Frustrated With Ignorant Sister

Another thing...if you live in the US there is a $1 per gallon sale going on at Petco till Jan 28! Cough, cough, maybe try to politely hint or try to urge her to get a new tank

 

She is literally abusing animals and I think that your sister should listen to you since you are related. It really puzzles me why she wouldn't want a free tank and help with maintenance since you can see how bad the fish are. When she says stuff like " I don't want help" ask her why? And on one day go upto her and say something like "hey I've just found a great fish forum you would like" maybe having a friendly approach and subtlety recommending fish sites to her would make her feel less like your trying to instruct her and help her?

Hmmm.... good point. Even if you're not 100% interested in the topic, you might want to ask your sister for advice on something SHE's interested in - and then take the advice and THANK her! Maybe if she doesn't feel like you think she's a dolt, she might be more apt to listen to you.

 

Either you buy the tank and the fish from her, or you let it drop. I see no other options. We're getting one side of the story, and it has people all up in arms. But if she were to read the thread, do you think she'd respect the one sided reactions? We don't know the history, the background, except as one of the combatants has posted it here. The thread is becoming angry gossip.
I think it is not cool to bring family problems - sibling fights, divorces, etc, into forums where people debate them like they've been asked by both parties involved. It is not our business. We can only help fishkeepers who have some control over the problems they want fixed.

 

Well I bet Coradee can help with this dispute!

 

Are you calling in a mod who also helps with family disputes and High School hallway stuff?

Threads like this don't make a forum look good.

 

Are you calling in a mod who also helps with family disputes and High School hallway stuff?

Threads like this don't make a forum look good.

I think that this is a great place to freely post their problems whether it makes a forum look good or not. It is made for help so I don't see the problem?

 

Are you calling in a mod who also helps with family disputes and High School hallway stuff?

Threads like this don't make a forum look good.

No he will see if this thread is is resolved or not!

I don't see how this thread makes this forum look bad , this forum is meant to help people with their problems. We are helping OP into trying to educate someone to proper fish keeping habits! Although this case is a special one, we will not give up on any fish or stop helping someone's fish because it's getting too personal.

Also the members who gave advice show that this forum care about people and no just fish! So I thank all those who have given good advice to OP!

 

The forum is made to help, but if you read the title this thread carries, do you not wonder if the sister needs help? Has it occurred to anyone that maybe there's a deeper problem, and that being so righteous in supporting the accusations might be harmful? Could it be depression? Bullying? I work with both, and this thread makes me wonder.

Do you think he will be able to resist showing her the public support he got? Do you want to be part of something you don't understand?

When I read the title, I thought it was a child posting. It isn't 'help me save some fish' or "need advice in a delicate situation'. "Frustrated with Ignorant Sister". On a fish hobby forum. Think about that.

 

The forum is made to help, but if you read the title this thread carries, do you not wonder if the sister needs help? Has it occurred to anyone that maybe there's a deeper problem, and that being so righteous in supporting the accusations might be harmful? Could it be depression? Bullying? I work with both, and this thread makes me wonder.

Do you think he will be able to resist showing her the public support he got? Do you want to be part of something you don't understand?

When I read the title, I thought it was a child posting. It isn't 'help me save some fish' or "need advice in a delicate situation'. "Frustrated with Ignorant Sister". On a fish hobby forum. Think about that.

I had no intention of showing anyone this thread. I am frustrated with somebody who does not care and needed to vent said frustration.

Yes, I want to save the fish. Members here have already made some good suggestions.

Yes, I do believe she is ignorant. She is being deliberately stubborn and not taking sound advice. I have not been argumentative with this person in the slightest, I have tried explaining, in detail, why it is important to do X and Y. I explained the nitrogen cycle, the benefits of live plants, how her fish are not compatible with her tank size, etc, etc, only to be brushed off and told "they're fine" or "I don't want to do that". If it makes any difference, she has a long history of being rude, disrespectful, and argumentative. She has been called the "B" word on more than a few occasions. I do not appreciate being labeled as a child simply because of my exhausted frustration with an individual who absolutely refuses to adjust and continues to neglect living, breathing animals who deserve better.

