Angela_96

I am so sick of this, I am 30 years old and this is getting old fast! Its okay for my mom to do me in but for me to ask her a favor I pay for it for years on in...
I logged onto my ebay account and low and behold an item that she asked me to get for her on ebay, she never payed for... 2 weeks now she never paid for it. Now I have one of those "unpaid item reminders on my account" I have 100 percent feedback, and she is going to mess that up. When I called her and asked why she didn't pay for the item she wanted me to buy for her on ebay, she screamed at me. Shes p/od because I wouldn't work for free at her resturant the other day, and ask my mil that works in a factory to wake up w/ 3 hours of sleep to watch my kids while I do so, not to mention do deliveries in my car and pay for the gas. I said NO! She got upset at me over it. It would have costed me around 30 dollars just in gas to drive over there, she wanted to offer 5 dollars an hour after I said I wouldn't work for free... what? I get paid 22 dollars an hour base pay at the hospital....

This woman has never had either one of my children spend the night in her home, she has not been to any of their major events other than birth. She didn't come to either one of my college gradutations (I got 2 degrees for resp school), she came to my high school graduation drunk

Now my grandmother is living with her, and yes my grandparents are literally millionares, and my mother is literally cleaning my grandmothers bank account out to the point I witnessed a conversation between the bank worker and my mother and the bankworker that knew my grandmother for years made the remark under her breath that my mother was sponging off of my grandmother. OH it burns me up! She even pushed my grandmother into changing my grandfathers will to get my cousin out of it, and the great grandkids.... now when its all said and done I have to go to court to protect my cousins childs best intrest money wise, and my childrens... The only thing that I get is a house and no one can touch that deed the way it was set up except me, luckily because my mom would sell that house too if she could and drink up the money.

We don't have credit cards, we use a prepaid credit card because we keep ourselves debt free aside from our house and car, so I asked her a couple months ago handing her cash to call in a payment on her credit card. She threw it up to me today that she did that for me.

I was up when she started her resturant until 2 am typing menus for her, flyers for her and never got a thank you or anything, not to mention the slap in the face when I gave her a microwave and it wasn't good enough for her so she just gave it away.

I am so sick of this! My husband is so right when he says some people need to cut ties w/ family, he has been w/ me for long enough to see how bad my mother is, she lost her mind when my father died and has been a drunk since. I have seen that woman spend 100,000 dollars in 2 months on absoulty nothing growing up. Now she whins about being broke and scums off my grandmother. My poor stepdad works his butt off and gets treated like , hes aloud about 5 dollars a week in his wallet, and then has to explain where he spent it and why. He gets to go hunting maybe once a year, if she will let him buy a license.
I don't understand how he puts up w/ that, my husband has licenses in 2 states, and hunts and fishes all he wants, plays golf, whatever in fact I encourage him having a life outside of work and family it gives him a break and he comes home refreashed. Just as I do w/ my hobbies.

I prob shouldn't have told my mother to go ... herself today that was way out of line, but after all the years the other day asking me to work for nothing, and then not caring about my mil wanting her to babysit /w no sleep.. then the ebay deal... I just finally gave her a peice of my mind.

Sorry about the vent, I had to vent somewhere... I hate being 30 and dealing with a mother who acts more like a child than a mother, she was like that when I was a teenager.

Lucy

Sometimes it helps a bit to write it all down, doesn't it?

It's true what they say, you can choose your friends, but not your family.

Angela_96

yea, I can't choos my mom, but I sure did choose a good family to marry into.. .
they are poor country tn family.. (trust me we live out in the middle of the country w/ cattle in the back yard), but they are good people! My husband would do anything for anyone, his mother is very good to me, along w/ his father they call me the daughter they never had.

they raise a garden every year big enough to feed 3 families through the year, and work for a living.

My family can't stand that, oh it eats at my mom I didn't marry some guy for money. Then she looks at my husband that has a bachlors degree and puts him down for not using it to make better money.
Yea, he works as a paramedic instead of a lab, or shocking fish in a lake, but he likes to take care of people... she don't understand that.
All I can say for my mom is Karma!!

Amnagrla

It's sad but I've heard this story before... just different people.

I hope it all works out.

hockeyref88

WOW.....................That is a tough one. I feel for you. The only thing I can relate to is I'm in the position of having to take care of and pay for everything for my mom too. Its wierd that the rolls get reversed, but thats just how it goes sometimes. The old saying goes, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives.

MissMTS

Hey Girlie,
I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this right now. Don't worry about venting, we are always here for you. Honestly, I can't tell you what to do, but the biggest piece of advice I can give you is this: Whatever decisions you may make in life, you, your husband, and your kids are your first priority. You need to make sure that you take care of your immediate family before you help anybody else. If your mother needs help and it is going to put strain on you or your family don't give in. Stay strong and know that you are making the decision that is right for you. My husband has a family that constantly comes to us for money and for help (his parents included) and he had to learn that he had to put himself and his wife first. Now, if he is able to help them and it won't hurt us, he does. If it is not convenient for the two of us, he has learned to say no. As far as cutting ties with your mother, I can't tell you whether your husband is right or not. That is a very personal decision that nobody can make but you. Just make sure that whatever decision you make, you are really sure about it. We are here for you if you need any advice or if you just need to vent. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Hugs!
Kate

