Fish Jokes :o)

  1. Isabella Fishlore VIP Member

    I found some pretty funny fish jokes on the Internet. Thought I'd share them with you. Have a good laugh! ;D

    If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
    Finland.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Fsh.

    How do you stop a fish from smelling?
    Cut its nose off.

    What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
    I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

    Why are fish so smart?
    Because they live in schools.

    Where do fish keep their money?
    In the river bank.

    What fish are musical?
    Tuna fish.

    What fish is most valuable?
    A Goldfish.

    Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
    They have their own scales.

    What's the easiest way to catch fish?
    Have someone throw it at you.

    What kind of money do fishermen make?
    Net profits!

    Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
    Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

    A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
    The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
    "Pet fish?" the warden replied.
    "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
    "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
    The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
    "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
    The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
    "Well, What?" the man responded.
    "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
    "Call who back?" the man asked.
    "The FISH."
    "What fish?" the man asked.
     
  2. Butterfly Moderator Moderator Member

    Love this one.
    Carol
     

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  3. Craig Well Known Member Member

    ahhhhhhhhh that was sum funny stuff!!!!!!!

    C W :D :D :D :D
     
  4. dahly Member Member

    Two buddies are out on a lake fishing. One just got a job as a fish and game warden and they were celebrating with this outing. After a couple of hours of nothing caught, barely even a nibble, one friend opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it, and tosses it into the lake. KABOOM! Quite a number of fish float to the top and are gathered up. The newly minted warden say's "you can't do that, it's illegal!" His friend pulls out anther stick of Dynamite, lights it and hands it to his warden friend and says, "Are you gonna yap or fish?"
     

  5. rob2uk Member Member

    Sorry to drag up an old thread, but...

    Which fish can perform operations?
    A Sturgeon!

    Where do little fishes go every morning?
    To plaice school!

    What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
    A motor pike!

    How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
    He prawned everything!

    1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
    2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'

    What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?
    Skate!

    What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
    A hermit crab!

    What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
    As far away as possible!

    Why did the whale cross the road?
    To get to the other tide!

    Also, fishy song titles:

    Sea Eeled With A Kiss
    Sealed With A Kiss
    Mister Sand Dab
    That's a Moray
    Clam Every Mountain
    A Barracuda Beautiful
    It Haddock Be You
    Sturgeon, Sturgeon For My Baby
    I Need Kelp
    When You Fish Upon A Star
    When You Wish Upon A Starfish
    Shark! the Herald Angels Sing
    Fiddler Crab On The Roof
    I Loves You, Porgy
    You Walrus Hurt The One You Love
    Sole Train
    Heart And Sole
    Carp and Sole
    Bernie's Tuna
    Blue Monkfish
    Zing! Went the Strings of My Carp
    My Foolish Carp
    Salmon Janet Evening
    Nearer My Cod To Thee
    This Scampi Love
    Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat
    Oyster Parade
    Mahi Old Flame
    Mahi Romance
    Starfishdust
    It Could Salmon to You
    Kipper Out Of Mischief Now
    Whale Or When
    I Cod Have Danced All Night
    If I Cod Be With You
    (Theme from) Goldfishger
    In The Eel Small Hours Of The Morning
    The Lobster Mash
    I Crab Get Started With You
    Crab We Talk It Over?
    I Get The Bluefish When It Rains
    Ray In, Ray Out
    Dancing In The Shark
    Blue Monkfish
    The White Cliffs Of Dover Sole
    One For Bassie
    Prawn The Alamo
    Mackerel The Knife
    I Know That Minnow
    Mackerel In My Own Backyard
    Dan Barrett added these:
    Mackeral Sal
    A Cod, Aged, For Sale
    I’m Gonna Wash That Catfish Right Outta My Hair
    Give Me the Shrimper Life
    Deep Porpoise
    Underneath the Manatee
    This Scampi Love
    Oyster the Sun
    I Flounder New Baby
    Boogie Woogie Bluegill Boy
    Gill Wind (Eel Wind)
    Craberet
    Mr. Salmon
    Body and Sole
    Song From Marlin Rouge
    It Happened in Manta Ray
    Blowfish in the Wind
    A Fugu Day
    (Great) White Christmas
    I’ve Got a Filet I’m Falling
    The Eyes and Eels of the World
    Stingray to Heaven
    Stingray to the Stars
    Last Night on the Back Perch
    Swim Bladder Loves Me
    Starfish Fell on Alabama
    Calamari Moon
    Shellfish Bridge
    The Impossible Bream
    Once in a Whale
    Ship Without a Snail
    Ain’t Gonn Give Nobody None O’ My Jellyfish
    Kiss Me, Skate
    Now I Filet Me Down To Sleep
    I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Skate
    I Filet a Song Comin’ On
    Big Snapper and Egg Man
    Red Snails in the Sunset
    I Guess I’ll Have to Change My Plankton
    Lobster, Come Back to Me
    Since I Smelt For You
    I Never Smelt This Way Before
    Lumpfish Is a Many Splendored Thing
    Thanks For the Manta Rays
    I Fish You Love
    I Fished on the Moon
    A Dream Is a Fish Your Carp Makes
    I’ll Be Loving You, Walrus
    Mako the Man Love Me
    Japanese Sandab
    Sky Shark
    Lox Lomond
    Mahi’s Makin’ Eyes at Me
    I’ve Got the World on a Stingray
    Everybody Loves Swim Bladder Sometimes
    I’m Not Roughy
    Gill of My Dreams
    Octopus One
    Let Me Call You Sweet Carp
     
  6. Butterfly Moderator Moderator Member

    Oh those are hilarious!!!
    Carol
     
  7. Isabella Fishlore VIP Member

    Thanks everyone for sharing some cool jokes ;D
     

  8. newbie101 Well Known Member Member

    hehehe
     
  9. Jon Well Known Member Member

    lol i like the buckets of fish / game warden one
     
  10. 0morrokh Fishlore VIP Member

    This is so funny! That game warden joke is one of my favorite jokes EVER!
    ;D ;D :D :D
     

  11. Stradius011 Well Known Member Member

    Lol! :)
     
  12. Jmarcus Member Member

    Thanks they were all good jokes lol.
     
  13. skippi Member Member

    Those are cute jokes. That was a good idea to start this thread. Good for our health... LAughter...

    Heidi
     
  14. 0morrokh Fishlore VIP Member

    Yess good point...laughter is good for your health...and fish are good for your health...so laughter about fish must be REALLY good for you!! ;D