Frustrated With Ignorant Sister

So my sister also keeps an aquarium. Everything about it is wrong but she couldn't care less. All the advice I give her she brushes off as me being too obsessive and people take her side. Here is my sister's setup:

10 gallon aquarium. Whisper filter for 5-10 gallons. I bought her a filter rated for 30-60 gallons (also a Whisper) and she refused it. Also threw away her old cycled filter which is also rated for 5-10 gallons. No live plants except a marimo ball (which I added just to put SOMETHING in there) and no decor except a small plastic rock cave. She refuses offers for live plants, saying she doesn't want anything in there that will "spread".

Stock, in a 10 gallon, is 1 cory cat, 3 white cloud minnows, a goldfish, and some kind of mystery albino pleco which the salesperson at PetSmart claimed would only get to a couple of inches (we'll see). It is not a clown, bristlenose, or rubberlip. She keeps the lighting on for 24 hours a day sometimes, doesn't feed them a proper diet, and never does maintenance.

Today I tested her water in the aquarium, which is about a week old... ammonia is a staggering 4 ppm. Goldfish and cory are lying on the bottom looking lethargic. Fish waste was accumulating and the water is slightly cloudy. I told her the goldfish and pleco would produce a ton of waste and that she needed heavy filtration, again, I'm wrong. Also told her to at least save her old filter pad so she wouldn't have to cycle the tank. Once again, I'm wrong. She throws a fit anytime I ask to do a water change or when I add conditioners to her water. She won't add driftwood for her pleco and just throws an algae wafer in the tank. You don't buy a pleco for a brand new aquarium.

I gravel vac'd and did a 50% water change, then added a dose of Prime and Stability. I instructed her to add a half cap of Stability for one week every morning (I know she won't).

I'm beyond angry and frustrated with her and her indifference. I know they were inexpensive fish, but they are living things that think and feel, and if you're not going to care for them then why did you even buy them? I've half a mind to claim "they died" and rehome them in secret. The neglect on her part is irritating.

Oh, and here's the kicker... I have a high tech planted tank, powerful canister filter, injected co2, do weekly water changes, varied diet for my fish. I've been doing this only for a short while, since last August, but I've come a long way from thinking keeping a betta in a bowl was OK. What angers me, though, is that when something happens in my tank - algae, fish is sick, etc - it is because I am killing the fish from all the plants I added. Can you believe that?! Fish live in ponds and rivers teeming with plants, but the anacharis in my tank is responsible for a dead shrimp. Then, since nothing in my sister's tank has died (by a miracle), her aquarium is used as an example of how one SHOULD BE. WHAT THE HECK?!

Rant over I guess. Super frustrated right now. Wondering if anybody else experiences something similar...

 

Totally wrong. Does she do water change? your not the only one. When I was a kid, everybody sided with my sister. I was just alone.

 

Totally wrong. Does she do water change? your not the only one. When I was a kid, everybody sided with my sister. I was just alone.

Doesn't do water changes, sees them as unnecessary and a waste of time. I practically had to beg to do this one. The ammonia tube was dark emerald green. "Your fish's water is toxic", I said. I was told with indifference the water was fine.

After the water change they perked back up and were swimming again. My dad even remarked that they look better.

Like I said, if you are not going to take care of them, don't buy them. You can't just throw them in a glass box full of water and expect it to be alright.

 

id go with rehoming and saying theyre dead, but others will disagree

 

I'd rehome them. They are gonna die if you don't. Some people, no matter how much tell them or how much you try to help them.. they don't listen.

 

I'd rehome them. They are gonna die if you don't. Some people, no matter how much tell them or how much you try to help them.. they don't listen.

I can't just say they all died at once though. Also, the goldfish is physically disabled. One of it's tails is smaller than the other, and it's eyes are not lined up correctly. One eye is normal and the other is all black. I'm not sure if anybody would be willing to take in a disabled goldfish...

 

you might if they have a pond

 

What type of goldfish is it? Has it always been like this?

Also it's possible to have a tank crash and all fish die at once.

 

I am sorry. Pretend like the fish died and put them in your tank or rehome them. How old is she? If she is 10< she should know better. You should try to educate her like I did with my sister, and show her how a tank is supposed to be run

 

Can you get your parents or some other adult your sister respects to talk her out of fishkeeping (at least until she's willing to treat them properly)? As one of six siblings, I can say that one thing my sibs hated was if I told them they were wrong about something...

