All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go...

Rbacchiega
  • #1
....I'm standing here, outside your door. I'd hate to wake you up to say goodbye.... So I won't.

Thanks again to everyone for helping me out last week. As the title of this thread suggests, I've packed my things and am starting to move out tomorrow. The tanks will be the last thing to move out of here as I've got to borrow my dad and my brother (and, to be honest, their trucks).

And guess where Dennis is....(drinking!) So, he'll call a cab and come home, and all my stuff will be at the door and he'll wake up and the dog and I will be gone!

This is actually the most at ease I've been in a while. I'm more relaxed now than I have been for quite some time. I'm making the right decision.
 
Mike
  • #2
Good luck to you RB - and be strong.
 
Cody
  • #3
I haven't been on a whole lot latly so I got up to date and I say good for you and good luck
 
AggieYen
  • #4
We're proud of you, RB.. we're all pulling for you - you're making the right decision.
 
TheEssigs
  • #5
Best wishes sweetie, take care! Be Strong, life awaits!
 
MissMTS
  • #6
Good luck RB and stay strong. My thoughts are with you
 
Lucy
  • #7
You've made the right decision, that's why you feel so at ease.
Best of luck to you.
 
Drea
  • #8
Alrighty then, take care...we all want the best for you, your fish, and puppy dog .....Hugs and Prayers I'm sending your way....... keep us posted, we want to be there for ya they only way we can...here
 
COBettaCouple
  • #9
Best of luck to you. Hope to hear from you again soon.
 
Rbacchiega
  • Thread Starter
  • #10
I moved out all last night and only have a little bit left to do today...mainly the tanks. He asked me to stay this morning...I broke down and cried...alot. But I stood strong and told him that I couldn't stay. I said if he really, REALLY wanted to stay together we could try just not living together. We moved in with each other so fast it was bound to fail. And I told him that we both have to work hard if we want this. I know in my heart I do...and I hope he does, but I told him he drinks too much and alcoholism runs in his family (and mine too, which is why I really work hard on not drinking as much as I used to)... either way, we need to find a way to work this out for our dog. Dexter and I stayed at my mothers house last night and you can tell that he (the dog) knows something is wrong. He's a great cuddler, and an excellent listener, but he was looking for his "dad" all night and this morning when I left to finish moving stuff out. It's going to be a hard next few days..weeks, (months?). 4 year anniversary is in april...
 
TheEssigs
  • #11
RB... keep the faith kiddo...

the next few days and weeks will be the hardest, but, try not to cave... the dog will be fine, he is loved by you and he will adjust to the change... (you took care of him most of the time anyway)... its time you take care of you, don't settle... its easy to stay with what is comfortable, what's familiar... but its for the better, you deserve better.

as I said earlier, 99% of the time, people can't change... its not their fault, its what makes us people. We can alter our behavior for a while, but if its not truly in us to change or even want to change it will never work.

if you have to work hard to make it work now, who knows what troubles there will be in the future. You are a young woman, again - please don't settle... life is hard enough without adding more stress and unnecessary emotional hardship. You said that you guys had problems in the past and he said he would change, if he didnt then, its unlikey he will now... maybe he is upset now because you won't be there at his bidding, to use your car and have you clean the house and wash his clothes, and accept an occasional I love you... maybe deep down he knows no one else would put up with that.

take care of you now, worry about you and do for you... your friends and family will be there for support...

Take Care... wishing you all the best!
 
susitna-flower
  • #12
I've been gone for two days and just woke up to this.

First let me say, I am sorry Dennis didn't listen and make a change after the last time....that is alcohol. It calls with such an alluring song.........a love there is no greater!

He will have to get really at rock bottom before it is important in his own eyes to change. I am sure he has feelings for you. But that JUST ISN'T enough, and like others have said YOU are worth more.

The only way this situation would change is if he stops drinking, gets counseling, and goes to AA forever.....Then he can be a responsible partner in life with a real live woman!

I have seen enough on this forum, of you, to know you are intelligent, resourceful, hard working and will do very well. Your business with the tanks will grow, and if you keep up with that, you will find someone who loves it as much as you do, and doesn't have the bad side of alcohol to get in the way of a truly rewarding relationship.