 

Honestly these problems can be typical when it comes to siblings, I have fights with my sister occasionally! Also there are a lot of people who don't understand how to care for fish and they think that no matter what they are right or they already have their mindset. OP just really cares about his fish like many of us and because it's his own family he is upset! I would be too if you know you can help others but can't help those who are close to you.

We are trying to help him to help his sister! I guess if you don't want to help him or his sister than unsubscribing from the thread will be best to avoid frustration since it seems this is upsetting to you while we are all trying to help!

 

I had no intention of showing anyone this thread. I am frustrated with somebody who does not care and needed to vent said frustration.

Yes, I want to save the fish. Members here have already made some good suggestions.

I do not appreciate being labeled as a child simply because of my exhausted frustration with an individual who absolutely refuses to adjust and continues to neglect living, breathing animals who deserve better.

And this is what the forum allows you to do as long as it's respectful and don't contain bad language! There are many people here just like you who create a thread to vent about something they saw or people at a work place that are mistreating the fish.

I apolgize for those that are labeling you as a "child"!

We want this forum to be a safe place for people to express their idea on their minds! Without this forum I would be depressed since with school work and family life it is stressful! No one seems to have the same interest as me and when I talked about aquariums people kind of look at you weirdly or they just don't understand! This forum has been my escape to help others who need help and to learn new things and share things with other people in love with this hobby.

 

I think at this point there is not a lot more you can do. Just walk away from it, salvage your relationship with your sister.

It seems like you have been trying to do the water changes for her, testing the water so to speak. That's really all you can do. Just do so quietly, maybe after a while she will start to come around. Though fighting about it never solves anything.

Good luck to you! And don't be scared to vent, there are lots of frustrating things that happen in the hobby.

 

Did you just read what Fahn wrote? "If it makes any difference, she has a long history of being rude, disrespectful, and argumentative. She has been called the "B" word on more than a few occasions". My point made.

I give up. This forum is a Grade ten hallway in a poorly administered school. What makes a moderator look at a thread on this forum? You're ganging up and ripping down a person whose brother doesn't like her. His are not the words of a reliable witness.

Posters here attack newcomers to the hobby with put downs from on high and no constructive explanations, engage in character assassination of strangers, post without reading previous posts, troll and lie. It's a lost cause here, a forum with no backbone and some very mean and petty voices.

 

Did you just read what Fahn wrote? "If it makes any difference, she has a long history of being rude, disrespectful, and argumentative. She has been called the "B" word on more than a few occasions". My point made.

I give up. This forum is a Grade ten hallway in a poorly administered school. What makes a moderator look at a thread on this forum? You're ganging up and ripping down a person whose brother doesn't like her. His are not the words of a reliable witness.

Posters here attack newcomers to the hobby with put downs from on high and no constructive explanations, engage in character assassination of strangers, post without reading previous posts, troll and lie. It's a lost cause here, a forum with no backbone and some very mean and petty voices.

I guess you just don't know all the good we have done and all the beginners and new comers that we have helped Really sad to see you criticize this forum! We have been polite to the OP as well as given good advice to him with his sister. Don't see how the advice of talking calmly and understanding her is a bad advice and a mean comment. Honestly your're really just putting other people down by telling others their comments are mean or telling others they are childish. As you mentioned, this forum is meant to help fish, and that is what we are doing. We are trying to help save the fish, but it seems like your giving up on the fish and saying we should tell OP to stop being childish and defending the sister. We don't hate the sister we are also seeing her side of the story and giving advice to try to help her. TexasDomer Anders247 tyguy7760

 

I had no intention of showing anyone this thread. I am frustrated with somebody who does not care and needed to vent said frustration.

Yes, I want to save the fish. Members here have already made some good suggestions.

