Convincing My Dad To Let Me Upgrade

Seahorse man
  • #1
I'll try to make this short/ish. My parents are divorced, and my mom has been really supportive of my new hobby. My dad, not so much. I used to have 4 tanks at his house. (55 Gallon reef in progress, 2 10 gallon freshwater juvenile predator tank, and a 5 gallon saltwater qt) I recently had one of my predators jump ship and died on the floor, so I took down the tank and it is now my reef sump. My snails and hermit crabs in the qt were in there for 6 weeks, and are now in the reef in progress, so I took that down as well. So, I only have the two tanks, a 10 gallon freshwater and a 55 gallon reef. I found a 40 gallon for sale on Craigslist, and I asked him about it, and he said no and walked away. I told him I was going to need a bigger tank eventually when I got the spotted climbing perch ( the predator in the 10 gallon) but he didn't let me. I want to ask again, but I want to ask as politely and as convincingly as possible, what should I try? I won't go against his rules, but I feel bad for having a spotted climbing perch in that small of a tank as he grows. Thanks all!
 
75g Discus Tank
  • #2
Try to present try facts in a polite way. Also, try to show the urgency of this situation. If this doesn’t work, try to butter him up. Doing small, nice things can really make a difference.
 
Fashooga
  • #3
Can you maybe move your stuff to your moms? If she supportive of your hobby maybe she be ok with you having your fish with her.
 
Seahorse man
  • Thread Starter
  • #4
Can you maybe move your stuff to your moms? If she supportive of your hobby maybe she be ok with you having your fish with her.
No way, she lives in a tiny apartment and I already have a 45 gallon reef tank and a 10 gallon baby bullhead catfish tank over there.
 
Demeter
  • #5
Best bet is to do some researching and show your dad the tank requirements for the fish. Also, remind him that fish keeping is a better hobby than drugs, drinking, etc.

If it doesn't pan out, just keep in mind that your dad is the one paying the electric bills. I really want to set up a 75gal and put it where my 20 and 29gal are, but that would mean more tanks, more electricity, and higher bills that my parents have to pay Plus doing 50% water changes in a basement w/o a faucet means many more 5gal buckets of water up and down the stairs.
 
Hunter1
  • #6
Ask what you can do for him in return for him allowing you to add the new tank.

And do it before you get the tank.
 
goldface
  • #7
Honestly, you have it made: two reef tanks, a 55 and 45 gallon, and two 10 gallon freshwater tanks. My parents would never have indulged me like that. I don’t know what else to tell you. People have already gave you some advice. I’m thirty and have my own place, but I couldn’t even do that if I wanted to.
 
BReefer97
  • #8
My boyfriend and I live with his parents and we used to have the same types of issues. We deal more in reptiles so they weren’t too happy with the tank sizes required for most of our animals (such as our blue tongue skink and panther chameleon), but once we started getting them more involved with the fish tanks and reptiles, they became more open to the idea of getting more/larger enclosures. Now my boyfriends mom is absolutely in love with our dozens of geckos and especially adores the chameleon. Maybe try finding a type of fish your father would enjoy seeing in a new tank and get him more interested in the hobby!
 
NineBreaker
  • #9
Honestly, you have it made: two reef tanks, a 55 and 45 gallon, and two 10 gallon freshwater tanks. My parents would never have indulged me like that. I don’t know what else to tell you. People have already gave you some advice. I’m thirty and have my own place, but I couldn’t even do that if I wanted to.

I am in the exact same position as you man. I have a 30G and that's all I can afford in terms of time and money. I got bills to pay and although getting more tanks is "nice", often people have to get by on what they can afford. A kid who has 4 tanks (reefs at that... I can't afford a reef... corals be pricey yo) and not paying for any? My parents were nice enough to let me get 2 fish in a goldfish bowl when I was a kid....

Remember, fish are a luxury, not a necessity. Unless you need a larger tank for a real good reason, don't press it! Some parents will push back on the # of tanks as most people outside the hobby see 1 or 2 tanks as reasonable.
 
Marco Rodriguez
  • #10
Hi, I had a similar issue with my parents (I’m 18) I convinced them that if I could do it without taking up much more room and if I could do it for cheap and pay for it myself they let me. So I sold the tanks I had taken down and the equipment and made just enough to upgrade tanks quite a bit. Might work on ur dad too?
 
Seahorse man
  • Thread Starter
  • #11
Hi, I had a similar issue with my parents (I’m 18) I convinced them that if I could do it without taking up much more room and if I could do it for cheap and pay for it myself they let me. So I sold the tanks I had taken down and the equipment and made just enough to upgrade tanks quite a bit. Might work on ur dad too?
I've been selling off my small equipment and slowly upgrading. I have a good job, so I pay for it all (except for electricity). I'm not complaining, just looking for tips to be politely persuasive.
 