 

What type of goldfish is it? Has it always been like this?

Also it's possible to have a tank crash and all fish die at once.

It's a calico fantail, about 2 1/2 inches long. I discovered the abnormalities the day after she brought it home so I assumed it was congenital. Because he is disabled, he was named "Arnie", after the Gilbert Grape character. He's adorable, just slightly deformed.

I'll give it a week or so and see if I can't rehome a few (the goldfish and cory concern me most of all). The pleco I might be able to rehouse in my aquarium, but unfortunately I cannot tell what species it is. If asked, I'll just say I tested her water and the ammonia was at lethal levels. Hopefully she won't buy any more fish.

Can you get your parents or some other adult your sister respects to talk her out of fishkeeping (at least until she's willing to treat them properly)? As one of six siblings, I can say that one thing my sibs hated was if I told them they were wrong about something...

It sucks because I am older than she is and although not an expert by any means, I do my homework and have learned from mistakes. My parents won't say anything to her about it, I'm sure. As I was told by my mother, "if the fish die, then they die". No respect for the well-being of them.

Oh, and they assume that because the tanks at pet stores are usually overstocked (they probably have beefy filtration to compensate) then you can add as many fish as you like in a tank. These are the same people who told me my live plants kill my fish and make my water dirty.

 

Threaten to call the SPCA?

 

Well, I feel for you. My step sister can be like that too but with other things. Your options are to rehome, do all the work for her, or just let her suffer the consequences.

 

How old is your sister? Is she little? I can't imagine if she won't listen and she's adult.

 

Threaten to call the SPCA?

I don't think it's worth causing tension and animosity between family over an aquarium... I just want what's best for the fish.

How old is your sister? Is she little? I can't imagine if she won't listen and she's adult.

22 year old Clinical Pharmacy major, Junior year of school. I'm currently living at home as I finish up my last 2 semesters of college (majoring in Network Systems Implementation).

 

What the heck?! Shouldn't the big box stores want you to buy plants? My Petco is stocked to the brI'm with plants. Maybe bring a stray kitten home, give it to your sister, and quietly rehome the fish while she is distracted?

 

I didn't mean to actually do it, I don't think the SPCA will get involved over a few fish anyway unless they're being tortured, if then. Really though, this is neglect, I think it calls for a family meeting. Be calm, be straightforward, and let them know that this is abuse of a living, feeling creature and that you're willing to help but only if your sister is willing to step up and be an adult.

*Edit* ****!?! A 22-year-old pharmacy major??? Ok, that girl needs to grow up.

 

22 year old Clinical Pharmacy major, Junior year of school. I'm currently living at home as I finish up my last 2 semesters of college (majoring in Network Systems Implementation).

I can't believe it.

 

I didn't mean to actually do it, I don't think the SPCA will get involved over a few fish anyway unless they're being tortured, if then. Really though, this is neglect, I think it calls for a family meeting. Be calm, be straightforward, and let them know that this is abuse of a living, feeling creature and that you're willing to help but only if your sister is willing to step up and be an adult.

Trust me, nobody cares. They see my level of dedication as obsessive behavior and, frankly, immaturity. All they see is cheap fish from PetSmart that only cost a few dollars.

 

Wow. Just wow. They wouldn't do that to a dog, why are fish so lucky? <sarcasm>

Welcome to our website - INJAF

 

Yeah and I don't think I'd put the fantail into a pond as they are the more fancy variety, unless they were in with other fancies.

 

Wow. Just wow. They wouldn't do that to a dog, why are fish so lucky? <sarcasm>

Welcome to our website - INJAF

She has a Pomeranian too. The way she treats her fish would be like if she kept her dog in a crate 24 hours a day, never gave him clean water, and fed him only cheap, unhealthy dry food.

 

Tell her that!

 

It's no use, I've met people like her and they won't listen. Just give her $ for the tank and she will probably give it to you. Then, you could rehome the fish

 

It's no use, I've met people like her and they won't listen. Just give her $ for the tank and she will probably give it to you. Then, you could rehome the fish

It was my old 10 gallon lol, I'm not buying my own tank again

I'll see if I can't rehome the goldfish and cory in secret, if nothing else. The minnows, although at improper temperature, are fine, and the pleco is currently under an inch.

 

That's really sad, I would suggest doing water changes without anyone knowing but that might just make her think that since her fish are fine they are happy. Give her some links like that INJAF site, and proper care for all her varying fish. Why exactly a 22 year old person would be too stubborn to listen to advice that's meant well is beyond me. Good luck, hopefully you can save those fish!

