voiceless_kat

Hey guys...I haven't posted much on the forum over the past while - I have just been too busy all summer with gardens and fish and all the rest of it.

I spent some time this morning reading a few threads, and my heart kind of cracked a bit to read some of the posts discussing rudeness; reputation points; newbies sometimes hesitant to ask questions........

This is the first ever forum I have been on...and it started with one betta and a 3g tank blossoming into 4 bettas in 10g & 6g; 10g fry; various fish in 20g;36g and 55g. over a 2 year period.............and my MTS and the confidence to have them is a direct result of this forum. When I first came on I didn't even know what a "thread" was, let alone "nitrogen cycle"!

A forum, by virtue of being a forum, allows for discussions; differing opinions; brainstorming, sharing; supporting and being supported.....and at different times I have done all of these things.

It is good when someone has a point, as in the subject of this thread, that it is thrown out there to discuss. I hope no one hangs on to any percieved negativity, continues to talk about issues that upset them, and then get on with fishkeeping and meeting wonderful friends. It is a microcosym of the "real world" actually, and a great community.

I read more than I post; and when I see someone has already answered a question, I just move on, knowing they are in good hands.

I treasure the really amazing friends I have made on Fishlore, and really hope that if anyone has had a bad experience on this forum, they report it, and then put it behind them and come back and meet the rest of us!!

So, stepping down from my soapbox....

Val

Lucy

This has nothing to do with rudeness but, I think new people on the forum appreciate more than 1 opinion even if it's the same opinion. They don't know which members give good advice or bad and it's reassuring to see someone else agree.

voiceless_kat

I agree totally, Lucy...I should have clarified...when there have been several really good advice answers, I see no need to add more.

Val

Dino

I do the same thing.

Richard

This post is very similar to one I posted sometime ago.. so please let me assure every one here, no matter how much experience you have, or think you may have, when it comes to keeping your fish healthy and happy, there are too many variables that can occur to change things from good to bad with your fish.. the weather, power-outages, other pets, kids who don't know better, any number of things can take you back to square one with an empty aquarium!

So when offering advice, may I suggest you keep all that in mind, and be patient when responding to someone's post.. because at the end of the day, you may have varying degrees of experience and knowledge when it comes to the fish species you have or may have had in your aquarium, but as long as those fish are not in their natural habitat, you will never know it all!.. may I suggest you instead offer your help, without cramming it down anyone's throat while trying to make them out to be an idiot.. at the end of the day, Fishlore is not some kind of psycho-therapy to make someone feel better at the expense of someone else.. This site stands out from the others because of the help anyone can get once they get here, without having to deal with attitude!

juloea

RIGHT ON! this is precisely why I have left another online aquarium forum. sometimes we just need a place where we can ask our stupid (and not so stupid) questions without 'holier than thou' fish keepers making us feel inadequate. much of our hobby is trial and error and relying on other's experience. i hope i get a friendlier response instead of accusatory ramblings like i have received elsewhere. thanks!

MousePotato

Why, how DARE you!!!

Just kidding! Welcome to fishlore, juloea. We're really not that bad.

Signed,

The Queen of "Stupid" Questions

voiceless_kat

Juloea....you will, it is a great place, welcome to Fishlore. And I guarantee, there are NO stupid questions.

Val

juloea

Thanks To All! I Love It Here Already! Those Mean People Are Becoming A Distant Memory. I Must Admit, I Sent A Nasty-gram To Their Moderator Before I Decided To Sign Off. No Reply Yet! As Expected!

Red1313

Are you sure? I think I might rival you there

clinton1621

Very well said

MousePotato

I have only just begun! Mwa-ha-ha!

Actually, I'll bet a lot of us feel a little bit like mental midgets if we look back at our earliest questions. I am very greatful to the fishlore members who were (and continue to be) very patient with me.

I particularly recall susitna-flower being kind to me in my early days.

JakeTeque

The saltwater people are very nice

RandomKayos

I try to give advice based on what I've had or at least seen work over many years. I'm sorry if this wrong. But I flat out will not conform to something just because it's the current trend. I have seen to much in my life change after the fad is over to just jump on board the next fad train to pass by. I'll stick with...

Periodic water change = good.....50% every x time period. not so good.

Giving a Betta a gal or more of space = good depending on the fish and the keepers devotion to routine. .... 10gal min, I don't see it.

Giving advice to a person in need = good ... haranging them for not having a setup like yours, not much help.

I am being very selective about what and who I post responses to. The hints about trolling I've taken seriously and will endevor to refrain from anything that might be construed as such.

RK

froggiegal

Wow, Wow, Wow - Froggiegal - Newbie here! Everyone has made valid points in their posting. I’ve been part of the Forum for about a month. AND, I think I’m one of the newbies who has asked her good share of “the same questions” that have been previously posted.

I came across Fishlore when I was Googling what type of fish to put into the new 50G tank I was setting up. I was so delighted and impressed at the postings and data found on Fishlore. I’ve printed everything on cycling, feeding, types of fish, etc. etc. and created a “fish bible” reference book.

BUT, when I started reading about setting up a tank, I got hit with “cycling your tank”. I never did THAT before. I knew enough to put “stuff” in to kill the chlorine. I simply filled the tank, put the fish in – that was that and I lost some fish – that was how I set up the tank BEFORE. Now I have to "Cycle", I got so nervous and cycling really confused me. I didn’t want to do the wrong thing so I posted.

THEN I read – how poorly I was treating the betta I have (not intentionally) so I posted… that tankmate question was mine!