Marco Rodriguez
  • #12
Hahaa gotcha. That’s just how I convinced my parents. They said no until they realized id be getting rid of the other tanks. I told them I wouldn’t take up any more room and I wouldn’t be spending any $
 
danhutchins
  • #13
I'm 33 and can't do more than a 55 in my place. You have it made kid. You said that you would need a bigger tank when you get the larger fish? Why not just get something smaller instead. I know lots of fish I wish I could have but they would get to large for the 55 so I just keep what I get small so I don't have to upgrade. I also used to have a 120 in the basement but 5 gallon buckets up and down the stairs got to be to much on my back and hernia. I can understand where your dad is coming from and honestly if he didn't say no his house would be over run with fishtanks, it's what happens to people like us we can't get by with just 1 or 2 and eventually we have to many.
 
IHaveADogToo
  • #14
The fact he's even letting you keep 2 tanks right now, and did let you keep up to 4 previously.... he's already working with you on this.

Like others have said, if you can use the "I'm getting rid of other tanks to make room for this one" angle, you might have better luck. Throw in the fact that you already got rid of 2.

But if it's not parents, its something else. I'm 34 and the biggest tank I can have is 30 gallons. Not because I can't afford it, but because I live in an upstairs condominium, and the structure just can't support the weight of giant fish tanks.

What you need is a fish room.
 
FishGirl38
  • #15
HI friend, I'm 22 still living with mom and dad. I have 5 tanks. 4 of which are mine, and the 75G was my parents that they let me take over (after my mom stopped caring for it and let it ammonia bomb, she had 3 goldfish+ 20 types of tropicals in there and didn't do a w/c for 6months. I was woken up at 3 am to "April, you've somehow killed all of your mothers fish, get down here and clean the mess". So now it's my S/A cichlid tank. *aggressive head bob*.

The ONLY way they will let me bring another tank into this house, is if it is big enough to replace my 45G and my 75G.
I've raised my parents electric bill by about $200. AND....fish keeping is a great hobby and all, and I don't want to sound rude with this because I've done it too, and am kinda speaking from experience.....BUT...when you only have a 10G to house it in, you should not be buying bull head catfish and Spotted Perch, you know these fish are going to get much bigger than a 10G can supply for them...and without another tank to upgrade them into...You're left in a pinch.

I've done this with my 75G, when I took control I was too excited and over stocked it. Now I've got an Oscar who is twice the size as everything else (almost) and everyone is constantly at ends with one another. Because the tank isn't big enough for what I have and I'm left in a pinch because my parents would KILL me if I brought more tanks into the house and I don't have $700 for a new 135 set up. (someday...).

So, my advice to you...is to compromise with him....Try to find out exactly WHY he doesn't want you to have another tank (is it the maintenence, the electric bill, the space, etc.) and compromise. If there is anything you can take down/get rid of. Do it. I also agree with the whole 'buy a fish he's interested in to add to the new tank' idea. My father initially housed 2 oscar in the 75G I have now. They passed, the tank went into storage, then my mom pulled it out again when I got a job at the LFS (where my parents fish shop anyway). My father wanted to put it back into storage after my Mom let it crash, but I begged and begged and now it's mine. My father was uber grumpy about it and didn't want anything to do with my tank....until I added that darn oscar.

He feeds my fish now on occasion. . and actually enjoys it. So...yeah. that's a good idea.
 
snowballPLECO
  • #16
I wish I could have more tanks in my high rise lol. 800sqft highrise I only have a 55 gallon and a 125g. Saving up for a house so I can have a fish room. take what you can get my brotha

Best bet is to do some researching and show your dad the tank requirements for the fish. Also, remind him that fish keeping is a better hobby than drugs, drinking, etc.

If it doesn't pan out, just keep in mind that your dad is the one paying the electric bills. I really want to set up a 75gal and put it where my 20 and 29gal are, but that would mean more tanks, more electricity, and higher bills that my parents have to pay Plus doing 50% water changes in a basement w/o a faucet means many more 5gal buckets of water up and down the stairs.

Yeah, it’s better than doing drugs but just as expensive and addicting, he already has a lot of tanks lol
 
Seahorse man
  • Thread Starter
  • #17
HI friend, I'm 22 still living with mom and dad. I have 5 tanks. 4 of which are mine, and the 75G was my parents that they let me take over (after my mom stopped caring for it and let it ammonia bomb, she had 3 goldfish+ 20 types of tropicals in there and didn't do a w/c for 6months. I was woken up at 3 am to "April, you've somehow killed all of your mothers fish, get down here and clean the mess". So now it's my S/A cichlid tank. *aggressive head bob*.

The ONLY way they will let me bring another tank into this house, is if it is big enough to replace my 45G and my 75G.
I've raised my parents electric bill by about $200. AND....fish keeping is a great hobby and all, and I don't want to sound rude with this because I've done it too, and am kinda speaking from experience.....BUT...when you only have a 10G to house it in, you should not be buying bull head catfish and Spotted Perch, you know these fish are going to get much bigger than a 10G can supply for them...and without another tank to upgrade them into...You're left in a pinch.