Angela_96

Thanks you all!! Honestly, after my father died I have since seen therapist, because of the way he died, and the fact I was there when it happend I have ptsd, so I go for a "checkup" after my younger son got through his health problems, I was in a serious clinical depression once again, and was up to every 2 week checkups w/ the therapist... now luckily at my last appt finally!! he said 3 months!! so much improvement in a year.
His motto on my mother, professional advice motto, is just as yours Miss MTS, taking care of my kids and husband is my priority.
If I can live by that, nothing should really get to me. My mother put herself in her financial situation, and professional situation needing help in her resturant she shouldn't have treated employees like they were a dime a dozen. Not only that, her own daughter then her own daughter would be more willing to help her.
Shes not even a grandmother to her grandchildren. Which is sad to say for them. At least they have one set of grandparents that are good to them. (they are spending time w/ them right now, I just walked in the house from running waterballoons over there, and playing w/ them myself) My mil prides herself on spending time w/ them on the weekends, and how much she has in family. My mom prides herself in material things.
I say my mil is the lucky one!
Anyways, I do much better when I distance myself from my mother, so yes cutting her out of the picture would help.

Amnagrla

First off, that's wonderful. You sound much better!!


Second of all.... it took me until right NOW to figure out what "mil" is!!!! haha

Lucy

Amnagrla, you crack me up!


steveangela1, with time, perhaps you will find a happy medium. Putting your family (husband and kids) first and find the proper place for your mother that you can deal with.
Your in laws sound like wonderful people.

Amnagrla

haha I wish I could say that was one of the times I was trying to be funny......

They should have a dumb blonde smiley!!

Angela_96

lol.. sometimes I think it should be dumb brunettes (btw I am a brunettes so no offense intended)... we seem to not get the lingo ourselves...
I was on a message board for about 6 months before I figured out what mil fil dd ds meant.... and it took a tutorial post to show me... I was lost! I was a moderator on that site before I knew most of the shorthand on the internet.. I still don't know it all....

My mom is drunk tonight, shes tried to call my phone like 3 times.. I have put it on silent... she will stop by tomm... I am planing not to be home...

Angela_96

btw thanks you all!

COBettaCouple

Wow! Does she need a pet boa constrictor? Yea, I know.. mean thing to do to a snake.

Angela_96

dont tempt me!! thats a good christmas idea... lol

Martinismommy

She should be ashamed of herself....I'm really sorry you have to go through this but maybe the distance is just what you need right now....

MissMTS

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better

Nags1965

This could be a page out of my family book. Hang in there... it can get better

sirdarksol

Nothing says "I love you" and "Shove off" like a good shot from a Taser.

Anyway, there just is no helping people who refuse to be responsible. I've seen people leech off of their disabled children, only buying the very basic necessities with their SSI checks and then spending the rest on themselves.
Keep focusing on yourself and your family.

kra-z-fishmumm

Your sanity and the happiness of your husband and kids are your priority. Your mom made her bed, you don't have to climb in with her! Decide what is acceptable, non-harmful communication/contact with her and let her know that unless it is on those terms, don't bother wasting her time or yours with anything else. Yep, comes from experience and therapy too! Will keep you and yours in my prayers.

Debbie

Angela_96

Ill have to get me a taser... lol... good idea! unfortuanatly I have seen it both ways in the hospital, to the point I have seen granny on life support until that ssi check came in the mail and was cashed, the its time to unplug the life support and burry her... (people are that cruel!! I belive my mom would be that bad)


Thanks, its strange but the most peace we have had has been in the past few days that I haven't talked to my mother! Strange huh? I guess I know where the problem was coming from. My husband and I haven't been fighting like we used to, I am not as "nervous" as I was before...
It seems like everytime I get away from her my life gets less stressful.


Thanks,

ThisGuy

Burn

kra-z-fishmumm

That is why I replied. Same in my home. Once I stopped listening to her problems etc... the fights and need for Xanax went down a whole lot!!!! lol Funny thing, if it was about herself, I wouldn't have a problem listening really. It is when she talks about her 16 yr. old daughter (who is lazy, selfish, and in need of some meds.!) that causes me problems, (probably like with having to know what your mom does to your poor Grams), the girl needs more than my mom can give. She is 76 freakin' yrs. old and the kid treats her..... well now, I don't want to get into that. lol Choices, always have a choice.

Angela_96

That sounds like an awlful situation as well... that 16 year old needs some waking up it sounds like..
My mom being in her 50s acts like a teenager.. which is pitiful, she dont' even want to act like a grandparent who cares to see her grandchildren.

shortcut mary

Geez...sounds just like my mil w/out the drinking...I get it steveangela! It is so hard to work for everything you have then have a lazy family member act like it should be their's. If you ever need a place to vent, don't hesitate to reach us/me.

COBettaCouple

LOL.. yea, I think a Taser is a great gift for family. It's sad how people treat each other and often the worst is from family. I'll choose friends any day.

sirdarksol

I'm glad that my family on both sides are friends. My wife's "brother" (really second cousin, but they grew up a block apart and were inseparable) has a mom and a step dad who treat him like a bank. He's got an autistic, half-deaf son, an ex-wife who doesn't buy the kid anything, a job in the lower echelons of Best Buy, and they are "borrowing" money from him. When he says he needs it back, they say "Well, that was payment for such-and-such."
I just can't imagine how one human being can treat another like that, let alone treat family that way.

COBettaCouple

True. I don't know how people live without a heart. It's just hard to imagine living without feelings or compassion, although I find family to be like that.