Yes, I do believe she is ignorant. She is being deliberately stubborn and not taking sound advice. I have not been argumentative with this person in the slightest, I have tried explaining, in detail, why it is important to do X and Y. I explained the nitrogen cycle, the benefits of live plants, how her fish are not compatible with her tank size, etc, etc, only to be brushed off and told "they're fine" or "I don't want to do that". If it makes any difference, she has a long history of being rude, disrespectful, and argumentative. She has been called the "B" word on more than a few occasions. I do not appreciate being labeled as a child simply because of my exhausted frustration with an individual who absolutely refuses to adjust and continues to neglect living, breathing animals who deserve better.

My sister and I were like night and day. I never tried to bug her, but I always managed to irritate her on a daily basis (now that's I'm an adult, I realize that not everyone appreciates worms and bugs and gerbils and... you get the point). She was a typical girly-girl, and I was... different. She once recalled trying to play Barbie with me - she wanted to do the normal thing, I wanted to dress Barbie up like a cowboy and put her on a horse while obsessively humming the theme from Bonanza. We're still polar opposites, personality-wise, but we get along great as adults - of course there are things we don't discuss (she is NOT interested in hearing about detritus worms in my tank, for example and I carefully avoid discussing politics at all costs).

My husband and I are approaching our 35th anniversary, and there is a secret weapon to living with someone for that long - sometimes you just have to say, "Yes, Dear," whether you mean it or not - and it goes BOTH ways. I have ADHD and can be VERY irritating at times. I'm aware that sibling relationships are different than spouses, but some of the same skills are needed if life is to be peaceful. Siblings living together as adults is probably an even more inflammatory situation. None of us are perfect... but constant "nagging" or "harping on" about something only annoys the person on the receiving end...No disrespect intended, but you might want to consider turning it down a notch. I would still advise you to talk this out with a counselor at your school - they're there to help! I don't know what else I can say. I'm going to stop nagging you now.

 

My sister and I were like night and day. I never tried to bug her, but I always managed to irritate her on a daily basis (now that's I'm an adult, I realize that not everyone appreciates worms and bugs and gerbils and... you get the point). She was a typical girly-girl, and I was... different. She once recalled trying to play Barbie with me - she wanted to do the normal thing, I wanted to dress Barbie up like a cowboy and put her on a horse while obsessively humming the theme from Bonanza. We're still polar opposites, personality-wise, but we get along great as adults - of course there are things we don't discuss, of course (she is NOT interested in hearing about detritus worms in my tank, for example and I carefully avoid discussing politics at all costs).

My husband and I are approaching our 35th anniversary, and there is a secret weapon to living with someone for that long - sometimes you just have to say, "Yes, Dear," whether you mean it or not - and it goes BOTH ways. I have ADHD and can be VERY irritating at times. I'm aware that sibling relationships are different than spouses, but some of the same skills are needed if life is to be peaceful. Siblings living together as adults is probably an even more inflammatory situation. None of us are perfect... but constant "nagging" or "harping on" about something only annoys the person on the receiving end...No disrespect intended, but you might want to consider turning it down a notch. I would still advise you to talk this out with a counselor at your school - they're there to help! I don't know what else I can say. I'm going to stop nagging you now.

OMG, I had 2 gerbils but now I have a hamster!!! I also have cockroaches and beetles and well most of my relatives are usually scared of the bugs! I also have a mild case of ADHD, use to have a good amount when I was little though(...always go in trouble and no one new of ADHD until a couple years ago when we went to the doctors). But my sister can be rude and well stuborn, she want to get ways and normally doesn't look at it from other people's point of view. Normally I just back off and let her have her space.

I don't think that you were nagging and was polite. In fact most of us were polite and were seeing the sister side! Don't think we did anything wrong!

 

*sigh* I hope you can figure it out. I would talk to a school counselor too, they can really help. Good luck!

 

I really wish there were animal abuse laws against mistreating fish. I'm so sorry about this whole thing, I've been through similar unfortunately . I hope you find a home for the fish. I'd try to cycle and clean it behind her back, to try to keep the fish from suffering at least.

I don't think there is any cycling a filter intended for 5 and 10 gallons with a goldfish and pleco in there. The ammonia more than quadrupled in less than 24 hours.

 

I don't think there is any cycling a filter intended for 5 and 10 gallons with a goldfish and pleco in there. The ammonia more than quadrupled in less than 24 hours.