I've done this with my 75G, when I took control I was too excited and over stocked it. Now I've got an Oscar who is twice the size as everything else (almost) and everyone is constantly at ends with one another. Because the tank isn't big enough for what I have and I'm left in a pinch because my parents would KILL me if I brought more tanks into the house and I don't have $700 for a new 135 set up. (someday...).

So, my advice to you...is to compromise with him....Try to find out exactly WHY he doesn't want you to have another tank (is it the maintenence, the electric bill, the space, etc.) and compromise. If there is anything you can take down/get rid of. Do it. I also agree with the whole 'buy a fish he's interested in to add to the new tank' idea. My father initially housed 2 oscar in the 75G I have now. They passed, the tank went into storage, then my mom pulled it out again when I got a job at the LFS (where my parents fish shop anyway). My father wanted to put it back into storage after my Mom let it crash, but I begged and begged and now it's mine. My father was uber grumpy about it and didn't want anything to do with my tank....until I added that darn oscar.

He feeds my fish now on occasion. . and actually enjoys it. So...yeah. that's a good idea.
The bullhead was actually a salvage fish. There is a river nearby that dries up every fall, and you can find Big Fish good enough to eat in puddles. The 1 inch Bullhead was in a puddle with about 3 cups of water. There is no where else to release her without doing something extremely illegal, ie throwing it in a completely different river system. I had an extra 10 gallon at home so I just threw it in there. She's about 3 inches long now.

And when I got the leaf fish, my friend had it in a 3.5 gallon tank and was going to flush it, so I got it from him. I asked my dad before I brought it home and carefully explained how big it was going to get and that it will need at least a 40, and he agreed, so that's why I'm trying to get this tank.
 
DuaneV
  • #18
You're lucky. Truth is, none of my friends were allowed to have fish. I had a room full of them, and theyd always tell their parents and they were like, "So go look at Duane's!". Its the same with my son now. We have tons of tanks all over the house and his friends are super jealous.

Your dad already allows a lot. Be thankful and when you have your own place you can have more.
 
Seahorse man
  • Thread Starter
  • #19
You're lucky. Truth is, none of my friends were allowed to have fish. I had a room full of them, and theyd always tell their parents and they were like, "So go look at Duane's!". Its the same with my son now. We have tons of tanks all over the house and his friends are super jealous.

Your dad already allows a lot. Be thankful and when you have your own place you can have more.
I'm sorry, but you're not getting the point of this thread. I realize this and am very thankful of what I have. What I was asking for is merely tips on how to be polite yet persuasive.
 
Preston Landolt
  • #20
I know that this will not help your situation, but I’m just curious about what was in your five gallon
 
Seahorse man
  • Thread Starter
  • #21
I know that this will not help your situation, but I’m just curious about what was in your five gallon
Let's see,
8 blue legged hermit crabs, 12 trochus snails, and one mexican turbo snail
The 5 gallon was just a QT for my reef.
 
wrs2
  • #22
The fact that yours even let you have those tanks means you are lucky haha. My dad got rid of mine when I was at school (when I was a kid) because he said I was too old for them and that I needed to outgrow the hobby! He's my landlord and lost it that I have a couple nano tanks in the house now, so just be happy with what you've got! If he said no,just leave it as no! As a person who works with kids, i.e a teacher, there is nothing that bothers me more and makes me stand my ground as when I say no and the students keep asking.
 
Seahorse man
  • Thread Starter
  • #23
The fact that yours even let you have those tanks means you are lucky haha. My dad got rid of mine when I was at school (when I was a kid) because he said I was too old for them and that I needed to outgrow the hobby! He's my landlord and lost it that I have a couple nano tanks in the house now, so just be happy with what you've got! If he said no,just leave it as no! As a person who works with kids, i.e a teacher, there is nothing that bothers me more and makes me stand my ground as when I say no and the students keep asking.
True, when kids at my school keep asking for ridiculous things, it bothers me because they are so rude. I would much rather lay out the facts in a clean, concise matter to get my point across rather than blindly argueing if there is a completly valid reason he won't let me get the tank, I will fully respect his wishes.
 
Meeko2690
  • #24
Also, remind him that fish keeping is a better hobby than drugs, drinking, etc.



Not so sure about that
 
FishGirl38
  • #25
The bullhead was actually a salvage fish. There is a river nearby that dries up every fall, and you can find Big Fish good enough to eat in puddles. The 1 inch Bullhead was in a puddle with about 3 cups of water. There is no where else to release her without doing something extremely illegal, ie throwing it in a completely different river system. I had an extra 10 gallon at home so I just threw it in there. She's about 3 inches long now.

And when I got the leaf fish, my friend had it in a 3.5 gallon tank and was going to flush it, so I got it from him. I asked my dad before I brought it home and carefully explained how big it was going to get and that it will need at least a 40, and he agreed, so that's why I'm trying to get this tank.

This is all so sad. I'm happy you have a kind heart and they were rescue situations, but that's quite a pickle to be in. It would be in everyone's best interest if you got that upgrade. :/. I hope he lets you go through with it.
 

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