Well, you remember Killer? So, I posted. Thanks to you who answered my posts, you helped me reestablish my cichlid tank - thank G_d that was cycled!

This site is a G_dsend. There are still so many things I’ve got to read from the website. As a newbie, I was unaware that I could search my topic / question. But knowing it now, I will search for answers. I’ve appreciated the quick responses I’ve received. Often, times the postings occur when one perceives there is a problem when they are experiencing something new and don’t know how to handle it. Knowing that you will almost get instantaneous feedback has been so helpful.

Most importantly for me is that with your help, you have given me the desire to start keeping fish again. I am more confident in what I am doing and what fish I am choosing. I appreciate the links I’ve received as it has broadened my knowledge. I have not experienced rudeness from anyone. This is a wonderful Forum. My aspirations are to someday be able to offer some advice to someone who stumbles upon this site as I did. Thank you everyone for all your help.

Lucy

Thanks for that, I was beginning to think this was a bash-fest. lol

The day you can offer advice comes sooner than you know, in fact it's already here, with all you've learned already.

Shawnie

bashfests are not fun!!

I do notice help and negative posts deffinately get more replies than the welcome or funny stuff....which IMO isnt right...

I try to welcome everyone and we all should....maybe its time to relax, have fun, and use mikes new method of things already being posted thread? New Search button to use in posts

thats the greatest idea and its saves on ppl worrying about posting the same thing over and over ....

Hope everyone has a great weekend!! its fair season around our area and I sooooooooo love the fairs!

some threads just get to a point where they should be closed

clinton1621

Hopefully no one views or is using this as a bash-fest, that in itself would be the opposite of what this thread is about

Lucy

It started out fine, as I said in my first response to you, clinton, it was a good reminder to us all, but now it's a bash fest.
I agree with Shawnie, there comes a time to close a thread.
If someone feels another person is rude, there's a button to report that post.

clinton1621

I fail to see any bashing on anyone, I see people saying that they like the friendlyness and comraderie of this website and that being positive along with open-minded will all help to avoid negativity... which negativity is the only thing I see being bashed on, and that to me is a positive statement from everyone

pamd

I have to admit being somewhat rude to a new member. He asked the same questions over and over in his own thread and kept ignoring well-researched and thoughtful answers. All he would have had to do was read through the thread he started. Most answers were already in the Sticky posts already, but many of us tried to help him to no avail within the thread.

I don't get impatient with new members who don't have time to search all the abundance of info here on Fishlore or elsewhere. But asking the same questions over and over, trying to get an answer one seeks, and baiting other members is called "trolling."

I see he is no longer on the member list. Whatever mod/admin recognized him as a troll, kudos! I still feel sorry for his poor fish, but somebody like that doesn't belong here in our happy, helpful community. I love Fishlore!

Allie

I call it getting an attitude or being blunt, not being rude. Some of us are not people persons. Some of us do what best for our fish and can't handle when people don't listen to us...especially if we do have experience with the subject of the moment.
Life is too short to waste time on people who don't listen.

clinton1621

I see nothing wrong with being blunt and to the point, however getting an attitude with someone is usually always considered rude behavior and is unnecessary. The thing about people is not everyone is going to, or even has to for matter, listen to you every time you tell them something. That is called freedom of choice... if I like the way I do something and it works for me, then I'm not really going to care if someone else says they do it another way and thats the only way to do it. There are very few absolutes to anything in this hobby, what works perfectly for one person, may fail miserably for someone else.

If someone chooses not to listen to advice that is obviously not just an opinion (like 'dont overstock your tank') then that is a different matter... but an opinion about things that have many possible ways to go about doing it ( like cycling a tank... you have several opions there) is just that, an opinion. So if they decide to do something differently than I or someone else suggested and it worked for them, then thats great =)

Allie

I am talking about those who specifically ask certain questions and ignore the answers. Why ask a question if you aren't going to use the info? It makes no sense to me.

Dino

A lot of people "ask" questions to get a rubber stamp on what they are doing.
They keep asking until someone gives them the answer they want.

Angela_96

I am thankful for the honest people on here! I almost made a big mistake! There are sites that say its okay to put discus in a 36g tank, and thanks to bluntness on here and honesty I have decided that until I have a larger tank that will not be an option. However a small nano salty tank will be in the works....
Be honest people! These little finned creatures need us to be, some of us that ask advice do listen (and I am one who will read and read before buying my fish) I am so glad I didn't put discus in that tank.

I have learned so much off of this website and reading books that I have went from throwing fish into a tank w/ not knowing anything about what I was doing, not even knowing to treat the water, to being able to breed my cichlids and having healthy happy fish and very little fish loss at all. I used to think fish had a life span of a week at times.

By all means, be honest w/ the newbies! Don't hold back in fear that they will be upset when you tell them they cannot have 5 goldfish in a 20 gallon tank. If people starting out in the hobby learn and are sucessful with their fish it will be an addictive hobby. (or it has for me once I have learned that my fish can live long happy lives)

And be honest w/ people wanting to try new fish species (like me w/ the discus) and especially when I start asking away about saltwater! I would hate to make some high priced mistakes, or kill some coral, etc

Allie

Well I guess those people aren't looking for the proper info on their fish or whatever. They must not care if their fish aren't compatible or what not. That I don't get at all.

CindyJ

I saw a post somewhere in the last 3 days where someone asked about one thing and got an answere like "that's not important, what is important is your over stocked. You can't keep those fish! I was I think a bit nicer than the origional poster but The poor guy didn't get his question answered that way.

I didn't think it was very nice that he got jumped like that.

Lucy

Yeppers.

CindyJ

Sorry