Friendship Gone Wrong, Thoughts?

I know this is a real odd place to ask for some opinions, haha, but, I'm dying for some.

Basically, I have a question for all of you, so I'm gonna feed you some of the small backstory.
Months ago, I had lost a friendship with one of my good friends. We were friends for about two-three years, after we had met in class. We had become better friends though rather than just the "hI and bye" and we only talk during class type friends during the second year.

A couple months back, our friendship hit the fan after a load of issues (lot's of immature drama, but it wasn't regarding ME.) Our group of 7 had fell apart due to the drama revolving everyone..

Now, a week ago.. One of the girl's in our group had re-connected with the friend I have issues (they were always the closest with each other.) After some he-said .. she-said going on, I learnt that ex-friend let's refer her to as "Kindy" had a lot of things to say about me. One of them was, that I talk horribly about a lot of people, which is extremely untrue.

The second one was, she didn't like the fact that I sent her a Taylor Swift song (Look What You Made Me Do.) As soon as it came out. As she personally felt "attacked" ... Which is extremely untrue, as I am a huge Taylor Swift fan, and I sent that song to everyone on my Snapchat, not just her, as a celebration snap of music from Taylor after 2 years hiatus.

Anyways. The friend "Kindy" use to tell me things like; "I hope we stay friends forever after high school." And even things like; "I value you a lot as a friend." Another one of her comments, where from what I believe; "You're one of my close friends. After HS, I am going to weed out my fake friends, and keep a group of my real friends close, you're one of them." (I can't remember if she said that though.)

So, what I'm wondering is, despite her strongly hating on me, and talking bad about me to people... Does she still truly value me as one of her real, good friends? And is strongly bothered by the fact that I don't speak to her anymore?

She once had told somebody that she cries when she's angry. And from what I learnt from the he said she said talk, I learnt that her parents aren't happy that she's friends again with one of our group members as her parents said we "abused her" which is borderline untrue.

Personally, I feel as if I "impacted" her in a way, to where, all this anger she is pulling on me and using me as a scapegoat is because she is choked at me because, she valued me as a real friend, and probably cried over me. She also had blocked me and my other friends off every social media platform... Literally.

Or, do you guys think, she just generally has a hatred for me after all the drama, and doesn't care, and is just using me as a scapegoat, to play victI'm because her friend she originally lost has come back into the palm of her hands?

Sorry this is so long, and sorry for venting my friendship trouble to you guys... I just can't wrap my mind around it.

 

Sorry to hear you're going through all this, with a group of seven it's gotta be hectic. She could be stirring up more drama just to get a reaction or she could have not really been a friend, who knows. But I'm curious about the borderline "abuse" part though, I don't want to invade your privacy or anything, it just caught my attention. I do hope it all works out in the end, I've dropped contact with a lot of high school friends. The only person who I think will never leave me and I will never leave her is from fifth grade...we've been friends for almost nine years. We've had a lot of bickering and a few big fights but we apologize, what helps us a lot is to just vent about each other to one another. I tell her things I don't like about her and vice versa. I think it helps people understand each other more.
I'm not sure of any of this was actually helpful or not lol but I do wish the best for you and the people involved.

 

What I would advise is reading about the subject of friendship and becoming better informed and able to handle it.

 

Sorry to hear you're going through all this, with a group of seven it's gotta be hectic. She could be stirring up more drama just to get a reaction or she could have not really been a friend, who knows. But I'm curious about the borderline "abuse" part though, I don't want to invade your privacy or anything, it just caught my attention. I do hope it all works out in the end, I've dropped contact with a lot of high school friends. The only person who I think will never leave me and I will never leave her is from fifth grade...we've been friends for almost nine years. We've had a lot of bickering and a few big fights but we apologize, what helps us a lot is to just vent about each other to one another. I tell her things I don't like about her and vice versa. I think it helps people understand each other more.
I'm not sure of any of this was actually helpful or not lol but I do wish the best for you and the people involved.

Thanks. You aren't invading my privacy. I actually do not know where the idea of 'abuse' is coming from. We didn't physically abuse her, ever. Nor, did we do anything bad to her. We didn't verbally abuse her either. Nor, did I ever manipulate her.

