We're a pretty big community whose primary purpose is to help folks who are new to the hobby make it through those first few months and learn enough that their aquaria are successful. Of course, we talk about other stuff, share pictures and whatnot, but the forum's
raison d'etre remains to make aquarium-keeping knowledge accessible to those who need it.
Barring the periodic troll (none of which lasts long, thanks to the constant diligence of the members, Mike, and the mods), there isn't anyone here who gives information with the intention of anything other than helping other members out. Everyone here wants everyone else' tanks to succeed as brilliantly as possible.
Sometimes, in making our aquaria succeed, we have to make some difficult choices. I have repeatedly had to turn down the possibility of blue crayfish because they just won't work in my aquarium. There have been others I've turned down, as well.
Similarly, we sometimes have to make difficult decisions when asking for, giving, or accepting advice about aquaria.
Very often, a person will join, saying that they have a cloudy tank and want to know how to clear the water (this would be me), or their fish have
ICH/velvet/fin rot and they want to know the best treatment for the disease, or they want to know what fish would go well with their oscar.
Forum members will ask a few questions and find out that the tank isn't cycled, or there are a dozen guppies in an unheated 5g tank, or that the oscar is in a 20g.
This is one of the difficult decisions: Do we answer only the question that is asked, leaving the aquarist and his/her tank doomed to suffer problem after problem until the aquarist happens to stumble on the knowledge of the source of the problem, or do we answer the question and then explain, in more depth, the underlying cause?
99.9% of the time, the latter is the proper way to go. Depending on the original post, this may be harsh, but, in my opinion, the former is like going to the doctor with some pain in your stomach and only being told to take Pepto when the pain is being caused by an ulcer getting aggravated by spicy foods, soda, or whatever. It is important to put this information down as politely and kindly as possible, but I still think it should be said.
The second difficult decision is a bit more of a slippery issue: Do you point out a problem that has nothing to do with the question or not?
For example, a person is asking a question about how many otos to stock in a tank and you happen to notice that they've got two male dwarf gourami and a
betta in that tank. Should they be told of the probability of a fight? In this case, I think that yes, they should be told. In other cases, it depends on how big of an issue it is. Someone's got a
goldfish in a 20g community? I'd say that one should be pointed out. A tank is maybe a little overstocked? Not as important.
No matter what, be polite. Let them know that you're concerned of the consequences.
There needs to be a level of understanding on both sides here.
For those giving advice, remember that the aquarium, and thus decision, is not yours. Give the advice, give the potential consequences, and then let the issue be dropped unless the other person brings it up. If someone else gives such advice and you can't add anything to it, think carefully about whether or not you need to say "yeah, you should listen to them." This can seem like the entire forum is ganging up on someone.
Also, remember that you may not be 100% right.
In some cases, the situation is so dire (like an arowana in a 10g tank) that it may be warranted to be a little more determined in giving your advice, but still, remember that the end decision is not yours.
For those receiving advice, remember that the advice is being given out of compassion. The advice giver wants your fish to survive and wants you to be successful. Remember that they may know what they're talking about. If someone says something that you don't believe, look into it. Wikipedia is always a good place to start, but there are plenty of other websites that have information, too. You wouldn't believe how many times I have heard "but my goldfish is doing fine in the tropical tank. You must be wrong about them needing a fluctuating temp" (heck, I even used to say it).
If it turns out that you're wrong, be gracious about it, thank the others for their information (this goes both ways; the advice giver shouldn't gloat about being "right").
If you still believe that you're right, be gracious about it, thank the others for their information but say that you're going to continue with your original plan. Offer resources, if you have them.
You should also remember that if any part of your plans (even a part not involving your primary question) involves something that is generally considered to be a bad idea, someone is going to say something about it. If you didn't know it was a bad idea, thank them for the info and let them know you'll take it into consideration.
For either side, if a discussion seems to be going to far, step back from it. Remove yourself from a discussion if you feel like you are going to insult someone. If you feel the need, make your point politely, clearly, and concisely, and say that you have said all you have to say.
In other words: be helpful, be open to change, and be polite. You will grow the most this way, both as an aquarist and as a human being.
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