True. I really hope you can figure out how to help them! Those fish deserve better. Maybe put some (a lot) of old filter media from one of your tanks to help at least diffuse SOME ammonia. Not really cycling, but it might help.

 

True. I really hope you can figure out how to help them! Those fish deserve better. Maybe put some (a lot) of old filter media from one of your tanks to help at least diffuse SOME ammonia. Not really cycling, but it might help.

This is exactly why I suggested she keep her old filter cartridge and use multiple filters.

 

But then even if you somehow lower the ammonia concentration you still have the stress from stunted growth and living in a very small container! Sometimes the physical environment doesn't kill the fish but the stress that is why some people wonder why there fish died out of the blue when there was no "signs".

 

Hide it in the filter, under the gravel, etc. maybe after a while pretend they died, invest in a realistic rubber fish and take a picture of it in a net, say it died and you flushed it. Or run the real fish into the bathroom really quickly while you move it into a bag, take a picture of it next to the toilet. Honestly I'd just focus on saving the fish right now, and focus on the family stuff later. That's what I did with my dad (similar situation with a red tailed shark) and it worked pretty well, as in we're ok now and the fish is ok too. (putting aside drama and getting the fish better first, not the dead fish thing). Good luck!!!

 

I guess you just don't know all the good we have done and all the beginners and new comers that we have helped Really sad to see you criticize this forum! We have been polite to the OP as well as given good advice to him with his sister. Don't see how the advice of talking calmly and understanding her is a bad advice and a mean comment. Honestly your're really just putting other people down by telling others their comments are mean or telling others they are childish. As you mentioned, this forum is meant to help fish, and that is what we are doing. We are trying to help save the fish, but it seems like your giving up on the fish and saying we should tell OP to stop being childish and defending the sister. We don't hate the sister we are also seeing her side of the story and giving advice to try to help her. TexasDomer Anders247 tyguy7760

I don't know why you tagged me in this.

I agree with . OP tried to fix the situation and couldn't. It's not worth ruining family relationships over fish, and I don't think it's appropriate to bad mouth family on a fish forum.

 

But then even if you somehow lower the ammonia concentration you still have the stress from stunted growth and living in a very small container! Sometimes the physical environment doesn't kill the fish but the stress that is why some people wonder why there fish died out of the blue when there was no "signs".

All too true. At least they wouldn't be getting burned so badly in the meantime, though. I've had four month long fights like that, and they do end. Just try to keep things stable right now, and in my experience it will have to work itself out eventually.

 

I've been watching this for a while, I have not read every post but most of them.
As someone said, we have not heard from the sister, only from one side of this assumed problem.
I have a dog, boxer, Cato, he's the most lovable animal I have ever seen or heard of, he was gotten from a disturbed man, a disabled vet, and I've spent about 2K nursing him back to health.
I also have a dog down the road, a pit bull, that lives in a cage about 6" x 8" and this animal is miserable, I can't do anything about this, I don't have the funds to save them all, no matter how ill it makes me to drive by the cage every day.
I see people on this forum turning against each other, and yes we only hear one side of this problem, well calling each other names will not help this situation.
I suggest that we hear from the sister or we drop this altogether, the way this is going nothing is going to be resolved anyway.

 

Alright, I was frustrated but never meant for the thread to get so out of hand. Gonna see if I can get this locked or something.

 

You can ask a moderator

 

You can ask a moderator

How would one go about doing that?

 

Make a private conversation with the moderator.

 

I agree with TD.
This has gotten out of hand. I will tag a moderator who is online right now. jdhef

 

I contacted a moderator as well through PM.

 

Fahn and I have spoken off forum and I think we have worked it out as people, talking. I see his point, and I think he sees mine. So onwards we go, doing what we can to support each other in this great hobby. No one ever said there wouldn't be rocks on the substrate.
Clashes like this are never pleasant, but at least we may understand our bettas more.

 

Fahn and another have already contacted a moderator to lock thread up. Don't post something off topic. I think that Fahn stopped posting his/her problem already and already started posting how to lock the thread