We were all just (we are young.) A tight bunch, who would hang out, and watch movies, or eat tacos while all laughing over stupid things while watching a Zac Efron film, type scenario.

Basically, what ended up happening is, one of the friends, let's name her "Apple" who was the closest friend to "Kindy" had decided to replace Kindy, with another group member. Kindy, use to go on about how that upset her, etc. Because, she felt "abandoned" and "replaced." It then escalated to some beach nonsense happening (I wasn't even there.) Where two of my friends, one of them being Apple had left Kindy with her other group of friends because they felt uncomfortable, and one of Kindy's friend's not liking Apple, giving her the hawk eye dirty looks, so they left feeling uncomfortable. Kindy was borderline mad, and then she left GC.

Strike two, was the Taylor Swift song, I sent her "Look What You Made Me Do." And she thought I was calling her out? I guess, and blocked me and everyone else. She also thought a social media post (not written by me but one of the other group members.) Was calling her out as a fake friend, which is also untrue.

She was the type of friend though, that likes to be the center of attention, as in, she doesn't do stupid things to get it, but, more so, likes having friend's chase after her and on their knees for her. In our group she use to flake out on us, ditch us a lot, so, we would stop inviting her to do things with us, there was two times I would purposely be like; "Hey, let's all go to ____" without inviting her, and she'd get mad. But, I only did that twice. She had another group of large friends, who controlled her, so I believe they were part of the influence.

She use to come me talking badly about those other group of friends, and would act as if (and talk as if) they were a burden to her. Yet, she tells me, I am the one who talks negatively about people too much, which I cannot comprehend as she went on saying she hates this person, and none of her friends will ever speak to them.

I too, cannot understand the abuse comment. She was one of my good friends, I treated her like a good friend, that's why, I can't wrap my mind around it. She mad at my other friends as to why she left, but, now they're all putting the blame on me? And even having her parents state we were abusive, but how?

It seems to me, she is just borderline mad that she lost me as a friend, to where they're using me as the scapegoat. Apple is mad at me as well (which is why her and Kindy have a lot to talk about.) Cause I didn't attend Apple's event for her own sake.

I always assumed she was a fake friend too, as to why she use to ditch me. There'd be times where I'd be out with her and as soon as Apple showed up (the only friend she seemed to care about.) She would drop her topic with me and ignore me to the point where I had to wander off in the mall, by myself, because I couldn't get into the convo.

 

The only person who I think will never leave me and I will never leave her is from fifth grade...we've been friends for almost nine years. We've had a lot of bickering and a few big fights but we apologize, what helps us a lot is to just vent about each other to one another. I tell her things I don't like about her and vice versa. I think it helps people understand each other more.
I'm not sure of any of this was actually helpful or not lol but I do wish the best for you and the people involved.

By the way, I do have a friend like that we've been friends for the same amount of time. I'm one of those very honest people, and have a tendency to spew my opinion, which makes people think I'm judgmental, but I am completely the opposite, I'm just a teddy bear at heart, I just tell the truth, rather than fake bait people, which people hate. Kindy was one of those people who actually liked that I was honest, and said if anything I've done bothered her, she would confront me because she's not scared to confront people. Yet, she never confronted me.

But, yeah, I have been in big fights like that too, I always apologize, and sit people down, and work things out.

I was debating on doing that with "Kindy" -- but, if they really do hate me, I guess it's just best to leave Apple and Kindy alone, and let them be happy, as it sounds like I'm the toxicity they cannot stand.

 

Yeah it sounds like a lot of drama that you don't need. If it were me, I would drop all contact with them and get them out of my life. You need to get some healthy people in your life...or more fish lol. If you can salvage some of the other friends, like if there was a true to face person in the group, then do it. They'll be the person who might be able to relate to some of this, if not, I wouldn't say a word to them and focus on other things, that's just me though. (Always scared when I give advice it's gonna get worse than what it is...so...please take my words with a grain of salt lol)

It is good that you have a close friend like that though, I think everyone needs a brother/sister from another mother/mister lol. It's a person you can tell anything to and talk about literally anything and they'd be OK with it...after a while at least, if you're weird like me lol.

