A really sad state of affairs.

chickadee
  • #1
I will say that I am having a very bad day today. I have been with my Mom now for 3 weeks and not at home with my fish except for feeding times and to do weekly water changes and tank maintenance. This has bothered me as my fish are used to being spoiled and played with and my spending time with them. So today has been very hard. I lost 2 bettas today.

I went home to feed them and found that Marty Jr. who has been sulky and would not respond to me or eat and would hardly swim the last few days was gone and to my total astonishment so was Triton who was the picture of health and happiness last night. This is horrible to me and I feel that I have done something horrible and wrong with them but yet I know that I could not have done different as people still have to come first and of course my Mom has to come first.

I guess what I am wondering now is do you think it is possible to spoil them to the point that they are damaged by the lack of attention and constant care? Is it not enough just to care for their necessities when that is all you can give for a short period of time and is it enough to actually cause their demise? This is the lowest I have felt since keeping fish and while I know that I will not STOP keeping fish, somehow I do feel that I have failed my friends.

That, I guess, is my editorial for this evening.

Rose
 
harold
  • #2
Sorry to hear about your fish Rose.

Here is what I don't understand. I have a coworker that has a betta in a 1/2 gallon bowl at his desk. Since my recent interest in bettas I asked him how his fish is doing. He said he's doing great so I stopped by to have a peek. I couldn't believe what I saw! The water was so disgusting I have no idea what else is in the bowl. All I know is there is no filtration or heater. The irony here is that the fish gets very little attention or TLC and has been alive for well over a year. I don't get it!
 
susitna-flower
  • #3
I am so sorry Rose, about your fish. You are right your Mom has to come first, and if anything I would just say that when you are always home you would notice little things that it might have been easy to overlook not being with them all the time.

Our fish are short lived friends, don't get discouraged, and I hope you don't blame yourself.....You are a good fishy mom, and when staying with YOUR mom isn't a priority again, your fish will love having you home.
April
 
luna
  • #4
That really stinks...*hugs* I hope your mom is alright.

As for the sudden lack of attention affecting them, I think it could. I don't know much about fish (yet), but I know when I was in the hospital for a month after I was first diagnosed with cancer, my cat freaked out (I'm living with my parents, so he still had a caregiver). He was always spoiled rotten (still is), and was so used to having me around all the time that he didn't know what was going on...and when I finally did come home, he was so ticked off at me from "abandoning him" (how I figure he saw things) that he snubbed me for a week...I'm sure your little fishie babies are reacting similarly to the shock of not having you with them.

I can't believe I just used my cat's behavior as an analogy for your fish. That just seems so...wrong. >_>
 
capekate
  • #5
HI Rose...
I am so sorry to hear about MartyJr and Triton... You of all people should not feel that you have done something wrong. You are one of the best Betta Moms on the forum. I have no answers.. advice or even a guess why it happened and if or not that the lack of attention caused it. I just want to let you know that I am so very sorry... and can only imagine how you must feel. :-\
Sending... and hope that your Mom is doing better.

~ kate
 
janoue
  • #6
I am sooooooooo sorry to hear about your babies!!!. You did the right thing by being with your mom. Betta's are very interactive fish (at least mine are) and I think that they probally missed you when you were taking care of your mom. I really don't think that's why they died though. It could have been any number of things. Unfourtantely they can't tell us how they are feeling or what's wrong with them. It was just a coincidence that they both died while you were taking care of your mom. Chin Up and SMILE. It will be ok. They had great lives with your right?
 
30yrfishguy
  • #7
sorry to hear about your loss. bettas are a muddy water stagnant water fish. that is why they are brightly colored and can breathe air, but they do require veggie matter in their diets and can actually die from constipation. just offering a possible explaination. hope your mom feels better!
 
Drea
  • #8
Rose, I understand how you feel...and I feel bad that you have a sad heart . we all need to remind each other, there are just no explanations for things that come to be. It is my past experience that no matter how hard we try to do everything to our utmost abilities...sometimes it's not enough, but we keep on trying because that's who we need to be. Hang in there dear, and give your Mom a hug and :-* for me...(I lost mine 1 1/2 yrs ago.)
 
capekate
  • #9
sorry to hear about your loss. bettas are a muddy water stagnant water fish. that is why they are brightly colored and can breathe air, but they do require veggie matter in their diets and can actually die from constipation. just offering a possible explaination. hope your mom feels better!

