Fish Jokes :o)

Isabella

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I found some pretty funny fish jokes on the Internet. Thought I'd share them with you. Have a good laugh! ;D

If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.

Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.

What fish are musical?
Tuna fish.

What fish is most valuable?
A Goldfish.

Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
They have their own scales.

What's the easiest way to catch fish?
Have someone throw it at you.

What kind of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked.
 

dahly

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Two buddies are out on a lake fishing. One just got a job as a fish and game warden and they were celebrating with this outing. After a couple of hours of nothing caught, barely even a nibble, one friend opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it, and tosses it into the lake. KABOOM! Quite a number of fish float to the top and are gathered up. The newly minted warden say's "you can't do that, it's illegal!" His friend pulls out anther stick of Dynamite, lights it and hands it to his warden friend and says, "Are you gonna yap or fish?"
 

rob2uk

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Sorry to drag up an old thread, but...

Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon!

Where do little fishes go every morning?
To plaice school!

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A motor pike!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!

1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'

What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?
Skate!

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab!

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!

Also, fishy song titles:

Sea Eeled With A Kiss
Sealed With A Kiss
Mister Sand Dab
That's a Moray
Clam Every Mountain
A Barracuda Beautiful
It Haddock Be You
Sturgeon, Sturgeon For My Baby
I Need Kelp
When You Fish Upon A Star
When You Wish Upon A Starfish
Shark! the Herald Angels Sing
Fiddler Crab On The Roof
I Loves You, Porgy
You Walrus Hurt The One You Love
Sole Train
Heart And Sole
Carp and Sole
Bernie's Tuna
Blue Monkfish
Zing! Went the Strings of My Carp
My Foolish Carp
Salmon Janet Evening
Nearer My Cod To Thee
This ScampI Love
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat
Oyster Parade
MahI Old Flame
MahI Romance
Starfishdust
It Could Salmon to You
Kipper Out Of Mischief Now
Whale Or When
I Cod Have Danced All Night
If I Cod Be With You
(Theme from) Goldfishger
In The Eel Small Hours Of The Morning
The Lobster Mash
I Crab Get Started With You
Crab We Talk It Over?
I Get The Bluefish When It Rains
Ray In, Ray Out
Dancing In The Shark
Blue Monkfish
The White Cliffs Of Dover Sole
One For Bassie
Prawn The Alamo
Mackerel The Knife
I Know That Minnow
Mackerel In My Own Backyard
Dan Barrett added these:
Mackeral Sal
A Cod, Aged, For Sale
I’m Gonna Wash That Catfish Right Outta My Hair
Give Me the Shrimper Life
Deep Porpoise
Underneath the Manatee
This ScampI Love
Oyster the Sun
I Flounder New Baby
Boogie Woogie Bluegill Boy
Gill Wind (Eel Wind)
Craberet
Mr. Salmon
Body and Sole
Song From Marlin Rouge
It Happened in Manta Ray
Blowfish in the Wind
A Fugu Day
(Great) White Christmas
I’ve Got a Filet I’m Falling
The Eyes and Eels of the World
Stingray to Heaven
Stingray to the Stars
Last Night on the Back Perch
SwI'm Bladder Loves Me
Starfish Fell on Alabama
CalamarI Moon
Shellfish Bridge
The Impossible Bream
Once in a Whale
Ship Without a Snail
Ain’t Gonn Give Nobody None O’ My Jellyfish
Kiss Me, Skate
Now I Filet Me Down To Sleep
I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Skate
I Filet a Song Comin’ On
Big Snapper and Egg Man
Red Snails in the Sunset
I Guess I’ll Have to Change My Plankton
Lobster, Come Back to Me
Since I Smelt For You
I Never Smelt This Way Before
Lumpfish Is a Many Splendored Thing
Thanks For the Manta Rays
I Fish You Love
I Fished on the Moon
A Dream Is a Fish Your Carp Makes
I’ll Be Loving You, Walrus
Mako the Man Love Me
Japanese Sandab
Sky Shark
Lox Lomond
Mahi’s Makin’ Eyes at Me
I’ve Got the World on a Stingray
Everybody Loves SwI'm Bladder Sometimes
I’m Not Roughy
Gill of My Dreams
Octopus One
Let Me Call You Sweet Carp
 
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Isabella

Isabella

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Thanks everyone for sharing some cool jokes ;D
 

0morrokh

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This is so funny! That game warden joke is one of my favorite jokes EVER!
;D ;D
 

Stradius011

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Isabella said:
I found some pretty funny fish jokes on the Internet. Thought I'd share them with you. Have a good laugh! ;D

If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.

Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.

What fish are musical?
Tuna fish.

What fish is most valuable?
A Goldfish.

Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
They have their own scales.

What's the easiest way to catch fish?
Have someone throw it at you.

What kind of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked.
Lol!
 

skippi

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Those are cute jokes. That was a good idea to start this thread. Good for our health... LAughter...

Heidi
 

0morrokh

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Yess good point...laughter is good for your health...and fish are good for your health...so laughter about fish must be REALLY good for you!! ;D
 

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