 

Yeah it sounds like a lot of drama that you don't need. If it were me, I would drop all contact with them and get them out of my life. You need to get some healthy people in your life...or more fish lol. If you can salvage some of the other friends, like if there was a true to face person in the group, then do it. They'll be the person who might be able to relate to some of this, if not, I wouldn't say a word to them and focus on other things, that's just me though. (Always scared when I give advice it's gonna get worse than what it is...so...please take my words with a grain of salt lol)

Thanks, that's what I've been thinking of doing, and many people have told me they're bad news. I think I'm gonna stick with what you said. I salvaged two friends that are real from the group, and leave the rest and move on.

"Apple" was the type of friend who actually made fun of me for actually keeping fish, and me wanting to start an aquatic plant business for the love of the hobby, not for profit. She would continuously shade me, and say that's not a real job, and just a bunch of other stuff. The whole thing is really immature and messy. I almost gave up my fish hobby because of the negativity comments from her. I never understood why there was a need to hate something I was passionate about. What is wrong with fish? I love my bettas, and my cory's... I had a pretty successful YT channel going once upon a time too, and she hated that too.

I'm actually thankful for your advice, it's correct and the best clean mature route to go -- my friends tend to focus on themselves, so they don't care to hear it, so they don't care if I were to spill. They just turn it about themselves. I really do need new friends, so I'm for sure going to drop them. Nobody should make someone feel bad about something they love.

I'm 18, and way too old for this nonsense. I just can't keep bending my back for people when they're just going to break it.

 

Oof, I feel you. I'm 19 and I can't have a ton of drama in college lol that's why I have one best friend and everyone else is acquaintances. One way how I can tell an genuine person from a fake is if they at least act interested in what you love. I know a lot of people get annoyed with how much I love my betta boy, but we all laugh it off and joke about it. If people want to be your friend, they won't judge what you love harshly and take it to the point of you wanting to give up.
I'm happy I could help, it sounds like other people have too.

 

Oof, I feel you. I'm 19 and I can't have a ton of drama in college lol that's why I have one best friend and everyone else is acquaintances. One way how I can tell an genuine person from a fake is if they at least act interested in what you love. I know a lot of people get annoyed with how much I love my betta boy, but we all laugh it off and joke about it. If people want to be your friend, they won't judge what you love harshly and take it to the point of you wanting to give up.
I'm happy I could help, it sounds like other people have too.

That's actually really true. I never had issues telling fake friends from real, but this time, I stupidly decided to blindside myself, because I'm genuinely very nice, and felt bad.

Kindy was actually one of those who acted fake interested in things I liked -- I guess I must've really hurt her bad some way. I think, down the road, a month or two from now, I will clear the air for her, not seeking for friendship, or even giving an apology, but to clear the air, and just walk away.

But thanks again. Glad you got no drama in College, it's too stressful

 

Life is hard enough without people manufacturing drama in it. I am .. not in my teens < >, but I will tell you my experience based on going through that era. When I grew up ... REALLY grew up ... I no longer was connected to any of the friends from high school. We had different interests and lives after going to college, getting married, having children.

I know it's very difficult now, but do know ... it does get better and I would focus on having a few good friends and just let go of the others. It shouldn't be a JOB to keep a friend.

 

I'm sorry your going through this, ive also had something similar but not quite happen although it went on since the first day I became "friends" with that group. we would only talk or hangout during school and whenever we made plans to hangout outside of school it was either awkward or no one would show up. I never really fit in with them, constantly ignored, never invited to birthdays and no one would show up for my birthdays, etc. I really felt horrible while I was friends with them but in hs I made actually friends while my old "friends" just ditched me like I was nothing.
personally I would just leave them because you shouldnt be friends with people like that, it will just bring more pain then happiness and make new friends who will actually care about you and your happiness

 

I'm sorry your going through this, ive also had something similar but not quite happen although it went on since the first day I became "friends" with that group. we would only talk or hangout during school and whenever we made plans to hangout outside of school it was either awkward or no one would show up. I never really fit in with them, constantly ignored, never invited to birthdays and no one would show up for my birthdays, etc. I really felt horrible while I was friends with them but in hs I made actually friends while my old "friends" just ditched me like I was nothing.
personally I would just leave them because you shouldnt be friends with people like that, it will just bring more pain then happiness and make new friends who will actually care about you and your happiness

Thank you, you're so right. It really doesn't feel good being ditched over and over either.