Hello.. I know you are new here, but have to tell you that Chicadee probably almost certainly knows more about the care of Bettas than you ever will. We are not talking about a newbee at fish keeping here..
As you read more here, or in the Betta forum you will know what I mean.
I'm not trying to nit pick... but... thought Id let you know before someone else.. comes on board and gives you some information on the care of Bettas.

~ kate
 
Lucy
  • #10
Rose,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved bettas. You are a wonderful betta mommy and gave them the best.
Please don't blame yourself.

Lucy
 
Drea
  • #11
sorry to hear about your loss. bettas are a muddy water stagnant water fish. that is why they are brightly colored and can breathe air, but they do require veggie matter in their diets and can actually die from constipation. just offering a possible explaination. hope your mom feels better!

Please study up on Bettas... it's easy to be misguided in understanding of the species. Chickadee/Rose has more experience with bettas than anyone I have ever spoken with about these fish. She knows all about their dietary needs as well as how to care for them...bringing them from sickness to health
No offense, but she doesn't need an education on the Betta.
 
chickadee
  • Thread Starter
  • #12
Thank you all, I do know that I did not do anything wrong. I just feel the loss more I guess because I know that I would have noted the change in them had there been one had I been there with them. I was blaming the change in Marty Jr. on his normal pout which is what it was really acting like and yet he was getting around fine and swimming like a trooper when I tried to net him a couple of times to quarantine him he was a demon. This led me to believe he was playing "sick fishy" like usual.

Well, vinht, we have all wondered what is wrong with people who put their bettas in situations like your friend and why of all things these bettas can survive in this type of situation for as long as they do. It is not often that this happens. You will hear the pet store owners and employees tell you that bettas live in mud puddles and such but they do not. The wild bettas bear no resemblance to the lovely fish with flowing fins that they are selling. The "mud puddles" they speak of are in no way descriptive of the paddys that the actual wild bettas are found living in either. They are huge bodies of water that look more like large ponds than puddles. The wild bettas have very short fins that are far less likely to develop some of the problems that are prevalent with the long finned species. The temperature ranges where these paddies are do not fluctuate as much as the temperatures where the bowls and small tanks do where many bettas are kept now either. They also have the luxury of getting into a different area of water if they do not like the quality of the water where they are at the time. When a betta is in terrible water in a bowl or cup, it is stuck in a sewer with nowhere to go. They cannot simply swim to a new area to escape from the bad water. Your friend is cruel. Maybe unknowingly and without meaning to be but his fish is suffering from his lack of knowledge and care. Its life may have been long but could be longer and will be shortened from what it could be by its lack of care. Thank you for caring and doing what you can to make Harold's life the way it should be.

Rose
 
voiceless_kat
  • #13
My dear friend, how saddened I was to log on first time in a week and read your post right off the bat. My heart is breaking for you. I know how you are with your fish, and through you, I have become the same way. Over the past month with my father, my fish often came last on my list of priorities, as I came home only to quickly clean and feed them. I also thought they sulked and pouted.

Since my dad passed, and the fish moved up the ladder again in priority, their moods also perked up. I guess what |I am trying to say is that it is as if they knew they couldn't have my time and attention just then. Proof of this is that dear Poppet just suddenly quit being afraid of the light, and was happy to have it on.

I don't believe your absence had any direct impact on losing poor Triton and Marty Jr/. it is just part of an very cruel set of circumstances. Please remember the support you gave me when I lost my beloved Wink Jack Sparrow and Neptune so unexpectedly. It is crushing, and when you have been preoccupied with family and other things that must take priority, it is normal to try to make yourself responsible in some way.....to make it easier to come to terms with.

You are the best betta mom and mentor on the forum, and have been such a great, positive influence on so many of us.

Please don't make yourself crazy feeling responsible. Your bettas are so loved, and although this is horrible, it in no way reflects the care they received.

Give Mom a big hug, and one for yourself, know you are loved, and things will look brighter in a little bit...remember?? All the things you said to me???? Stay strong my friend.

Val
 
AggieYen
  • #14
I'm so sorry for your loss, Rose - with your mum being sick, this must be a double whammo to lose both your boys. You ARE a wonderful betta mother, and your heart is in the right place. Your priority right now is your mother, and perhaps Marty Jr and Triton didn't want you to be so torn in two anymore. You gave them a wonderful life, and loved them as much as you possibly could - and they know that. Our thoughts are with you.

