a reason. Though in this social media day and age, it is harder to make friends, as most social skills are drastically lacking in many people.

I suggest try to not overthink it, chin up and move on!
Thanks, and it's true, it is hard to make friends nowadays. :(
 
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Fisch

People are always individuals, they develop and grow. If two people continue to grow having the same interests, this friendship will continue. If their interests are developing different, many decide it is not worth the effort. Friendship done.
There seems to be a very clear indication that your relation with your ex-friend falls into the second category.
If you just demean yourself by admitting you are an a**, why do you do that to yourself? Move on.
Yes, it is not easy to make friends...be happy with the ones you have, and cherish them.
 
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Dunk2

I wrote this post in January.


Basically, I fell out with my best friend of over 10+ years. In my opinion, we were both at fault. It's always me that does the reaching out. 2-days ago, I sent her a text message around 11 PM, almost 12. I wished her Happy Birthday, and I said, "sorry for being an ****." I mentioned that I was thinking of her, and miss her.

No response.

2-days later, still no response. Though, she is the type of person to always have her phone on hand, and she had no problem adding to her Spotify playlist. Which means, she for sure ignored me. Not busy :( I don't use my Facebook, ever, but when I checked if we were still friends on there, she had me deleted. Either she deleted me after sending the text, as a "screw off" or, she deleted me a few months prior. No idea.

I guess I at least put out the olive branch. It truly is up to her if she wants to hold a grudge or not, and I guess she still is.

Now, I feel stupid and embarrassed for reaching out. This is why I was always afraid to do so, because I think I always predicted I would never get a response, I did say that in the text too. I was shaking when I sent the message.

I'm so bummed, I just wish I had more time, or one more opportunity at forgiveness to show how much I changed. My dad died a few months ago, and every day I'm working on trying to be a better person. I have a gut feeling the toxic ex-friends of mine around her told her to reject me too.

:(
Don’t feel stupid or embarrassed. . . You were the better person for reaching out and apologizing.

I remember when you lost your dad. My brother passed away at 28 years old. I was 18 (just a few years ago ;) ). Taught me at a pretty young age that life is WAY too short.

Don’t waste a short life on a person who clearly doesn’t want bothered.
 
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GenF211

No regrets! i lost my bf years ago…what I regret is not reaching out to try and make things right. You did! Your brave and tried! You’ll move on to better friendships and happiness! Harder than losing boyfriends for sure. But have faith.
 
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Bleu

Don’t feel stupid or embarrassed. . . You were the better person for reaching out and apologizing.

I remember when you lost your dad. My brother passed away at 28 years old. I was 18 (just a few years ago ;) ). Taught me at a pretty young age that life is WAY too short.

Don’t waste a short life on a person who clearly doesn’t want bothered.
Thank you, sorry for your loss too :(

I think that was one of the motivations to actually press send on the button, life really is too short and it's a big lesson I've learned.
 
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GenF211

Thank you, sorry for your loss too :(

I think that was one of the motivations to actually press send on the button, life really is too short and it's a big lesson I've learned.
Long time ago…but I’ve never forgotten. Thanks . Heals with time..and good times.
 
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Ouse

I think this is the third thread I’ve seen about your ex-friend, so I understand these must be difficult times for you. One thing I will say is: it’s simply nature for some people to start trouble wherever they can. I predict the ex-friend in question is reaping from this combative situation and enjoys imagining your disappointment to see no reply. No apologies will be taken seriously; they’ll simply backfire.

The sort of behaviour they’re exhibiting is the sort that really bothers me and doesn’t have much moral weight.

We have your back here. :D
 
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Bleu

I think this is the third thread I’ve seen about your ex-friend, so I understand these must be difficult times for you. One thing I will say is: it’s simply nature for some people to start trouble wherever they can. I predict the ex-friend in question is reaping from this combative situation and enjoys imagining your disappointment to see no reply. No apologies will be taken seriously; they’ll simply backfire.

The sort of behaviour they’re exhibiting is the sort that really bothers me and doesn’t have much moral weight.

We have your back here. :D
Yeah, that’s the thing. I believe her no-response is her getting back at me, and sending me a clear message. I admit I was a bad friend too, that messed it all up, and I was the first person who left her in silence originally.

Taking two years to reach out too, must’ve been quite long, but bummer she didn’t give me another chance, but rather chose pettiness & holding a grudge still.

I am just glad the “what if’s” have finally come to an end, but it’s unfortunate I can’t show her how much I changed, and be a good friend. I wish I had more time, because I genuinely do miss her and I made a mistake, but yeah the no-response just feels immature, but also, representation she never really cared about me.

It’s strange though how she told me, “I miss you” before the first fall out, and “I could never replace you”, “miss your laugh” - to me it sounds like all of these in the end came to be lies.

By the way thank you so much. The fish community is always so sweet to me.
 
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Debbie1986

You apologized even though you felt you were not in error. Frankly, that right there is a red flag to me. She let you... that's not kind of normal. People usually soften the blow & will make comments like 'it's not all your fault' or
'i'm to blame too...' etc.

The 10 year friendship is over & you are grieving, but you alone cannot fix it, it would require both of you and accommodation from her.

JMO - but stop. Let it go.

People can and do grow apart.

But a good friend would not have let you taken all the blame, get me?

The power dynamic was off. It's okay to walk away & just let that relationship be what it once was... give it some time, a few years and reach out again. But you cannot undo time and distance.

You had depression. Been there done that, I have the tee shirt.
Just take it one day at a time and find new interests. You did not fail. relationships have ebs and flows. This one ran it's course for that time period. Do not get stuck into a cycle of 'what ifs'

just be aware - this issue may happen again. Transitioning from late teen to mid20s is hard. peers will be changing roles from young adults to married with kids.

TLDR: MAKE NEW FRIENDS , IT'S OKAY
 
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Bleu

You apologized even though you felt you were not in error. Frankly, that right there is a red flag to me. She let you... that's not kind of normal. People usually soften the blow & will make comments like 'it's not all your fault' or
'i'm to blame too...' etc.

The 10 year friendship is over & you are grieving, but you alone cannot fix it, it would require both of you and accommodation from her.

JMO - but stop. Let it go.

People can and do grow apart.

But a good friend would not have let you taken all the blame, get me?

The power dynamic was off. It's okay to walk away & just let that relationship be what it once was... give it some time, a few years and reach out again. But you cannot undo time and distance.

You had depression. Been there done that, I have the tee shirt.
Just take it one day at a time and find new interests. You did not fail. relationships have ebs and flows. This one ran it's course for that time period. Do not get stuck into a cycle of 'what ifs'

just be aware - this issue may happen again. Transitioning from late teen to mid20s is hard. peers will be changing roles from young adults to married with kids.

TLDR: MAKE NEW FRIENDS , IT'S OKAY
Thanks a lot, I didn’t realize this now that you pointed it out. To be fair, I do remember her saying, “no I want to apologize” way back then, but I told her it was ok. That was when we were 17, vs now the flat out ignored response.

And yeah, I will try to make new friends. Bummer though. At least I still got one true friend left.
 
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JavaMossMan

Nothing strange here. This is normal in life. I rarely talk to anyone from my high school years. I saw a few people here and there after some years but I have nothing in common with them.

Same thing happened in college. Then the same thing happened with every job I had. And also social groups as well. People come and go. Same goes for this hobby. You buy some fish only to end up having it die.

I was just thinking this today: You can never hold onto anything in life. Whatever you get in life now is only to lose it later.

On a side note the only thing I wouldn't mind losing is algae.
 
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