Good Luck and stand firm....
 
outlaw
  • #13
I know nothing about you or him. I am sorry to hear that but like everyone says, it is for the better.

I have witnessed it first hand with my mom and her boyfriends/husbands since I was little. People can change.. they have to want to. My mom is an alcoholic too, she has no desire to quit, "AA is for quiters" as she says it. I had to witness all the drinking, drugs, fights, and of course the police. I don't know if you had to go through that with him and wish no on has to, especially children. Hope the best for you and your future even if it means you crying forever, at least you are safe and with people who actually care about you. Best wishes.
 
Ntruder1400
  • #14
Wishing you good luck RB! You moving out definitely improved your life, and maybe when Dennis realizes that alcohol caused him to lose you, it may set him straight. So, in a way, you leaving may eventually improve his life too. Don't cave in. Stick to your guns, and if you do keep seeing each other, make an alcohol-free life a stipulation. SF said it very well
that is alcohol. It calls with such an alluring song.........a love there is no greater!

He will have to get really at rock bottom before it is important in his own eyes to change. I am sure he has feelings for you. But that JUST ISN'T enough, and like others have said YOU are worth more.

The only way this situation would change is if he stops drinking, gets counseling, and goes to AA forever

Keep your chin up and good luck - what you did took ALOT of courage!!
 
Chief_waterchanger
  • #15
RB, I agree with the others, but again we only know you through the forum...

If nothing else, Ntruder was right. Your leaving him probably will, if not change his alcohol abuse problem, atleast be a stepping stone towards the road to rock bottom. If you go back now he -might- see it as he can keep the alcohol and still get what he wants, which is a step away from rock bottom and in turn usually a step away from sobriety.

Best of luck, and please, do keep us in the loop.
 
≈ D ≈
  • #16
We're right behind you girl.
 
MagpieTear
  • #17
Haven't posted in your other thread, well, because I couldn't add to what great advice you had already received, but I wish you the best of luck!
 
Rbacchiega
  • Thread Starter
  • #18
thanks guys. The dog and I are fitting in well with the new house. (I've rented out a basement suit, and the owners of the house are fish addicts as well who just happen to have a brand new wheaten terrier puppy!) and this weekend I'll be moving the rest of the tanks over as well. It's kind of a bummer to have a freshly-semI setup saltwater tank and now have to tear it down. bah.
 
capekate
  • #19
I haven't posted.. but have been following your thread. Its a topic that can with some of us.. bring back old memories. I just want you to know that I have been in your shoes a long time ago. It was an awful place to be...
I pray that you have the strength to do the right thing for you. Please do not cave in to him. Right now he will promise you the moon just to get you back. And in your vulnerable state you may believe him. I'm sure your self esteem has been beaten down along the way by this man as well.
You have at your finger tips a wealth of fantastic advice here from your forum friends.. I'm happy to see. In time you will know in your heart you made the right move. Dennis will not change as long as he has you to depend on. And that is what he has done. Depending on you to run the home while he is out getting drunk. Now he has to take care of himself.. see what he has lost, walk the home alone remembering the good times and realize now where his drinking has brought him. This may very well be the stepping stone that he needed to face his alcohol problem. If he does, and gets to AA and seeks help.. well, it will show you how much you mean to him. But it takes time.. not weeks.. or months.. he needs to take care of his problem himself right now. If he doesn't change.. well, all I can say is that you do not need that man in your life. Yes, life is way to short to use it up taking care of some one else at the expense of your own happiness. What kind of life is that?
Please... stay in touch with your friends here, we all care about you and want the best for you. You have the support of your own family and friends, use them to get over this. You can do it! And it sounds to me that you are now on the right, positive track.... ;D

~ kate
 
susitna-flower
  • #20
thanks guys. The dog and I are fitting in well with the new house. (I've rented out a basement suit, and the owners of the house are fish addicts as well who just happen to have a brand new wheaten terrier puppy!) and this weekend I'll be moving the rest of the tanks over as well. It's kind of a bummer to have a freshly-semI setup saltwater tank and now have to tear it down. bah.

Well, there you go, sounds like you might even have built in fish sitters if you HAVE to go on vacation or any thing! All the benefit of having people near, without the dirty laundry!
 

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