 
0morrokh
  • #15
So sorry to hear about this Rose. Hope you're doing alright. No matter what the cause of their death they had a very happy life with you. I hope you and the rest of the bettas can hang in there along with your mum.
 
pamd
  • #16
Dear Rose,

I am so sorry about the losses of Marty Jr. and Triton. Further words of condolence cannot express my feelings.

I detect more than a twinge of guilt. Please, please do not feel guilty, and the twinge will probably hit from time to time. Should I have? Could I have? What if I had?

You did everything you could, considering taking care of your mother and yourself and the bettas. I suggest that every time a moment of doubt hits, say a little prayer of thanks about Marty Jr. and Triton for all the bettas they helped save. Using you as a conduit, they gave many, many bettas longer, happier, healthier lives. You are the savior of many bettas. You learned a lot from Marty Jr. and Triton. They were instrumental in the knowledge you have shared with all of us.

My heartfelt thoughts are with you, Rose.
 
MissMTS
  • #17
HI Rose,
I am so sorry to hear about Marty Jr. and Triton. I just want you to know that you know more about bettas than anyone I have ever encountered, and I have learned a lot from you. Your fishies were very blessed to have you as their mommy. You should feel proud knowing that you gave them the best home they could have ever wanted. I had to put my 2 yr old cat to sleep a few months back, and even now I still feel guilty from time to time, but I tell myself that I was the best mommy he could have asked for, and that I gave him a good life even though it was short. Knowing that makes me feel better, so try to keep that in mind when you think of your fishies. You have taught me a lot, and I really respect you. You really care about fish and you help fish all over the world by sharing your love and knowledge with other fish owners. You are a great influence on all of us. Please keep your chin up and don't feel bad. I am sennding many hugs and happy thoughts your way, and I hope you start to feel better soon
Kate
 
COBettaCouple
  • #18
:'( I know how you feel Rose and how you love your little ones.

I don't feel like you failed them. You've been taking care of your mom and I know they were in good conditions. We're really sorry that you lost the little guys.
 
Chief_waterchanger
  • #19
Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that they passed while you are caring for your mom. You are busier than you would've been if not caring for her, so you have less time to focus on their not being here anymore.

As everyone said before me, you're good at what you do. Find something to smile/laugh about to make yourself feel better.
 
LuvaBetta
  • #20
I'm so sorry to hear about your boys. Of course you know you did everything you could for them, while doing everything you can for your mom. Time to do what you can for yourself, now - you can't care for the whole world when you aren't giving yourself what you need!

Just think of how many bettas you've saved by helping us newbies!
 
Allie
  • #21
Please study up on Bettas... it's easy to be misguided in understanding of the species. Chickadee/Rose has more experience with bettas than anyone I have ever spoken with about these fish. She knows all about their dietary needs as well as how to care for them...bringing them from sickness to health
No offense, but she doesn't need an education on the Betta.
ITA I have learned all about betta thru all of you on this forum...but Chickadee has taught me the most.
Sorry about your boys.
 
chickadee
  • Thread Starter
  • #22
Thank you all. I am moving on today. While I have not forgotten them, I realize that life does go on. This forum and you all are so important to me and my Mom has had me so busy today with things that bring me realization that there are other things that are important. Yes, thank you for making me see that this is an event not a tragedy. I will miss them but I will have good memories of them forever.

You are all the best.

Rose
 
COBettaCouple
  • #23
Well, we learned what we know from you Rose and take much better care of our Bettas now.
 
chickadee
  • Thread Starter
  • #24
Well that is a true compliment as I think you are marvelous betta parents.

Rose
 
Blub
  • #25
Hi!

Sorry I'm so... late today, I was at the LFS yesterday! However, I am really sorry about your fish. From your avatar, Marty jr. looks like a brilliant, lovely little fish. I only wish I had more room for Bettas! I can't wait until I can get myself a 20gal to divide into 4 so I cab have 4 Bettas - that is mainly thanks to you and hearing about all your fabulous boys. Sorry about your little guys. I know I'd be devastated if I lost MalachaI (Who I've only had for the best part of a month!), I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose one you've had for over a year!


 
jen82
  • #26
I have just read this to realise while u were helpin me with getting a betta you were goin thru all of this. I thank u for your help. Am so sorry for your loss. You r an angel.
 
Bonochick
  • #27
Very sorry to hear this, Rose.
 
EpiFight
  • #28
I'm so sorry about your boys, Rose. I'm sure they had the best life a betta could have while being a part of your family.
 
COBettaCouple
  • #29
As are you, our friend.

Well that is a true compliment as I think you are marvelous betta parents.

Rose
 

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