 

If it was my old tank, I think I'd go lower the water level to where I could safely pick that sucker up and return it back to my room and set it up properly again.. and then wonder how long it would take for her to notice Hehe

 

That's really sad, I would suggest doing water changes without anyone knowing but that might just make her think that since her fish are fine they are happy. Give her some links like that INJAF site, and proper care for all her varying fish. Why exactly a 22 year old person would be too stubborn to listen to advice that's meant well is beyond me. Good luck, hopefully you can save those fish!

Trust me, she's too proud and stubborn to take any of that advice.

And not only will the tank not fit in my room (I replaced it's spot with my 46 gallon), but it's the first thing you see when you walk in through the front door. Thanks for the suggestion though lol

 

How her fish have survived at all in a tank like that, with those levels, amaze me. Fish are so resilient, how long has she had this tank? Does she just want it to see all the fish? Why is she so persistent on not letting you do maintenance, I mean it's less work for her.

 

If this was a dog, she could have gotten arrested of dog abuse. Good thing you sister isn't arrested because there isn't a law for fish abuse.

 

How her fish have survived at all in a tank like that, with those levels, amaze me. Fish are so resilient, how long has she had this tank? Does she just want it to see all the fish? Why is she so persistent on not letting you do maintenance, I mean it's less work for her.

The tank is only a week old. She WAS keeping them in a 5 gallon that was several months (maybe a year) old. No water changes, no water conditioner, no gravel vacuuming, threw away filter pads after a month or so, and deep cleaned the tank maybe 2 or 3 times. Her stock at the time was a betta (which died), 4 white cloud minnows, and the cory. The goldfish and pleco were recent additions after her "upgrade". What makes me even more upset is her minnows even had fry in those conditions! She ended up killing them while cleaning the tank.

She's literally that proud and stubborn. I can't make heads or tales of it.

 

No conditioner? How does the fish survive with chlorine? Cories need to be groups of 6.

 

No conditioner? How does the fish survive with chlorine? Cories need to be groups of 6.

We have natural well water, free of chlorine and chloramine. It's a blessing to have clean, tasty water straight from the tap. Honestly it's the long-term ammonia exposure that gets me, I'm surprised they've survived virtually unscathed (superficially, anyway).

I told her if she just had to get more fish then to get at least 2 more corys instead of the goldfish or pleco, so her current one would have SOME company and be less stressed. No good.

 

It really is a blessing.

 

I have well water too, though I use Prime still though.. only take care of any heavy metals that may be in it and I also like the other benefits of prime.

 

No conditioner? How does the fish survive with chlorine? Cories need to be groups of 6.

I had a goldfish live for years with untreated tap water when I was a kid. And even then, the only reason it died was from something entirely else that was non water related. I guess some fish are just more resilient than others.

I kind of agree with someone that mentioned to let her deal with the consequences, even if she doesn't care, but at the time I thought you two were just kids. If there is still really nothing you can do, then just forget about it. I know it sounds heartless, but seems like you're stalling the inevitable.

 

Have you tested the pH? Perhaps that's dropped and the ammonia is actually in the form of ammonium.

 

that is so cruel

 

Ugh. Some people. I hope you can rehome them or take the tank! She is way too old to be neglecting her fish like that. I'm thirteen, and I take care of nine tanks, most of them from people that were too stubborn to look up proper fish care. It's just all too common! Good luck.

 

22 year old Clinical Pharmacy major, Junior year of school. I'm currently living at home as I finish up my last 2 semesters of college (majoring in Network Systems Implementation).

Holy fish detritus! Sorry about my "trusted adult" comment earlier, but the way you were talking about her, I was figuring she was 13 years old, tops! I don't know what to suggest, now... if she's a pharmacy major, I would assume that she would understand basic chemistry, but maybe I'd be making a donkey's butt out of myself...

Ugh. Some people. I hope you can rehome them or take the tank! She is way too old to be neglecting her fish like that. I'm thirteen, and I take care of nine tanks, most of them from people that were too stubborn to look up proper fish care. It's just all too common! Good luck.

Whoops, sorry, I didn't mean any insult to the 13 year olds on the forum - you sound awesome! I hope these folks are paying you!!

 

Rehome the real fish, replace them with fake fish (like this: ), then sit back and see how long it takes her to notice...